TheMissingChronicle:TheLion,The Witch&HisLioness
by BringOnTheShackles
Summary: Bella is captured and sold as a slave to Edward. She hates him, she doesn't love him, she doesn't even know his second name. But is there more to Bella than meets the eye? After all Bella is only short for Isabella. Isabella Swan. Lemons;Etc
1. Freedom

_**Twilight/Narnia Fan Fic.**_

**This uses the Twilight characters and is pretty much a Twilight fan fic; it's just set in Narnia. Just because I like it that way lol ********. You may need some knowledge of Narnia terms though.**

**Chapter 1- Freedom.**

"We seek peace, knowing that peace is the climate of freedom."

-Dwight. D. Eisenhower

Bella's point of view.

"Come on, before everyone else wakes up!" I hissed at Jessica as we made our way out of the small boat we'd used to get to shore.

Our fleet was in harbour in Doorn, the second of the three Lone Islands that we'd visited, and I wanted to get a look at this one before we did the official tour. I loved my father, but whenever we went anywhere his official tour consisted of the homes of noble people, important buildings, landmarks, historical sites, and so on.

"Is this a good idea?" Jessica questioned me, stepping bleary eyes out onto the grass behind me.

"Would you look around, of course it is!"

The landscapes here reminded me of home, of Narnia. Felimath was the first of the Lone Islands that we'd visited and it had been rocky and bare. Here the hills were rolling and everything was green as far as the eye could see. I'd felt threatened almost in Felimath, unsafe, but here everything seemed lifelike and happy and good.

I started to run, tasting freedom. It wasn't a dish I'd tasted in the past week of our tour. Not that I ever did get much of it, but my father warned me of how the men of the Lone Islands were cruel and savage, and I had been allowed nowhere alone throughout the entire journey.

I threw myself down on the soft bed of grass, lying in a patch of sunlight.

"Come on, we need to go back," Jessica whined at me after she'd caught up with me. Jessica was big on things were meant to be done and how ladies should act, and she ran nowhere.

"Nonsense. We can stay here longer yet, as long as we are back on the boat in an hour," I declared, "the sun is not yet fully up, the men on the ship will not be up for an hour or so yet."

It got lighter earlier the further East we came.

"Lion's mane Bella, we cannot even see the ship from here. And we are in danger here, all manner of uncivilised creatures prowl landscapes at this time."

She was right, we couldn't see the ship. But we had only climbed over one hill. Maybe it was two. I hadn't noticed so much when I was running. And there weren't particularly any marked paths. We were surrounded by hills but we would only need to climb to the peak of one of them to be able to see the sea and gauge our direction. We'd find the ship easily enough, with Aslan as my witness; I'd only run over one or two.

"Bella," Jessica grabbed my arm in a vice grip and the fear in her voice turned my stomach to ice, "there's a group of people on that next hill and they're coming this way!"

"Oh by Aslan himself Jessica!" my fear had turned to anger now, "not everyone who is out at this time is a murderer or some vile uncivilised brute! We are proof of that- as if any were needed!" I said- disdainful of her fears and feminine shrieks.

Jessica looked unconvinced but sat down my by side on the grass. She didn't dare leave me.

We sat for another 10 minutes before Jessica got up, rather abruptly.

"Bella, we need to go, those people have seen us and changed their path to come for us."

"What?" I sat up.

"They were going over the next hill but they spotted us, they're coming this way."

"Jessica, they're probably not dangerous!" Even as the words left my mouth I could see the people coming over the crest of the next hill and I could understand Jessica's panic. Her eyesight had always been better than mine and she had been watching them for a while.

"Dammit Bella, move!"

I listened to her this time, standing up.

"We can't run," I whispered, "it will look suspicious."

We got up and made towards the top of the hill, but we had barely walked ten paces when I heard Jessica scream and someone grabbed me, pulling my hands behind my back and tying them with rough binding.

"Let us go!" Jessica screamed, struggling.

I stood perfectly still, I had no idea what to do. Inwardly I cursed myself, why did I always think that I was right, that no one else's opinion mattered? Maybe if I'd gotten off my high horse and listened to Jessica we wouldn't be in this predicament.

They wouldn't be up on the boat for another hour yet I didn't think, they wouldn't realise we were gone for about two hours.

"Walk," commanded the one who had tied me, his voice was gruff and his eyes seemed hard. I realised what these men were, they were slave drivers, the men my father had talked of, warned me against.

I had given slave drivers some credit in my own mind, thinking they must feel bad about what they did, thinking nothing but extreme poverty and desperation could force people into this career. But that all disappeared when I saw the one who was clearly in charge.

He was a huge brute of a man, carrying a long whip and wearing black leather, even in the beautiful sunlight. He enjoyed looking rough and scaring women and children, that was obvious. He pinched Jessica roughly and thrust her to walk in front of him.

"Then I have better access to her back if she does not walk fast enough," he grunted to one of his fellows, who laughed at the huge one as he jerked the whip in his right hand.

'Jessica I'm so sorry' I thought out, praying to Aslan that she could hear my thoughts, knowing fine well that she couldn't. What I wouldn't have given for the ancient horn of Queen Susan at that moment.

The walk was tiresome in the hot sun and on the way we rounded up a few more poor travellers, the slave drivers picking off weak people, or small groups, steering clear of the bigger camps that had been set up around the place. Cowards.

"Gliftin, we need to hurry," the man who was pushing me from behind, "the market starts in a few hours and unless this pace picks up a bit we won't be in town until the bidders have taken what they want and left."

"You're right," the great brute, Gliftin answered, "we're about three hours from town as it is. Go hide behind a tree over the hill yonder and take the next carriage you see."

The idiot ran off until he was out of sight, over the next hill.

"You," Gliftin grabbed me suddenly and propelled me forwards to be standing in front of him, next to Jessica, "You better start stoopin' and stop holdin' that head of yours so high. People don't want slaves that hold themselves up and don't keep their eyes down and get on with their work!" He lashed me with the leather he held.

"I shall be no slave," I hissed at the man, turning to look at him.

He laughed at me, cruelly. "You'll be gettin' no say in the matter," and with that he took some filthy rag from his pocket and gagged me.

Jessica was crying next to me, and if my hands hadn't been bound I would have reached for her. As it as all I could do was try and communicate my apologies with my eyes. It would be fine, I told myself, the men from the ship would realise we were gone. They'd come after us. We'd be saved. And Aslan help _Gliftin_ when we were. I would remember that name, I vowed to myself.

The one who had been behind me came running back not much later.

"Gliftin, I got a carriage waitin' just there, over the top o' the hill. Healthy horse. He'll get us to town soon."

"Carry the slaves, they do not walk quick enough," Gliftin instructed his men as he picked up Jessica under one arm and the other threw me over his shoulder.

When we got to the carriage I realised that there were about 10 of us that had been captured as 'slaves' now. The others seemed younger than my 17 years except from one couple who had been picked up together, they looked to be too old to work, let alone be slaves.

My father would put a damn stop to this. Aslan himself would eat these men for breakfast. And for all my curses and proclamations in my head, at the back of my mind a small voice continued to remind me that had I listened to Jessica, we would have been safely in the ship.


	2. Bought

**Chapter 2. Bought.**

The market place appeared to be busy, so we hadn't missed the majority of the bidders. I was sure the horse taking the carriage had been a talking horse of Narnia but given the poor creature never opened his mouth once I couldn't be sure. But normal horses weren't as strong or resilient under whip, and Gliftin had whipped the horse at every opportunity.

"Here we have this beauty now," Gliftin's voice roared over the crowds, pulling me forward to display me by the arm.

He pulled my gag off me, "Give this crowd your name," he commanded me.

"I shall not."

"Needs broken in a bit," he guffawed, throwing me to the ground and bringing the whip down on my back several times. I bit my tongue and stayed silent though I wanted to scream for mercy.

"Now," he demanded, pulling me back up, "Give this crowd your name."

"I said I shall not."

He went to throw me again but a voice broke out form the crowd.

"Stop that. I'll take her." Coming forward from the crowd was a huge man, of about 25. He was as big as Gliftin but this man seemed to be made purely of muscle and his size did not seem to cause him to lose balance or agility as he came forward through the crowd, which parted to let him through. Either he was someone important or nobody else wanted a slave who would not even give her name despite being thrashed.

"Lord Emmett," Gliftin said, his voice slick with honey now. "I am not sure such a beautiful girl would be able to cope in your home, the workload you put on your slaves. Perhaps one of the sturdier men I have to offer today, my lord?"

Maybe there was a possibility it was a combination of the two factors that made the crowd part the way for this man.

"I want this one, Gliftin. She won't be doing the usual kind of work. I think she might, however make a good bed slave. Name your price."

"Why, 450 cresents, my Lord," Gliftin smiled.

"Now Gliftin," Lord Emmett's smile deepened as though he was genuinely amused by the man, "You and I both know nobody here has the time or the patience to break in a slave. You won't sell her for much. I'd say you'd get 50 cresents at absolute most. Being the good kind of man that I am" – well he certainly thought a lot of himself – "I'll offer you 100 cresents."

"Her coltish nature as it may be, my Lord," stuttered Gliftin, "her beauty-"

"Is nothing much to write sonnets about. And is not important in a slave anyway. 100 cresents, Gliftin!"

"My Lord, in comparison with your Lady Rosalie her beauty may not be much to speak of but by normal standards this one is quite beautiful. See her fair Narnian skin, her brown eyes, her…"

I wondered idly whilst Gliftin rabbled on and the Lord Emmett continued to get a price that suited him for me, whether this was the Rosalie of whom I had heard of back in Narnia. Apparently people had thought that at first she was a daughter of Aslan, her beauty was so outstanding. But she stole the hearts of every man in the Lone Islands and they started to say she was the daughter of the white witch of long ago. My father said it was nonsense, the jealousy of women and idle gossip.

Apart from which, this Rosalie was meant to be as dark as the witch had been white. Even if the girl's father had been from Calormen, with her mother as white as that, she couldn't have come out dark. Rosalie Hale, I believed they called her. Her beauty was meant to be ethereal.

"150 cresents then," Gliftin's tone, now sulky, interrupted my thoughts. He threw me off the stage towards the Lord Emmett who caught me – thank Aslan – looking rather upset at the low price.

We sat in the Lord Emmett's carriage in silence for a while. He was rather handsome, 100% muscle, huge, tall, dark haired and with dark eyes.

Not really my type, but still handsome.

But I had no wish to be his bed slave. Sure he might have caught me off the stage and untied the ropes that held my hands together, and not insisted on tying me to anything in his carriage as I knew was the custom with slaves so that they didn't run away, but still. I wasn't willing to bed him.

"So," he grinned at me all of a sudden, "what is your name?"

I raised my eyebrows at him and had to fight to stop myself from smiling. There was something about his grin that made me want to grin back, as though he was a friend.

I was half in a mind to tell him to mind his own business and that it didn't concern him and give him my views about any ideas he had of me as a bed slave but instead my mouth opened of its own accord.

"Bella."

"I'm Emmett," he paused. "So, Bella, how old are you?"

"17. Yourself, Emmett?"

"23," he laughed openly at me.

"You'll do fabulous. Its Edward's birthday celebration tonight, you can be his present. He hates parties, he and Alice are really twins but she was born at 5 to midnight and he was at 15 minutes past so she insists on separate parties. If you're as cheeky to him as you were up on that stage at the market, your back will be a good place for him to relieve his stress on after tonight. What Edward needs though, between you me and Aslan, is someone wilful, headstrong and argumentative. Edward, although he won't admit it, is fed up of people rolling over for him. Oh, my young brother likes to be in charge, make no mistake, and I suspect he'll beat you often, but I can tell he'll like you. You're not for rolling over at his command. Can tell from the way you stand if nothing else, rather straight and tall. He likes them fairly intelligent too. You seem well spoken, does that make you intelligent?"

"I suppose you could say I'm educated."

"Fair enough," he grinned again. This was like having a conversation with an older brother, not a person who had just bought you to be a bed slave for his brother.

"But, as you have correctly gathered, I shall not by any means be 'rolling over' for this horrid brother of yours, not even if he does beat me." And if he does beat me, I added silently, I shall make sure that for every beating he gives me he shall receive three, once my father and the men rescue me.

Emmet laughed at me again, his chuckles deep and resounding, "Oh he'll definitely like you. Though he'll have to marry soon, that's him 18 now. Our cousin, Lady Tanya, from the third of the three Lone Islands, Avra, has always been intended for Edward but he doesn't want her. She's rather stupid. Edward has funny ideas about who he wants to marry. He talks about _love_," Emmett spat it out as though it was a dirty word, "As if anyone other than I could ever find love for no one will ever compare to my Rose. Nevertheless, he'll have to marry soon. Once he does he'll use you less. I don't have any bed slaves any more since I married Rose. In fact, once he's married, Edward will probably buy you a house and set you up with a decent income."

Emmet smiled at me again, his Cheshire cat smile. This, I supposed was meant to be good news, meant to make me happy but, by Aslan, when my father –

"That's us here," Emmett interrupted my train of thought.

Or, more accurately the screeching of a tiny girl who had hurtled herself at the carriage interrupted my train of thought.

"Emmett, did you get it?"

Well, if 'it' was how the referred to me, I wasn't going to stand for it, they could just be told exactly what-

"Your fabric is in the front there, in that trunk there Alice," Emmett said, pointing.

"Oooh, good. I want to make Edward a new riding cloak for his birthday. Did you get the ruby satin? And the damask? And the – Oh! Hello!" she had only just noticed me, in all her excitement. "I'm Alice," she stuck out her hand to me and I looked at it, quite unsure what she wanted me to do with it.

"Bella," I answered. Suddenly I clicked, that was what they did in their strange lands, they shook hands. I gave her my own hand somewhat imperiously.

May as well make sure they didn't get the wrong idea, thinking I was some Lone Islander. I would make it perfectly clear that I didn't agree with their customs.

"Bella here is my gift to Edward."

"She's a slave? She doesn't look like one!" Tiny Alice looked at me, entirely unsure of how to react to me at all.

Well, finally, someone had got the message that I wasn't a slave. Or at least got the message that there was something funny about the fact I was.

"I know," Emmett grinned at us before jumping out of the carriage, "Rosalie!"

"Emmett," a voice came and a beautiful face smiled back at him and I saw a blond jump into his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist.

"They're always like that," Alive rolled her eyes at me. She jumped nimbly down out of the carriage and I decided to follow her.

"Jasper," Alice sang out, "Can you grab that trunk please?"

A lean, tall, blond boy made his way forward to retrieve the jewel encrusted gold trunk with all Alice's fabric in it, looking curiously at me as he did so.

I realised that this man too, like me, was Narnian.

He was fairer than Alice or Emmett, almost as fair as me.

And much fairer than the tanned Rosalie, whom I was sure was the same Rosalie Hale I had heard about. She was so tanned I was convinced that one of her parents at least had been Calormen.

Jasper was not however, unlike me, some misfortunate, captured Narnian slave though, he was dressed in clothing as grand as Emmett's, despite the fact he was carrying Alice's trunk.

"Jasper? Lord Jasper Whitlock of Narnia? Grandson of Lord Greyson Whitlock, who fought alongside the High King Peter during the Battle of Beruna against the White Witch?" I asked, my curiosity overcoming me.

He nodded at me, smiling. His smile was dazzling, like Emmet's.

"And who might you be, my lady?"

In my excitement about meeting Lord Greyson's grandson, at realising who he was, I'd forgotten again that I was still wearing my jade green muslin gown with the wide cage crinoline and the whalebone corset.

I definitely didn't look like a slave. Not that it was my prettiest dress by any manner of means, but as far as day dresses went, it was a lot better than what these women in the Lone Islands seemed to wear.

Actually, as I thought of how I looked in that dress, with my hair braided back, I began to seethe again that Emmett got me for only 150 cresents.

"This is Bella, I just bought her today," Emmett explained.

"You bought her? She's a slave?" Jasper said astounded, "Well, perhaps I should keep her, she knows military history; she could make good conversation."

"Oh no you don't, she's my present to Edward. For his bed," Emmett snapped at Jasper.

"Ooh. A new slave," Rosalie let out in a sing song voice, coming forward and prodding at my skin, "She's awful pale."

"Please refrain from doing that Rosalie Hale," I sniffed at her, looking down my nose as best I could at the 6 foot tall goddess.

"And how do you know of me?" she asked, amused.

"There are tales of a dark version of the White Witch of old. Their beauty is meant to be comparable, yet whereas Jardis was white as snow, Rosalie is as dark as earth itself. However she, or you, as the case may be, is also meant to be a witch."

"Why you little wench!" she cried out, slapping me full force across the face. Emmett and Jasper laughed at her, I got the feeling no one called Rosalie a witch to her face, much as they said it behind her back.

"Emmett, are you sure she isn't a spy? She knows of Jasper and I, and does not look like the average Narnian outlawed wench who would be out alone to be caught by slave merchants."

"She is no spy, got her from Gliftin. Man hasn't the brains to plant a spy."

"Besides from which," I added, smiling sweetly at Rosalie "why would anyone want to put a spy in your home? Are you a witch?"

She seized my hair and tugged hard, coiling my long braid round her fingers, "Listen, wench, I will say this once and once only. I have no idea where you come from, nor do I personally give a hair of Aslan's mane about that matter either. But now you are a slave in my house and by Aslan himself I swear if you mention those disgusting stories they pass around about me one more time I will flog you so that the skin is flayed from your back." The feminine voice which she had used previously was now turned hard and I took her threat seriously.

Dear Aslan, this woman was a barbarian. I drew myself up to my full height, standing as straight as I could and opened my mouth, ready to tell this wench exactly who she was dealing with.

"Oh, Edward will have a grand time with you," Emmett cut into the conversation, pushing himself in between Rosalie and I, "Alice, take Bella to your chambers and prepare her for tonight," he commanded the tiny Alice through gritted teeth as he entered into a glaring competition with his wife.


	3. Alice

**Chapter 3. Alice.**

"_**Looking good and dressing well is a necessity.**_

_**Having a purpose in life is not."**_

_-Oscar Wilde._

"You shouldn't antagonise Rose," Alice smiled at me as she pulled pin after pin out my hair, letting it fall over my shoulders and down my back, gently waving from having been braided up everyday over the course of our voyage. It wasn't considered polite to leave fair free and flowing when on a boat. Or so Jessica told me. I thought of Jessica now. How would she cope? She had no idea when to hold back information and when to give it.

"She's not really that bad, once you get to know her," Alice continued to chatter on to be about how really Rosalie was actually a nice person.

"Humph," I huffed from my seat.

"You know, you're not in a position really to complain. You are, after all, our slave."

This slave stuff was certainly getting monotonous.

"And Edward won't let you forget that. If a slave says two words around Edward without his permission he beats them. Well not just slaves, anyone. He spanks me all the time for my cheek! And I'm the older twin here! But then he only spanks me with his hand or my hairbrush, because he loves me and is only punishing me for my own good. He beats slaves with sticks and whips on their backs though. I shall try to talk to you for him however, he listens to me. Just hope he doesn't hear how you spoke to Rose earlier."

"What kind of a savage is he?!" I snapped.

"Oh no, you mustn't say that, he's not. He's just strict with his slaves; he expects his standards to be met at all times. But he loves Narnians. Well, we're all Narnian, but there's a difference between the Narnians and the Lone Islanders, don't you think?"

Well if you count barbaric customs such as slave markets where people are rounded up against their will and –

"I really don't know what to dress you in. Edward likes his slaves to look like slaves, no fancy dresses or anything but you are his birthday present. And I do love that dress on you."

And there's another difference there, I raged to myself, in Narnia we don't give people to other people as their birthday presents.

In the end Alice decided on a plain light blue gown, silk and fairly pretty, but with no design or embroidery. I had never worn anything so plain in my life; with my hair being left to tumble down in its own wavy curls down my back and round my shoulders.

"You know, you really are beautiful," Alice said as she stood back to admire her handy work.

Being with Alice was like being with Jessica, just with a lot more talking and she wasn't dressing me to quite the same levels of fancy.

Though as I looked in the mirror I could see that the plain dress seemed to make me look more naturally pretty, less made up than my usual petticoats and corsets.

Footsteps sounded outside "Ooh, quick, hide in the cupboard! That's probably Edward; don't want to spoil the surprise! And I haven't even done your make up yet!" Alice exclaimed as she threw me into a nearby storage space slamming the door over on me before I had a chance to protest.

It was pitch black inside the cupboard.

Three loud, abrupt raps came at the door.

"Come in," Alice called out. I put my eye up to the crack between the door and its frame, eager in spite of myself to see this 'Edward' before I was tossed into his bed for him later that night.

By Aslan, when my father came for me, this Edward would find his head mounted on the wall.

The door was thrown open and Edward strode in.

"Happy birthday, little brother!" Alice smiled up at him.

"How ironic, given that I'm about 2 foot taller than you and 1000 times more mature." His voice was serious and deep and he did not smile. I took a great disliking to him instantly, I liked men who could amuse me and laughed with me when I amused them.

"I am dreading this party tonight Alice, and it's entirely your fault. You're the one who makes me have a damned party every year."

He didn't even have any exclamation in his voice. He sounded nothing but bored with the thought of a party. Well, that said a lot about him, what a freak! Who didn't like a party?! Not only was this savage man a brute that beat women, he also didn't like parties. If Jessica were with me now, and we were back in Narnia, we'd laugh at this Edward and not speak a word to him.

"Oh it shall be fun, brother," Alice laughed at the surly expression on his face, "and think of the presents!"

"What do I need or want that I do not already have?"

"Oh hush! Stop being a spoilsport! Emmett has bought you a bed slave, brother!" She clapped her hands in pure delight, she could barely contain herself.

"I have no need for one," he looked disgusted at the very idea.

How dare he?! How very dare he?! He should be damn grateful, getting me as a bed slave. Millions would kill for his position and he was having it handed to him on a plate because I had decided to go for a walk myself that morning! This damn brute didn't appreciate it! Now not only would I have him beaten thrice for every time he beat me, and have his head mounted on the wall, I'd… I'd… I struggled to think of something bad enough that I could do. Then it came to me, I'd have his hands cut off also! Serve him right! And his mouth sewed up!

"You'd be surprised brother, she's rather beautiful."

"No slave is beautiful," he replied curtly, his tone ever polite and clipped, never showing any form of emotion.

"This one is Edward, ooh, and I forgot to tell you she's Narnian and -"

Alice was cut off mid sentence as Edward sat down on the dresser chair that I'd previously just been sitting on and pulled his sister across his lap and, grabbing her hairbrush off the dresser, proceeded to start to very thoroughly spank her.

"Alice, no slave is beautiful and I do not wish to have an argument with you about that fact," Edward said to his wriggling sister calmly but seriously as he repeatedly brought the wooden brush down again and again on yellow satin Alice had covering her rear end.

Aslan save me, I though, as I watched him spank her straight for another 10 or 15 minutes without pause, reducing her to tears. If that was how he was with his sisters, his favourite sister, then god only knew how the brute treated his slaves. I didn't want to know what he had in store for me.

"I'll see you at the party," he said as he finished spanking her, and stood up. To my great astonishment she hugged him. That certainly wouldn't have been my reaction if it had been me.

"Yes I shall see you tonight, brother. But I really do think you'll like her."

He sighed and landed another firm swat on his sister's rump before leaving the room.

"Bella, come on out," Alice sang to me, dancing over to the door and opening it so that I could come out, blinking and dazed into the brightness of the room.

"Alice… I… I… Are you OK?" I was genuinely worried for the girl. Even if I was there as a slave, it wasn't her fault, and she was treating me the way I'd expect to be treated by her if I had come to her home under usual circumstances. Though admittedly, she probably wouldn't have been dressing me down in plain clothes if I had come under normal circumstances.

"Of course silly, why wouldn't I be?"

"He... He just hit you!" I stuttered out.

"Not hard though. Haven't you been spanked by your brothers or parents ever?"

"No, I don't have any brothers." And even if I did, we aren't savages where I come from, I added, silently.

"Well you better get used to the idea, dear. You'll get plenty from Ed. Well, that's if I can convince him not to whip you like he does his other slaves, but I shall, he listens to me."

"If that brute comes near me I shall scream! And I shall hit him in the face! And I shall give him a piece of my mind. Why! If my father -"

"And if you do those things you're just going to make your spankings worse for yourself." Alice interrupted my tirade, calmly. "Now the party starts in ten minutes so I need to finish my make up and do yours and then move you to Edward's bed chambers without him seeing you, so you'll need to stay quiet."

That was almost comical, this midget thing telling anyone to stay quiet. Aslan's mane, she'd barely stopped talking since I met her!


	4. First Meeting

Reviews:

Yes Edward is a creeper at the start of this, but perhaps Bella will bring out the best in him, who knows?

Depends how many reviews I get whether I bother posting to tell everyone ;)

And Bella is Isabella Swan and everything that entails shall be revealed :)

Again, depending on reviews ha!

As for Jessica-she's sorted. Don't worry about Jess.

* * *

**Chapter 4. First Meeting.**

"_**Sleep that knits up the ravelled sleave of care  
The death of each day's life, sore labour's bath  
Balm of hurt minds, great nature's second course,  
Chief nourisher in life's feast."**__  
-William Shakespeare, __Macbeth_

About half an hour later I was deposited in Edward's chambers, with Alice attempting to cheer me up by telling me how much Edward hated parties and would make his excuses to leave as soon as possible, so I'd only be on my own for an hour or so at most.

Well jolly good. Just bloody fabulous. Couldn't wait.

I sat myself down on the huge sofa. His room was tidy, though I presumed that was thanks tohis other slaves and not him, and stuffed with books and musical instruments.

I lay down on the sofa. Not much to do now but wait.

The light coming through the window picked up on something I hadn't noticed before. In the corner of the room, on a raised platform, stood a beautiful piano. Black and shiny.

It took my breath away just to see the moon dance on the reflection on top of it.

I stood up and went over to it, trailing my fingers lightly over the top of it. I played myself, quite well, but this piano was something else.

I caressed the piano a while longer, my fingers lingering over the keys, longing to touch them, to feel them come alive under my fingers and too scared to make a noise.

Deciding not to torture myself any longer with the instrument I moved on to the miniature library he had along an entire wall and a half of his room. There must have been thousands of books.

The majority of books were ones I had already read, and he had a great many history and philosophy books. This pleased me, if nothing else I could read here.

I wondered at that point vaguely whether I would be allowed to or not.

I remembered the way he punished Alice for saying the same thing twice after he had said he didn't agree. Swiftly and soundly. No, I probably wouldn't be allowed to read without his permission. Well he would just have to give me his permission. Not that I would ask for it in the first place anyway. He wouldn't get a choice about giving me his permission!

The silence surrounded me. Well, he wasn't here now. And even when he was I would damn well read if I wanted to.

I picked out one I recognised, 'Queen Lucy the Valiant' by Tumnas the Faun.

It was a book I had read a great many times. Edward's copy seemed to be untouched, in perfect condition. Trust this barbarian to have a library he didn't read!

I settled myself back down on the sofa and began to read of Tumnas the faun's first meeting with the girl Lucy before she was queen, at the lamp-post that was still standing in Narnia to this day.

The book was every bit as good as I remembered and I lost myself in it, forgetting everything, including the time until

"Here she is brother, your gift from me," Emmett's booming voice caused me to jump and the book to go flying.

I leapt for the book and rounded angrily on the drunken Emmett.

"Didn't your mother ever tell you not to sneak up on people?!" I fumed, "Look at this! You nearly made me drop the book and if you think-"

I stopped as a hand dealt a heavy slap to my face and the book which I was brandishing at Emmett was ripped from my grasp.

"A book which you should not have been touching in the first place," an angry voice hissed at me. Edward.

He seemed taller here than he had from my view in the cupboard. And so insanely good looking, though I hated myself for noticing it.

"Told you brother," Emmett grinned his megawatt smile, though his words were slurred, "You'll get on well with her. She'll not role over and play submissive slave for you easily. You'll need to break her in. Thought you'd enjoy that though." With that Emmett turned from the room shouting, "Rose" Rosalie! I wish to go to bed with you now!"

How barbaric, announcing that where the whole manor could hear. Imbecile!

Edward regarded me will cool disdain, and I looked back with my own cool dislike.

"I have no need for a slave that helps herself to my things."

Maybe that meant I was dismissed, that my services were not required. Good.

"That's fine for I have a great interest in your books and none in being your slave."

Again I received another heavy slap to my face. I had never been hit before in my life. Here today I'd been hit three times. Twice in the space of five minutes by Edward. With Aslan as my witness I'd make him sorry. I'd make him regret. Him and his witch sister who'd slapped me earlier.

"I did not give you permission to speak," he snapped at me.

I opened my mouth, fully intending to tell him that I didn't require his permission, that I was a free Narnian and that I would not be governed by some Lone Islander, but something stopped me.

Perhaps it was the anger in his face and voice. It was the first sign of any emotion that I'd seen show through his cold demeanour.

"Do not stare at my face, lower your eyes unless instructed to do otherwise in my presence."

Well, I drew the line there, I would not lower my eyes and stoop before him. I would walk straight and tall with my head held high and my eyes would meet anyone's who turned theirs to mine.

I continued to look in his eyes, a most unusual green colour that I may have appreciated the beauty of, had they belonged to another. He waited a second, staring back into my own chocolate brown eyes before swiftly boxing my ears.

It was an action I'd seen my nanny carry out often on her own children but I'd never been on the receiving end and it made me dizzy. I swayed slightly, I hadn't eaten all day.

"Tomorrow you will feel my riding crop on your flesh. For now I wish to sleep."

"Fine by me, have someone show me to my room."

He looked at me incredulously, as though he wasn't entirely sure whether I was joking or not, before laughing humourlessly.

"You'd think you were my equal in society, the way you carry on. You'll sleep on the floor, over there in the corner."

I looked to where he was pointing. This could not be happening. He could not be serious.

I tried to overcome the feeling that my stomach had fallen to my knees and keep my voice normal.

"I have no bed dresses to sleep in. When one decides to go out walking one does not usually pack for a change of address, just in case some ridiculous group of imbeciles decides to capture one."

I tried to be disdainful. Despite my resolve, I'm sure he heard the tremor in my voice. By the end of my speech, which I had meant to be a winner, my voice had gone to a whisper. It was all I could do not to cry.

He half smiled, "Not so headstrong now, are you? Sleep naked."

I stood, astounded, my mouth hanging open.

Did this idiot know who he was talking to? Well, no, of course not.

"I can hardly sleep naked on the floor of your room."

"If you protest one more time I'll make you sleep naked outside in the stables and you'll leave your clothes here before you go to them." His voice was controlled but I could tell that the threat was to be taken seriously.

I set off towards the corner of the room that he had indicted.

"Very good," he taunted me in his silky voice. "Now Bella, it is Bella, correct?"

"Yes, Edward," I spat his name out, "it is."

"Well, firstly, do not speak to me in that tone of voice. Secondly, I did not give you permission to use my name. And," he smiled, a crooked smile, "I believe I ordered you to sleep naked."

I turned to look at the wall, fearing that if I looked at him I would fly for him. Which wouldn't do any good on my rescue, 'Bella permanently harmed Lord Edward'. Not how Isabella Swan really should be treating Lords.

I'd never heard of Lord Edward or Lord Emmett though. I presumed they'd gotten their titles through Alice's marriage to Jasper. I knew most of the Lone Island Lords, my father often invited them for parties, but I couldn't remember either of these two.

And I was sure, despite the fact that I didn't want to admit it, that I would remember both the men.

"Well, what are you waiting for Bella? Strip. I cannot have you sleeping in that gown."

"There are no covers, I shall be cold."

"Do not test my patience." His voice was deadly, when my father was angry he roared, but Edward was quiet. So quiet. Like a lion stalking his prey, waiting for the right opportunity to pounce.

Every limb of my body trembles as I started to undress, still resolutely facing the wall. This was more than I could take. I fought the tears that threatened to bring me to my knees. I would not give him that satisfaction.

But that was all I could do as I removed all of my clothing and stood naked and exposed, staring at the wall. I waited what seemed like an eternity but he said nothing. Well, if he thought I was going to turn round and prompt him for my next order he was sorely mistaken. I would keep that one small shred of dignity.

'For now,' a small voice in the back of my head warned me and I shivered in fear, _and anticipation_.

Is stood for what seemed like hours before finally turning my head in what I hoped was a disdainful manner, determined not to turn my body, so that he couldn't enjoy my nakedness and humiliation further.

Edward was naked in bed, fast asleep.

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Reviews reviews reviews. Please please please.

:)


	5. A Forbidden Outing

**Chapter 5. A Forbidden Outing.**

_**Don't waste your time on me you're already the voice inside my head.**_

_**-Miss You, Blink 182.**_

I woke the next morning due to a searing pain in the back of my right leg, which was soon followed by the same pain on the back of my left.

I looked up from the floor to see Edward standing over me, his riding crop in hand, his face concentrating on where to aim the next blow.

I had fallen asleep eventually on the cold stone floor on my stomach and Edward was taking advantage of it, raining stroke after stroke down on my thighs. I bit my tongue, determined to endure it in silence. I wondered whether Alice had spoken to him. I presumed she had for he did not aim any strokes at my back and for this I was glad.

I managed to stay quiet throughout it, the blows stopping after what seemed like hundreds had been dealt to me, without me emitting so much as a whimper.

It was a good thing I'd spent my childhood being taught how to hide my emotions.

"You will put this on," a brown dress dropped at my head. "And then you will stay in this corner until I return. I have no use for you during the day."

Footsteps crossed the room and the door slammed. He was gone. I lifted the brown pile of material and slipped the dress on, wincing as the rough material chaffed against the welts in my thighs.

It was horrible. Truly plain and hideous.

I glanced in the huge looking glass (what a narcissist he was to have one so large), and realised that I truly looked like a slave.

Isabella Swan had gone and in her place was some scullery maid.

It was scary how a change of dress could do that so quickly, so easily. I half didn't believe myself when I said I was Isabella Swan now.

I stood motionless in the corner. Did I dare to go back to reading the book?

I decided that yes, I most certainly would go back and read the book if I wanted, but to be safe I would wait until I was sure Edward had gone wherever he was heading for the day.

"Bella?" Alice's voice broke through the silence in the room as she pushed the door open.

"Oh, Bella," she said, catching sight of me, "you're truly the only person I've ever seen wear that dress and look dignified."

I looked at her incredulously, dignified wasn't exactly the word I would have thought to use.

She circled me, the way one might circle a great sculpture, almost in awe.

"Bella if you continue to insist on looking so delightful my brother may actually use you as a bed slave."

She said that as though that had not always been his purpose.

"No," she continued, shaking her head, "I can't bear to think of it. A slave that is bought for him that she doesn't end up giving to me. And I do like you Bella. And the thought of Edward, actually bedding someone." She pulled a face.

"You say that as though you're not aware of him bedding anyone before Alice." And as though you are not his sister, I'd never known anyone to talk so openly about anyone in their family bedding anyone. Though as I thought of Emmett's shouting last night, however drunk he was I realised that this must be another of the differences between Narnians and Lone Islanders, proving again that Narnians were much more civilised.

"Well like I said Emmett buys him one every so often, but he's never used them as bed slaves that I know of. Well he used one, but then he put her in that dress a week or two later and she looked so ugly in it that he gave her to me anyway. Edward has high standards, and he has ideas of love and marriage and sex all going together."

I was reminded of what Emmett had told me the previous day, 'Edward has funny ideas about who he wants to marry. He talks about _love_'.

So far the Edward I had met was not a man anyone but a lunatic could love. A lunatic who had climbed to, or been driven to, the highest pillar of insanity by something dreadful.

If Edward was searching for love then he most certainly wasn't going about it in the right way.

"Every woman in the Lone Islands is after Edward, of course, but he doesn't take any of them. You should see him at parties, they all swarm round him and he stands there glaring at them, making no attempts at being a gentleman and still they are not put off! He doesn't even dance!"

Aslan alone knew why they weren't put off, there was nothing attractive about men with bad manners, who did not dance or laugh at parties.

"I think it upsets our mother the way he behaves. Though I suppose really by not being a gentleman he's being more of a gentleman because he's not leading them down the garden path, as they say."

Gentleman wasn't the word I'd have put with that.

"Take Jasper," Alice continued, thinking out loud I presumed, for I had no idea whatsoever as to why she'd be telling me this, "he's from Narnia, they seem to be big on being gentleman there." That's because we're civilised, I thought. "But it means he doesn't know how to say no to a girl. But anyway, as for Edward, I think on another level by not using his bed slaves as bed slaves he is again being a gentleman."

"Alice, I don't understand half the nonsense that comes out your mouth. But anyway, on your last point, if he doesn't make use of his bed slaves then why am I still here?"

"You're still on trial. He may use you yet, he never had done before. But he may use you yet. He is 18 now, after all. And you're very beautiful. Besides, he's given you that dress."

"Hardly beautiful when dressed in this dress." I huffed.

She laughed at me, "Even Edward has noticed your beauty. I believe today is a test to see if you still look good in that dress."

Really? Because I'm pretty sure it was a case of lets find the roughest material we can and make her wear it against her beaten flesh, I thought to myself sarcastically. I didn't bother making this comment out loud, I was the only person in Narnia that appreciated my own sense of humour, so I doubted Lone Islanders would understand it any better.

"Come, Bella, let us go walking."

I decided that Edward's stay in the corner rule didn't apply when I was leaving to go with Alice anyway. We walked only inside the gardens, which were bland and dull compared to the multicoloured edens we had back in Narnia, but which allowed us to stretch our legs and breathe some fresh air.

Rosalie was outside and she glared at me when she saw me and I glared back, despite the inferiority I felt in the brown dress in comparison to her purple satin.

"Alice, does Edward know you are out with this wench?" she demanded.

"Well I didn't ask his permission if that's what you mean, you know perfectly well that he's out riding," Alice replied, frostily.

"And pray tell, witch, what business is it of yours?" I asked.

Alice looked at me, disapproving.

Rosalie looked at me as though she wanted to rip me limb from limb.

"Do not think that just because you have made friends with my husband's sister that I will not make good on my promise of whipping you till there is no flesh left on your back," she hissed at me as she made her way past us, back into the house.

"Oh and Alice," she called back over her shoulder, "I do hope that Edward doesn't spank you too hard when he finds out about this.

I glared at her retreating back. How dare she turn her own sister in for something which she knew that damned brute would hit her for?

I hated Edward, I hated him. And I despised his damned witch sister.

"Bella, I don't know what pleasure you get from taunting Rosalie but could you please stop. I know she's a complete bitch sometimes but could you please give over, you're not the one who has to sit with her at dinner."

The happy glow I was getting from the thoughts of what I would do to put Rosalie Hale in her place once I left here diminished slightly as I looked at Alice's face.

I liked Alice, she was the closest thing I had to Jessica, the closest thing I had to a best friend while I was out here.

In truth, I felt as though Alice and I had known each other forever, as though we'd always been friends.

"Alright," I sighed, "I shall try and be nicer."

"Thank you," she smiled. "Now, perhaps we should go back before my father, Emmett, Jasper and Edward return home. If Rosalie makes good on her intentions of telling Edward then you and I best get back to his room and present a united front to say that we did not disobey his orders, unspoken orders as they were."

"You mean we're going to call Rosalie a liar?" I asked, a slow grin spreading across my face.

Alice grinned back at me. This was definitely like having my best friend here; we had secret plans together now.

But in the back of my mind Edward's voice reminded me, warned me, that he'd find us out.

~*~

Edward came striding into his room later to find me in my corner and Alice sitting on his sofa, reading.

"Alice did you and Bella go outside?" His voice was completely neutral. He might have been asking about the weather, rather than asking whether we had committed a sin that would cause him to condemn us.

"No, Edward," her face was full of shock as she looked at him. She was an exceptionally good liar and I was rather surprised. "Whatever gave you that idea?"

"You are in my chambers." He said, ignoring the question completely, his voice staying completely neutral, as though he was stating a fact rather than asking for an explanation. An explanation that would save our heads from the chopping block.

"We were talking."

"Did Bella leave her corner?"

"No Edward, not once."

"Fine. Leave. Now."

"Charming Edward," she grumbled at him, "See you at dinner."

He landed a smack on her backside as she passed him, never smiling at his sister.

"Hey!" she exclaimed, her hands flying to her rear, "What in the name of Aslan was that for?"

"For being in my room, for talking to Bella and most likely for lying, even if I cannot prove it."

She stuck her tongue out at him as she danced from his room, laughing at him.

"Bella," he said and I kept my eyes firmly on the ground. "Bella look at me."

Damn him I would not.

"Bella, look at me, I will not ask again."

Slowly, inch by inch I raised my eyes from the floor, taking in every detail of his body till they met his eyes.

"Bella did you leave your corner today?"

Looking into his eyes, I knew I couldn't lie. They were so green. They were so inexpressive. There was something there that I didn't know, couldn't pin point that was rendering me unable to lie.

Fine, I thought to myself, if I can't lie I'll just be defiant about it.

"Yes, I did," I whispered. So much for my defiance. I wanted to look away, maybe the thing that left me unable to lie was leaving me unable to get some sass to my voice, but I couldn't.

"Did you and Alice go outside?"

"Yes."

"Did you call Rosalie a witch?"

"Yes."

Not once did my voice get louder than a whisper or my eyes leave his, much as I wished for it. I kicked myself mentally. I would get my attitude back; I was Isabella Swan, Aslan's mane! I wasn't going to be beat into submission by some savage lone islander with green eyes. Green eyes I felt myself melting into.

His face remained neutral but his eyes laughed, just for a second before

"Thank you for your honesty, Bella."

And with that he swept from the room.

I stayed motionless in the corner. I had never had a problem lying, but I couldn't lie to him? I didn't understand it. I hated Edward, hated him!

But, for a mere second, I had made the tin man laugh.

What surprised me was that this seemed to make me want to smile.

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**_Reviews pretty please =)_******

**_I really do appreciate them!_**


	6. Please

Thank you for all the reviews, they make my day guys =)

Edward being jealous of someone-hadn't really thought of that but it could be interesting :)

Though I promise you I don't have spelling issues, I just have major typing issues!

Though I may now have found a beta who can spot these for me after this chapter =)

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**Chapter 6. – Please**

**_"Colour the coast with your smile_**

**_It's the most genuine thing I've ever seen."_**

**_-Carry This Picture, Dashboard Confessional_**

Edward returned from dinner with a plate of venison.

"I do not eat the talking beasts so you can be assured it was not one," he said, with no expression in his voice, "But you may only eat at the desk, I do not care for people to eat on the floor in front of me like animals."

Who did he think he was dealing with, eat on the floor?! By Aslan I'd be damned if I was ever going to eat on the floor.

I made my way to the desk and sat down to eat, the rough dress and my own weight causing my thighs much discomfort.

I toyed momentarily with the idea of thanking him for the food but decided against it.

He had to feed me, it had been almost two full days since I had eaten, he owed me food. Aslan's mane I was Isabella Swan, I'd be damned if I was going to thank anyone for food!

Before today I would have never considered thanking anyone for food. Oh I had manners, I had good breeding, I would thank them for serving me the food, but I didn't thank anyone for food itself.

Hell, I could hunt myself like the best of the men myself if I needed food. I was not reliant on anyone to bring me it. If he refused to feed me I would simply leave during the day and fend for myself. I was perfectly capable, thank you very much!

Edward sat at the other side of the desk, opposite me, but he picked up a quill and began to write, ignoring me completely.

I finished the food and sat there. I would not go through the humiliation of asking him if I could leave the table.

I stood up, pushing the plate of food away from me.

"Bella," his voice was cold, crisp, clear and emotionless.

I stood where I was and looked at him, my face as cold as his voice, my eyes boring into him as hard as ice.

"Did I give you permission to leave the table?"

It wasn't even a table, it was a desk! Aslan's mane I would not be humiliated like this. I refused to be brought down to this level. He could whip me and make me wear ugly dresses but he could not force me to talk.

He stood up and walked round the desk so that he was standing beside me. He pushed my hair away from my ear and spoke directly into it, causing shivers to run through my body.

"Get this through your head, woman. You are mine. You are my property. You do what I say and only as I say. For your refusal to answer you will sleep naked again tonight."

It was only then, as I turned my head away from him that I saw the bed dress he had laid on the sofa, for me.

Tears threatened to escape me once more, but again I held them back. I had done it again. If it wasn't for my own high horse I would have listened to Jessica back on the hills and I wouldn't be here. If I hadn't been so determined to not be belittled by asking permission, I would not have been sleeping naked again tonight.

He pulled my dress off me where I stood, causing the seams to rip at the shoulders, and I cried out in pain .

"Get to your corner now," he said, shoving me so hard that I fell.

If nothing else, I thought bitterly as I curled up in the corner, now the dress was ripped that meant no one else would ever have to wear it.

I fell asleep late again that night. I had to stay awake for ages; I could only sleep in my naked, cold state on the hard, stone floor after exhaustion overtook me and my eyes shut of their own accord.

I did not sleep easily however.

In my dreams Edward sat across from me at the desk, reading 'Poems and Legends of Narnia'. I reached across the table to grab the book, I wanted it, but it disappeared. There was only Edward and I.

"_It pleases me that you read," said dream Edward, "But you will ask my permission to have my book."_

"_I shall not," my dream self said, sounding like a spoilt, whiney, stubborn child._

"_Then you shall not have the book," dream Edward concluded simply._

"_But I want it!" my dream self screamed, slamming her fists on the desk and standing up. _

"_Bella, you have not said please, you shall not have it."_

_Dream Edward was not taunting me, he was simply telling me that if I said please I would get what I wanted and if I continued to act like a stubborn child I wouldn't._

"_Give me it," I demanded, "I want it."_

"_No, Bella," dream Edward said, now angry at my childish refusal to say please. He stood up and came round the desk as he had done earlier over dinner but instead of speaking in my ear he took me by the upper arms and shook me._

"_Say please!"_

"_No!"_

"_Say please!"_

"_No!"_

"_Very well," sighed dream Edward walking back round the desk._

"_Give it to me!"_

"_Say please, Bella."_

"_No."_

"_Very well then, you asked for it."_

_Something I couldn't define shot through me. He's going to spank you, my dream self thought, and you've brought it all on yourself. Fine. Let him. I would not bend to his will, I would not say please. If he wanted me to say please he would have to spank me until I couldn't take it anymore. He would have to make me say it._

_In the dream there was a wetness growing between my legs at the thought of Edward putting me across his lap, of me being powerless to stop this man in his intentions._

_Instead of coming back round the desk to me however, dream Edward started to walk away, disappearing down a long black corridor that in my dream I knew I could not go down._

"_Edward… come back…"_

_He turned to me, "Say please."_

_What? He was being ridiculous. Dream Edward was just as stupid as real life Edward, I seethed. _

"_Edward! Come back! Come back, I say! Edward!"_

"_Bella, say please!"_

"_Aren't you just going to spank me if I don't?"_

"_No, I'm going to leave if you don't."_

"_Edward… No… Come back! Edward… Don't leave…" I pleaded, I begged, I nearly cried._

"_Say please Bella."_

"_Edward, no! Make me say please! Come back here and spank me and make me say please! Spank me for not saying it. Teach me what happens for not saying please. Please, Edward, please!" I screamed in my dream at his retreating form, "I need you to make me say please Edward. I need you. Please."_

_In the dream Edward turned and smile at me. And the smile was dazzling. Not the half smile he'd given me before, not the quick flash in his eyes which I knew to mean that he was smiling. Truly, he was smiling. Light radiated off him as soon as he smiled, and the corridor down which he walked was light up, revealing hundreds upon thousands of books. _

_Dream Edward walked towards me and took me, none too gently but not too roughly either, and sat down on my chair at his desk, flipping me over his lap._

"_You asked for this Bella, you said it yourself. You need this." Dream Edward said quietly to me as he spanked me, causing the heat and fire that was in between my legs to spread over my entire backside, to consume my entire lower body, before Edward slipped his fingers –_

I woke with a gasp and a loud "PLEASE!"

It was only a dream, I told myself as I sat up shaking, horrified at my self for dreaming such preposterous things. But the wetness between my legs hadn't been a dream, it was still there.

As my eyes became accustomed to the darkness I realised that my cry had woken up Edward, he was sat up in bed, his arm outstretched towards me. Even as I looked in his direction his arm dropped and he paused only for a second before lying back down.

I breathed in and out slowly, unable to comprehend anything. My dream, the wetness, the wish that Edward hadn't lay back down without a word, the happiness at the outstretched arm, anything.

As I lay back down my hand brushed against some material and I looked down.

The bed dress was lying on the floor next to me.

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**Please do review - it makes me happy and I transfer the stories quicker from notebook to computer that way =)**

**And also, quick question, how do I get spaces in between lines to stay?**

**Every time I put a space in and click save it just moves the text back up! **

**Looking at a full page of text with no spaces gives me a headache if I'm trying to read it so I imagine some of my readers also feel like that!**


	7. Thank You

**Chapter 7 – Thank You.**

"_**She's diabolical"**_

_**~Emmett Cullen, New Moon, [Stephenie Meyer]**_

I woke the next morning to find Edward standing over me.

I was glad I had put on the bed dress, I felt exposed after last night.

I had never talked in my sleep before that I knew of, so as far as I knew he couldn't possibly know exactly what I had dreamed of. What horrible things I had dreamed of and gotten pleasure from.

Those green eyes almost had me convinced otherwise though.

"I brought you breakfast," he said, coldly, "though you took so long to wake up that it will be cold by now."

No mention of last night then. Better that way, I thought, as I wrapped my arms round myself.

Edward turned on his heel and left the room.

I stood up and made my way over to the desk, where a plate of bread, cheese and eggs waited for me. The eggs were not cold and I dug in, polishing off the entire plate. The food was excellent.

I sat in my place once I was done, unsure of what to do. If today was the same as yesterday then Edward would not be back until early evening, before dinner.

"Bella," I jumped, I had not heard him come back into the room, "You may wear the dress I have left on the bed then spend the day with Alice. Jasper, Emmett, my father and I have to go to town. Leave the plate on the desk I will have one of the house slaves remove it."

Just as silently he was gone, before I could say anything.

Not that I really could say anything anyway.

Alice came dancing into the room just as I finished doing up the back of the apple white dress Edward had left on the bed for me. It was pretty. Very plain, but very pretty.

"Much better than that brown," Alice proclaimed, wrinkling her nose at the memory, "Might work better if you had fairer hair, but, still, much better than that sack."

I laughed at her, "Is there any way I could bathe, Alice? I feel disgusting."

"Oh! How silly of me! Of course Edward will not think of these things!"

Half an hour later Alice and I were heading to bathe in the lake that was within their grounds.

It occurred to me that I had no idea which family name Edward, Emmett and Alice came under and I was about to say as much as I pulled my dress over my head when my train of thought was interrupted by a loud gasp from Alice.

"What?" I asked, looking around me.

"Your legs Bella, they're covered in welts. Did Edward beat you? Rosalie told him to but he never beat me so I presumed you didn't get whipped either."

"Oh that was yesterday morning. For a few things on Friday night. When we first met."

"Bella," she shook her head, sighing at me, "I warned you."

"I know, Alice."

She was silent for a rare moment before, "Did it hurt?"

"Yes."

Not as much as the idea of him leaving appeared to hurt me last night though.

She traced her fingers along the lines that criss-crossed the entire way from just above my knees to my thighs and I gasped. They were tender.

"Sorry. At least he didn't beat you for calling Rosalie a witch though, that's something. And speaking of that," she smiled at me as she waded out into the water, "I can't believe that you told Edward that I lied to him! Where's your sense of sisterhood?!" And with that she sent a wave of water at me.

I screamed and ran into the lake, pushing a tsunami of water at her as I did so. The water was cold but clean and it felt wonderful.

I went out slower the deeper I got. Edward seemed to know nothing of underwear and I had only what I had borrowed from Alice so I didn't want to ruin it.

Alice was unconcerned though and dove under the water for long periods of time.

Suddenly I felt a tiny hand close round my ankle and jerk with surprising strength. I was sitting down in the water, thoroughly soaked before I could even attempt to shake her off.

"Alice you little wench!" I screamed as she ran, laughing at me, out of the water. I stood up awkwardly and ran out of the water after her, grabbing a clump of wet earth and plants from the bottom of the lake to lob at her.

"Well what do we have here?" a booming voice laughed at us as Emmett rode up grinning from ear to ear, Jasper behind him also on horseback. Edward and their father were nowhere to be seen.

"What are you doing back from town so early?" I smiled up at them

"Thought we'd come home to check for any nearly naked women running round the lake. We got lucky," Jasper came up beside Emmett, his eyes on Alice.

"If I was Edward I wouldn't have left my room if it had you in it. Don't you agree Jasper, she's diabolical!"

He laughed at me as I stuck my tongue out at him and placed my hands on my hips, trying to look intimidating.

In truth I liked being part of their banter. I liked that I was Bella here, one of them.

"Look at the marks on her," Alice said coming up behind me and spinning me round.

I heard Jasper take a sharp intake of breath and Emmett furrowed his brow in almost brotherly concern.

"What did he use? They look pretty bad," Jasper asked.

"A ridding crop," I answered, turning back round.

"Hmm… Maybe that's why he didn't beat you yesterday despite Rose's threats that she'd claw his eyes out if he didn't," Emmett commented, "Not that you beat Alice either," he added to Jasper.

"If I beat Alice for every thing that people suggest I do it wouldn't have the same impact it does when it's a rarer occurrence," Jasper answered, his eyes never straying from Alice's face.

"Or maybe Edward just thought it was a good thing that someone spoke frankly to your Rose," I said to Emmett, trying not to look at Alice and Jasper whilst they stared at each other. It felt as though it was their private moment.

"Maybe."

Jasper tore his eyes from Alice and shook his head at me.

"From what I can see you and Rose are both as stubborn as each other. You both need someone to wear you down, you have Edward and now she has you. Admittedly she has Emmett but her _feminine wiles_ seem to distract him from putting her in her place. Maybe you were meant to come here Bella," he smiled at me before turning his horse and heading in the direction of the house.

Emmett grinned at me before turning his horse and heading after Jasper, leaving me standing speechless on the bank.

~*~

Edward returned that night after dinner with another plate for me, some sort of bird. Again he sat opposite me, writing, completely ignoring me while I ate.

I sat still once I was done. He continued writing for a bit before laying down his quill.

"I see you have learned your lesson from last night. Good."

I said nothing, my eyes on the floor.

"Very good, Bella. Now, stand."

He had risen and was standing at the edge of the desk. I stood, unsure of what to do or say.

I still refused to be humiliated into thanking him for food or for allowing me to stand, but I was determined not to ruin everything.

The funny thing was that, like in my dream, Edward was not taunting me for my obedience.

He wasn't making fun of me for the fact that I was doing what he wanted of me.

"Come to the edge of the desk and bend over."

I looked at him blankly, my fingers grabbing on to the desk to steady myself. I didn't comprehend what he was telling me.

There was something insanely arousing about the way he ordered me about. I had never had anyone tell me what to do before, everyone was careful not to tread on my toes.

I had a nursemaid, Cleo, a female centaur, who taught me how to behave at parties and when meeting lords and how to eat properly at a banquet at court, but she never told me anything about how to act normally, never commented on my behaviour day to day and never ordered me around.

Edward was the only person so far in my life that ordered me about. And some strange part of me that I had never known existed liked it. I didn't understand it. Didn't understand it at all.

"Bella, I will not tell you again."

The stern tone of voice, the way his eyes ordered me to behave myself. Warned me what would happen if I didn't. It sent shivers through me, in the best possible of ways.

I wouldn't let him know though.

I walked to the edge of the desk, wondering why I was to get into this position. It offered up my rear and the backs of my legs to him and I wondered if this meant that he was going to whip me now for my comments to his evil sister yesterday.

"Bend over the desk, Bella."

A fresh wave of moisture exploded inside of me as I bent over the desk.

He did not pick up anything and at the thought of the possibility that his bare hand was going to strike me the wave inside me swelled.

Suddenly, unexpectedly, I felt a breeze on the backs of my legs.

Edward was lifting my skirts!

I flared, how dare he?!

And the undergarments Alice had leant me were by the fire in her room to dry, after being soaked.

No, this was not proper, not proper at all. By Aslan I'd have this barbarian whipped!

But I did not stand up or protest for the small part of me that I had never known about previously seemed to keep me there against my will.

I watched in the mirror as Edward gathered up the apple white skirts around my waist and stood back to look at me, half naked, bent over his desk.

He gave no sign that the sight pleased him but it pleased some strange part of me when I watched it in the mirror.

"Part your legs, Bella, shoulder width," he commanded, reaching into his pocket.

Oh Aslan save me, he has some horrid thing in there he is going to beat me with, I thought, as I buried my head in my arms.

I held my breath waiting for the strikes to land, I would not cry through this.

Edward's hand met with the back of my thigh but not slapping as I was anticipating, but rubbing some kind of lotion on, gently.

In surprise I jerked my head up to watch what he was doing in the mirror. He knelt behind me, a bottle I recognised as Extract of Dryad Kiss, a lotion that soothed skin as soon as it made contact with it, at his side.

There was a look that was almost tender on his face as he massaged it into the welts the riding crop had left on me, even making sure he got inside my legs where the crop had caught at the ends.

He saw me looking as he reached down for the bottle and his eyes met mine in the mirror.

As soon as he realised I was looking he changed his expression back to being neutral, wiping the caring look from his eyes.

"I would have done this last night, but you threw a tantrum," he answered the questions that he could clearly read in my face, despite the fact that I had always been known to keep my face impassive to the point that even my father could not tell what I was feeling.

I lowered my eyes at his voice as he started to work on my other leg. My legs felt better already.

"Right, you're done," he proclaimed, putting the bottle back in his pocket, "Bed dress is on the sofa. The small room next door has a basin of hot and a basin of cold water along with some soap if you would like to go wash up and get ready for bed."

He wasn't really offering it to me so much as ordering me to go make use of it but my hatred of him grew slightly less.

It was nice, having someone else be in charge, having someone to take care of me.

Knowing that if I didn't do as he told me there would be consequences.

When I returned from the small washroom I almost keeled over in shock. In my corner there was a well stuffed pallet, two huge pillows and a thick blanket.

"Go to bed," Edward ordered me, not looking up from the desk at which he had sat down again and was now reading something thick.

"Edward… Thank you," I said awkwardly. I had never actually thanked anybody before and meant it. Never really felt gratitude for anything. It was embarrassing now, like admitting weakness, to say thank you and I expected him to jump up and laugh at me and dance and sing and tell everyone that he had gotten me to give in.

"Firstly, I have not given you my permission to use my name. Secondly, I need your welts to clear up before I can whip you again without drawing blood. However," he paused and raised his eyes which held the smallest of smiles, "you're welcome."

His head snapped straight back down to the book on his desk.

The conversation between us was over for the night. He had not laughed at me, not tormented me for my weakness in giving in and saying thank you and doing as he told me.

I was slightly surprised but I smiled as I lay down in the exceptionally comfortable bed he had made up for me.

Despite my exhaustion I could not sleep when all the candles were still lit.

I lay for about an hour, pretending to sleep, before I heard him get up form the desk. He started to blow out the candles one by one.

I was startled when he did not go straight to bed before blowing out the last one but instead settled on the edge of my pallet for a moment.

"My Bella," he whispered, whilst I feigned sleep, and he reached out and stroked back my hair.

It was such an unexpected gesture that I had to fight to keep myself from opening my eyes. Nobody had stroked my hair since I was younger, since before my mother had died.

"See where good behaviour gets you, Bella. Oh I shall spank you. Hard and often for your attitude. That coltish attitude, that keeps you standing straight and tall and keeps your head tossed and held high, that I adore in a way you could never understand. But I do not wish to whip you or beat you, Bella. Behave for me, Bella."

He pulled the covers up around me, tucking me in, and stroked my hair one last time, his hand lingering slightly on my head before he got up and went to his own bed, blowing out the last remaining candle.

I turned over and drifted to a peaceful sleep, smiling.


	8. Mercy

Warning:Lemons in this chapter. As if you didn't get that from the quote lol.

Thank you for the reviews, they make me smile =)

Sorry the update took so long, been out and about everyday of my holidays so far haha!

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**Chapter 8- Mercy**

"_**In my dreams I kiss your cunt,**_

_**Your sweet wet cunt..."**_

_**~Atonement, Ian McEwan**_

I did not take well to doing as I was told, I was not used to it, but over the next week I learned, at the cost of a few beatings over Edward's desk, to bite my tongue.

Edward and I entered into something I couldn't quite define. He couldn't know what I dreamed of and I gave no sign that I had not been asleep that night, but still there was tension between us. Too much tension to say that we were comfortable with each other, but the tension gave me thrills in my stomach and I sometimes caught myself wishing that Edward would take me and use me as a bed slave. Not that he did.

As we grew accustomed to one another's company I began to understand Edward's emotionless, neutral expressions.

Out of the three brothers he was the most reserved, even more, so than Narnian Jasper who upheld the traditions that I was accustomed to, but Edward had small things that gave away what he was thinking or feeling, you just had to know where to look for them. His eyes flickered differently when he felt different things and his voice reached different levels of blank coldness depending on what emotion he was trying to hide.

The downside was that Edward too seemed to be able to start to read me. I had spent the majority of my childhood being taught how to keep my emotions under wrap, so that nobody could guess anything. I had been successful, I had a face like a blank canvas according to my father and his friends, but Edward seemed to be able to read everything about me from my face. It scared me. But I liked it.

As my behaviour improved I was allowed to spend my days freely with Alice whilst Edward went various places with his father and brothers. I had not yet met his father but presumed that he could not be important. I knew the majority of the Lone Island noble men and none of them had ever mentioned children. Or more specifically, none of them had ever mentioned single sons, a topic which the people seemed to insist on talking to me of all the time.

"Edward seems to spend more time in town with his father than Emmett or Jasper," I commented to Alice on my eighth day there as we walked through the grounds. Being a slave I was not permitted out of the grounds without Edward, not even with any of his siblings.

"Do you miss him?" Alice grinned slyly at me.

"Hardly, Alice," I rolled my eyes at her, pulling my cloak around me. The summer was truly going behind us now and the foliage was turning crimson.

"Oh do not lie, Bella!"

"Alice I do not care what he does. I cannot stand him. I am merely commenting on how things appear," I said curtly, biting my words.

"Hush Bella! You _can_ stand Edward. What you cannot stand is that you can despite the fact that every little thing that he does tells you that you should loathe and abhor him!"

"Alice," my voice raised, "I -"

"How sweet," Rosalie's voice came maliciously, "Bella is starting to actually like Edward."

"I hate Edward!"

"You bring his name up in conversation daily," Alice pointed out and Rosalie smirked.

"I wish to understand him better that is all." I just liked talking about him. It did not by any manner of means mean that I liked him. I hated him.

"What's to understand?" Rosalie hissed in my ear, "Edward is a man. 18 years old. Quiet. He has green eyes, bronze hair. He plays piano, fights decently, spends much time with his father. He -"

"There is more to a person than bare fact, Rosalie," I said, coldly.

"Well what else do you wish to know?"

"Nothing. Nothing that I do not already know."

"Then why ask? There is a reason Edward goes to town more than Emmett or Jasper," Rosalie smiled, the way a shark might smile at a small fish before it swallows it, as she began to circle me.

"Rose," Alice warned, shaking her head.

"Edward," Rosalie hissed in my ear, laughing at me, "Is to be married. Our father is making the arrangements."

"Rosalie, I do not give a damn. I do not care what the hell Edward does."

"Why get upset then?"

"I'm not upset."

"Yes you are."

"Just go die Rosalie."

"Touchy much?"

"Rose, go away and leave her alone," Alice broke in to our verbal sparring, glaring at her sister.

"Do not tell me what to do!"

"Nobody wants you here you Calormen witch," I hissed, my voice dripping with as much malice as I could muster, "Just go. Nobody wants you. May Aslan himself reject you from his kingdom."

"And may Aslan himself draw strikes on your back as he did Aravis!" she cried out, lunging at me.

Her fists landed on my repeatedly, on every inch of my skin that she could reach. I stood, shocked for a moment that I had brought out this reaction in her, before coming to my senses and starting to make use of my own fists.

Rosalie grabbed my hair – damn these Lone Islanders and their insistence that slaves could not have their hair braided – and pulled me to the ground.

We rolled around like dumb beasts before I felt Alice add her tiny mass to the pile and I sunk my teeth into Rosalie's arm. She pulled at me and we rolled again, now she was on top of me. She flailed and Alice went flying off to the side. I lunged for her, how dare she throw tiny Alice about, but her hands closed on my throat. She hissed words at me that I couldn't hear, couldn't comprehend. Everything was black.

I couldn't breathe. I was going to die. She was going to kill me. Aslan save me! What was I going to do now? How would I be rightfully avenged if I died? My father didn't know I was here yet! They probably wouldn't make any fuss over it if a slave died, nobody would ever find out that this had been my final resting place. They probably wouldn't even mourn me. Why, if my father –

"WHAT IN THE NAME OF ASLAN IS GOING ON HERE?!" Emmett's voice came over everything as he pulled Rosalie off me, holding her with one hand by the back of her dress, before flinging her face down over his horse and using his other hand to pull me, none too gently, to my feet.

I was absolutely filthy and covered in mud.

Jasper appeared from behind Emmett and yanked Alice to her feet before both men exchanged a look and nod, which they seemed to take as their cue to start off towards the house with us, Rosalie still over the horse and screaming for all she was worth.

As we reached the door Emmett pushed me over to Jasper and pulled off his belt, doubling it up and landing it on Rosalie's backside with a loud crack, causing her to cry out again.

"You have a choice Rose," Emmett said gruffly, "You can either lie over that horse and be beaten here where every slave in the place can see and hear you, or you can go to our room, where I will beat you just as hard but you will have some privacy for your wails."

Rosalie sniffed, but started to climb off the horse, back onto her feet.

I got the impression that Emmett did not beat her often but more than made up for it when he did.

We were marched to Emmett and Rosalie's bed chamber in their wing of the house and Jasper pushed Alice and I onto the sofa before leaving the room.

Emmett, still looking furious, hurled Rosalie onto the bed where she lay face down, snivelling.

"You two are getting the same once I'm through with her!" he roared at us and Alice grabbed my hand.

"Emmett's beatings are rare, but very hard," she whispered, "you don't sit for days afterwards. He hasn't beaten me for years, but I still remember the last one."

I shivered at the thought of what Edward would do if – no, not if, once he found out that his brother had beaten me.

"He has not even asked us what happened, he's just decided to beat us," I said indignantly. In the name of Aslan, she flew at me, it was self defence, and surely Emmett could not beat me for that?

"Yes, but Emmett knows we're all partly to blame. He knows you two provoke each other, that you both play off each other and that no matter who went for whom first all three of us ended up fighting. Anytime Emmett, Edward, and I fought when we were younger we all got the same punishment. Our father knew we all fed off each other."

"What if it wasn't your fault?"

"It encouraged you not to lash out."

"I see." Barbarians!

Emmett was landing thwack after thwack on Rosalie's rump and she was making so much of a fuss that I did not hear the door fly open. Edward and Jasper barged into the room. I saw Edward open his mouth and shout something, but Aslan alone knew what it was, and Emmett, who had his back to the door and could not see his brother, continued to lash Rosalie.

Edward crossed the room in a few brisk strides and grabbed Emmett's hand to steady him.

"Are they all to be beaten?" Edward shouted over Rosalie's never ceasing wails.

"Yes, you know the rules," Emmett nodded at him.

I figured Jasper must have told him what had happened. But he wasn't even asking my side of it!

"Fine, I shall take care of Bella. After you finish with these two your arm shall have not the strength to beat her as she deserves," he stated, jerking me up from the sofa and setting off from the room, dragging me behind him, not waiting for an answer.

As I looked back I saw Jasper dragging Alice by her arm from the room behind us and she too looked as though she was about to burst into tears like Rosalie. Jasper held a determined look on his face and a vicious looking wooden board in his hand. From the look on Alice's pretty face she had not forgotten the last time Jasper had applied it. I drew small comfort on the fact that I was not the only one who would not be sitting comfortably the next day.

"Over the desk," Edward ordered me, throwing me half way across the room in the direction of the desk.

"Edward-it wasn't my fault!"

"On second thoughts -here- take a pillow," he threw one at me, "And place it over the end of the desk. I intend for you to be bent over there for quite some time."

The familiar feeling of wetness trickled into my sex as I placed the pillow over the end of the desk and bent over it.

As was his intention the pillow raised my backside up higher and the only comfort I could give myself was the assurance that he could not miss and land the stroked anywhere else.

The now familiar, but still inappropriate, breeze came across my naked rear as he bundled my skirts up around my back.

"Open your legs, Bella," he ordered, his hand tracing lightly up the back of my leg.

The touch made every nerve I had stand on end and the command sent a fresh swell of moisture south. I was sure as he drew his hand away that he must have felt the juices running down my thigh for him.

I watched in the mirror as he pulled his hand away and picked up a belt, raising it in the air to strike me.

The leather's first brutal kiss came and I clenched my fists, burying my head in my arms. I had not cried yet at his beatings and I refused to start now.

And the next kiss came and I gasped out, my insides producing waterfalls now, for now it was not the leather's kiss that met me.

Instead Edward's head was between my legs, his tongue flicking in and out and then licking firmly and slowly as much of me as he could reach. I cried out, I did not know what to do. It was wrong; I knew it was wrong, my head knew it was wrong. But my body quaked at his touch, my back arched to throw more of me at him, wanting him.

"Turn over, Bella," he growled at me, his breath causing my sex to go wild, his hand on my hip, forcing me round. This suited me fine because I wasn't entirely sure that I could have moved myself without him.

His hands came between my knees, forcing them apart, so that I had one leg draped on either side of the desk, my womanhood raised up prominently on a pillow for him. It should have been my worst nightmare, it should have been horrible, I should have screamed, should have hated him.

I did scream, but I screamed for him. Not for help.

He traced his hands up my thighs before slipping them into the folds of my sex, pulling back the small hood of skin on my clit and blowing on it gently. My hips bucked up of their own accord and he landed a gentle kiss on my clit in response to my body's action before landing light kissed on my inner thighs then smiling up at me from between my legs.

"Your cunt, Bella," he groaned, his face falling forward into it, "Your sweet cunt. Always wet for me. Always so wet and so ready for me. Waiting for me."

He drew his tongue along the entire length of my sex and I thrashed, unable to stay still through it.

"Your cunt is begging for me. You're begging for me," he said, slipping two fingers into me whilst his tongue continued to play with my clit.

Cunt. Horrible word. Disgusting word. But something about it when it came out of Edward's mouth aroused me. It shouldn't have, it was a dirty word, and it sounded dirty.

But it did. And something told me to stop questioning why my body did what it did for him and to just let it. Because it was right. When I stopped asking why it was wrong it was right. It was wrong because I barely knew him; I had been there eight days. It was wrong because I was Isabella Swan and he was no one. It was wrong because no other man had ever seen me naked. It was wrong because I'd never even kissed another man on the lips before. It was wrong because all I'd ever done was dance and flirt with the men at court. It was wrong for one hundred thousand reasons. It was wrong because it was wrong.

And it was right because it was.

My body writhed under his touch, his commanding, self assured touch and I couldn't believe what Alice had told me that Edward had never been with another, no one could make a woman do this, feel this, want him this way without having been with another.

And I hated him at that moment because he had done this with another.

And I loved him because it was intense and insane and wonderful.

Sweet release come, I begged in my head, in the name of Aslan I beseech you release come! But there was no use begging anyone but Edward for release, I was at his mercy, he was the only one who could make it come.

He removed his tongue from my clit and looked down at me, replacing it with his thumb whilst his fingers dove into me faster and faster.

Tantalizing dance of cunt and fingers, reach a climax.

His thumb rubbed circles on my clit and our eyes locked on each other and I wished he would look away because at that moment the crescendo of the music swelled and release came and my face screwed up in a way I didn't want to imagine what it looked like and I screamed his name, my hips thrusting me up towards him of their own accord before I collapsed, panting, on the desk.

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**_Review it, please._**

**_*Puppy Dog Eyes*_**


	9. Regret

Okay well firstly thank you for all the reviews, you guys rock! I now have over 100, wow! Can't wait till its 200 [Hint Hint]!

Also thank you for those who liked my smuttiness, I've never ever written anything like that before at all, total first timer, so your comments were seriously appreciated!

The word cunt- I detest it, but I think I could love it if Edward said it ;)

So - why didn't he beat her? Because he was overcome by his need to stick his face into her sweet, wet cunt! Not that she's cottoned on to that yet!

Does he have feelings and will he act on them? Watch the story unfold, dears.

Who is he arranged to marry? As above, stick with my story and all shall be revealed!

Will they realise there's more to Bella, as in an Isa before the Bella? Maybe, maybe not, stick with it. But as Bella says in this chapter, she is important (as you my dear readers all know) and she is important enough that she will definitely have a rescue crew out for her, to take her away from Edward and back to Narnia.

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_**Chapter 9. Regret.**_

"_**Being your slave, what should I do but tend**_

_**Upon the hours and times of your desire?**_

_**I have no precious time at all to spend,**_

_**Nor services to do till you require."**_

_**~William Shakespeare.**_

I lay there, exhausted, panting and he smiled lazily down at me, pleased with himself. I had been completely at his mercy and the thought angered me. But I had enjoyed it? A question, not a statement. Or both a question and a statement. I didn't want to enjoy it, but I had.

At once both of us seemed to come to our senses and his lazy, almost proud smile snapped back to his usual cold expression, with a slight smattering of disgust.

"Bed, now," he growled at me before turning and disappearing out the room, glaring.

Fine! Fine by me! Screw Edward and the way he made my body feel! It didn't affect me! Hell, I could stick my fingers down there and do that! I didn't need him!

I stormed off and threw myself down onto the mattress, which was irritatingly comfortable.

As much as I wanted to stay awake, lying there and cursing him and imagining all the things I'd have done to him once my father and the men came and saved me, I fell asleep.

I woke the next morning to find Edward had already left. When he came back that night he said nothing, merely nodding his head in the direction of the desk to indicate the plate of food he had brought for me before leaving then returning to again nod his head, this time in the direction of my pallet, to indicate that I was to go to bed. He didn't speak one word to me.

The day after was the same.

I couldn't stand it. It drove me crazy. I lay in bed, rubbing my clit the way he had done, but not getting the same earth shattering feeling, like every bone I had had just separated from the one next to it and that I was flying in different directions, that there was nothing to me but my sex, my core, and that nothing else mattered. I brought myself to orgasm, and it was pleasant. But it did not satisfy me. I needed Edward. I needed his tongue. I needed him. No, I corrected myself, I didn't need him. I needed the release he was able to give me. I did not under any circumstances _need_ Edward! I didn't even know his damn second name, for Aslan's sake!

I spent the days with Alice, but Rosalie remained locked indoors as part of the punishment Emmett was inflicting on her, and I had no way of getting anything from Edward. He was ignoring me now, completely. After that wonderful night, he was ignoring me. And that stupid witch was not available for me to provoke, and that meant Edward did not even have to beat me for provoking her.

At least a beating would have involved him acknowledging my presence.

The awkwardness that was between us now was not the comfortable tension that there had been before. We had crossed a line that we hadn't really known existed and had we continued to just cross it and accept that we had crossed it, the tension may have remained as comfortable as it had been, but now he was ashamed of it. Ashamed of the way he had buried his face in me and talked of my cunt. Cunt, I hated that word. I loved it when he said it.

And I was ashamed. I was ashamed that I loved it when he said cunt. And ashamed that I had enjoyed him burying his face in my cunt. And ashamed that I missed the feeling, that I wanted it back.

And ashamed that I missed him to the extent that when he came into the room and nodded his head at whatever I was to go do, be it eat or sleep, that some previously dormant part of me flared up and wanted to go grab him and hold him so strongly in my arms that he could not ever leave, and some other part of me wanted to slap him across the face.

And part of that slap was because he shouldn't have violated me like that. Because he had been a _bastard_. And part of the slap was because he had made me feel wonderful then left me begging for more, and because he knew, he must have known, that he had left me wanting more. And now he wasn't giving me more. Because he was being a _bastard_.

Bastard! Bastard, bastard, _bastard! _ Fucking bloody _cunt_ of a fucking _bastard_!

I didn't swear. Never had. But he reduced me to such a state that all the hours I had spent learning the Narnian dialect and all its wonderful words and phrases was rendered useless and I could only think in my frustration of the most basic of insults. And although they were basic, they were the only ones that seemed bad enough.

And I hated myself because he affected me like this.

On the eleventh day I awoke to find the breakfast plate of eggs, ham, and bread waiting for me on the desk and Edward once again gone. At least now I had gotten my wish, I didn't need to ask permission to eat or leave the table. But I missed asking his permission. Missed the way his eyes smiled at me, as though he was proud of me for my progress with my good behavior.

"Do you wish to go to the lake today?" Alice popped her head round the door as I stood looking at the plate, fighting back tears that threatened to escape down my face at the loneliness of the breakfast for one.

"No," I said, shaking my head, using everything I had to keep my voice steady, "I have things I need to do today."

She knew I had nothing I needed to do that day. But she knew something was weird with Edward and me. And she knew that maybe getting out of my way was a good idea. Because Edward had to come back at some point. I had been out all day previously and come back to find the dinner there for me. Not today. Today I would wait all day if that was what it took.

I picked up the breakfast plate and threw it at the wall. It made a resounding crash, but even though I had thrown it with all my might, the frustration and anger was still in me. Rage coursed through my body. And I was disgusted and humiliated that I spent so much time and energy thinking about him and feeling things because of him.

All morning I walked round the room, pacing, planning, and scheming. And I reached no conclusions. Finally, I decided to give up attempting to make a plan. Instead I would simply wait for him to come and see what he said when I told him to talk to me. And if he didn't talk to me when I told him to, I would throw something at him. And then he'd have to put me over his desk and beat me. Though I wished for the day I would be over his knee rather than his desk and be spanked rather than beaten. And I wished that I had some certainty that that day was coming. And I wished that I didn't wish it at all.

This should have been perfect, he was ignoring me. He was pretending I didn't exist. It should have been amazing. It should have been brilliant. It should have been what I wanted. Should have.

After noon, when Alice had come in and brought me a plate of food and then left, giving me a small smile and a small hug, saying nothing, I threw myself down at his piano. Maybe that would get his attention, if he heard me play his piano.

I played a few Narnian songs that I knew first, singing to some and merely playing the notes of others. But music was a release. It was a way to vent. And the songs that I knew gave way to new melodies. Instead of practiced songs I let my fingers do what they liked, venting out all the anger and frustration and everything I had pent up inside of me until they could no longer play the music I had wished them to. Now they returned to the Narnian songs, playing a slow, melancholy tune, one I hadn't heard for a long time, yet one that I knew well. A song of loss. Of love and of loss and of war and of all those who were left behind. It was composed by King Peter during the only war that had taken place under his rule in Narnia.

I lost myself in it, singing the words out quietly and softly, so that I should have been able to hear anyone else come into the room. But I didn't hear him. I didn't hear him until I realized the song was finishing and that I was not singing alone.

All my plans of shouting at him and telling him what I thought of him left as I finished playing the song and turned to look at him. In that moment, when our eyes met, my heart started to beat faster, remembering the last time our eyes had met, remembering the feelings that had overtaken my mind and body and soul the last time our eyes had met. Yet I hated him. And I knew I hated him. But I wanted him. It was lust, pure lust. I hated him, I hated everything about him. But I yearned for him.

"I am sorry for the way I have been acting, Bella," he broke the silence.

I didn't know what to say. What was I supposed to say? I missed you? I need you? I want you? Don't ever leave me like that again? Something about going two whole days without talking to you seems to break me in two? Hardly.

"I should not have given in to my desires the other night."

And with that he stood up and made towards the door, and I noticed the plate of dinner on the desk.

No, this wasn't how it was meant to happen. My heart pounded in my ear drums. For the second time that day I picked a plate of food off the desk and hurled it at the wall.

"Edward!"

He turned, his eyes questioning me, my tone of voice. I couldn't describe my tone of voice. Intense, needy, demanding, commanding, pleading. All those things at once.

"Don't go."

I crossed the room quickly and threw my arms around him. Part of me seemed truly to believe that if I put my arms around him he would never be able to get away, that I would always be able to hold onto him like this, that his arms would go around me and he would hold me for eternity, neither of us breaking the embrace.

He didn't though. He stood there completely still as I flung my arms round his neck and looked up at him. What was I to do? I needed more of what he had given me the other night. I needed to show him that I needed more. But I couldn't say those words out loud.

I closed my eyes, it was the only way.

"Edward," I let out softly, before pushing him on to the bed and getting up on top of him.

Now what, 'I am your bed slave, let me be used as such'? No, no thank you, that was not what I was going for here. This was going to be for me. It was all about me.

I pulled his white shirt off and he lay there, looking at me with a million questions on his face, not sure which one he should ask first.

And his chest. I ran my hands down it. I could have looked at it, touched it, all day. But this was about me in the end, for as long as I had to remain here I may as well attempt to get him to give me more of the other night. Even though it was inappropriate and disgusting. And if it had been any other I would have relished the regret that Edward seemed to feel.

I reached down further, part of me reluctant to do so, wanting to stay looking at his chest, his wonderful chest, forever. But my hands slid down and I pulled off his trousers, leaving him completely naked. Apparently he had a problem with the concept of undergarments all the time, not just when it was my undergarments that were in question.

I gasped out loud at the sight of him; I hadn't been fully prepared for it. I had only ever seen a naked man before by accident and the sight had freaked me out. I had wanted to run away and block it from my mind forever. But as I looked at Edward naked, his manhood didn't seem disgusting, it was just a part of him. And it was rock solid. I reached out my hand to touch it, quite unsure now that I had got this far what I actually had intended to do with it.

I got the urge to close my entire mouth around it, but that couldn't be right. I had never been with a man and I had no experience now. I was out of my depth. I looked up at him, one hand holding lightly onto his engorged member and he looked back at me, his eyes as wide as mine and I realized that Alice had been truthful; he had as little experience as I did. Though the other night, the way he had teased me and driven me over the edge, he must have had some experience.

And on that thought the hatred I felt for him riled up again and I gave into instinct and closed my entire mouth around him, taking him deep down into my throat.

He moaned and his hips bucked up as mine had done yesterday and I tried to bring myself to the idea that perhaps I was doing this right. Perhaps this was what I was meant to do.

Tentatively I drew my mouth away from around him and started instead to lick him, in long motions, the way he had done to my sex three nights ago. Three long nights ago.

He started to thrash now, the way I had done for him and I realized that I was enjoying this. Now I understood the lazy smile he had had playing on his lips the other day, it was good to watch someone writhe under your touch, to know you were the sole reason for their writing.

"Bella!" he moaned out, and I once again sank my entire mouth round him, my tongue flicking him within the confines of my mouth, rolling round the long stiffness of him.

His hands grabbed my hair and pulled, and my body must have taken the tugging at my scalp to mean for my mouth to suck harder and faster because my mind certainly didn't make the decision.

"BELLA!" he shouted at the top of his voice and suddenly I felt something gushing down into my throat and I removed my mouth quickly, to find that the hot, sticky liquid was coming from Edward. I swallowed what was in my mouth and looked down at myself. I had pulled away too quickly; surprised by what had happened and now the stuff was all over the bare skin that was exposed over the low neckline of the dress I had been left that morning.

I opened my mouth, and then closed it again. Now what? I hadn't thought this through. I got off him and walked backwards away from him. The room was spinning. I wanted to go back to the bed and kiss him and hold him and be held by him. And I wanted to slap him across his stupid, perfect face.

"Bella," he repeated, sitting up in bed.

I loved the way he had said my name, both now when he said it softly, and earlier when he had screamed it as I had taken him in my mouth, swallowing something only he could give me, making him part of me.

He stood up off the bed and walked towards where I stood, my legs seemingly frozen.

"Don't you dare, Edward," I choked out as he reached out his arm to me. If he held me I would cry. I would let out everything I was holding in and everything I had been holding in for the past eleven days. He would know. I would be vulnerable to him. And that wasn't a position I was willing to put myself in. But I was already vulnerable. I could shut down and keep him away form me, but I couldn't stop his presence, his sweet, intoxicating presence, from completely controlling everything in me, form making me feel things I didn't want to feel.

This had been about me. All about me. About me getting him to repeat the other night. Not about this. Not about me feeling like this.

"Bella," he said again.

Dammit, stop saying my name Edward.

"Just don't, Edward."

"You are my slave and you will not tell me what to do," he growled, grabbing his trousers off the bed and starting to pull them on.

"I am your bed slave Edward, that was all that was about. I wanted more of the other night. That was all."

He looked at me, rage all over his face.

"You. Fucking. Whore." His voice was quiet, but the room was eerily silent.

I'm not a whore. I only want you. But I don't need you. I could feel like that with any man who knew how to use his tongue. I didn't need Edward. I wanted him. I didn't want anyone else. But I didn't need him. I didn't know what hell I was rambling about. I couldn't distinguish what I felt, what I wanted or what I needed. It all meant nothing. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I didn't need or want him. Nothing. He meant nothing.

"YOU FUCKING WHORE!" He seemed big on repetition right now. But then again, that wasn't him I could hear. That was him, the echo of his voice as it reverberated around the room, and my own voice screaming it at me inside my head.

But was I a whore? Did whores feel this way about their clients?

I said nothing and he stared at me and I stared at him and green met chocolate brown and both colours refused to be outdone by the other.

"Whore am I?" I asked once I found my voice, "What was that the other night if I'm the whore? How could you use me that way, how would you know exactly what to do that way if you weren't a whore?"

"DO NOT TALK TO ME THAT WAY!"

"WHY? BECAUSE YOU CAN'T HANDLE IT? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH?"

"DON'T YOU PRETEND YOU KNOW THE TRUTH YOU WHORE. YOU FUCKING WHORE!"

And with that he turned to grab his shirt and leave the room, only to stop as his eyes met Emmett's and Jasper's, the door was lying wide open. I hadn't heard them come in. He hadn't heard them come in. In fact, even now, I barely noticed their presence. The room was spinning, and turning red, and black, and disappearing and I couldn't stop it.

Edward pushed through them and Emmett turned to follow after him.

I turned and grabbed my head with my hands. What had I done? I had done it again. I had ruined everything. But I had needed to, hadn't I? This couldn't be, I couldn't feel for him. He didn't feel for me. And even if he did, he wasn't an appropriate person for me. Because no matter what happened here I was going to be rescued. And when I was he would probably be beheaded. And even if he wasn't I would have to go back to being Isabella Swan, I wouldn't get a choice.

I felt Jasper linger for a moment before the door slammed shut and as I was left alone I fell to my knees, cradling my head in my hands.

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_**So if you're all content to leave it here and for them to hate each other for eternity, then don't review.**_

_**Otherwise - hit the button!**_


	10. A Silent Meal

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Reviewers - thank you. Reviews mean the world to me, honestly =)

And my beta - again, thank you for correcting my absolutely awful typing as I'm sure it was!

Flockfighter95 - Thanks for the idea but I've actually finished writing this already so you'll just have to see how it pans out my way =P Like your ways of thinking though...

Jolie71- I'm very sorry about your ulcer, but I bet you secretly loved my contribution to it ;)

And yes everyone who commented, Bella is very much in denial, but shes about to start sort of getting over it, soon, I promise. However I know her denial is beginning to confuse some people and I'm sorry for that but its the way she is :P Can't change a wilful, stubborn girl without a good Edward there to do it... ;)

So also... I had a PM asking me why she doesn't try to escape. Well basically because she doesn't. Logically she has never been to Doorn, or any of the Lone Islands before except on any official tours she's taken so she has no clue who anyone is or where she would run to. Also, something is stopping her from even thinking about that - her mind is a little precoccupied with a certain something or someone else... ;) However, hold on till chapter 16 or 17 ish times(depending on how the typing works out). Thats all I'm saying.

Babydolcullen - Tanya will certainly make an appearance, but not for a few chapters yet, just stay with me. Bella is currently working on admitting it to herself, but you shan't hear them say it to each other yet, a lot happens between now and when they finally fully admit everything. I love my chapter where they admit everything though, it was one of the first ones i actually wrote. It made me smile. Cause I like a lot of cheddar and mozzarella in between all the angst (although I do love the old angst as you can tell. And even after they admit it there is more angst. Because, hey, everyone loves the angst!). ;) Though for that again everyone will have to stay with me.

Also guys - read the quote on this chapter. Its my favourite one so far. When I started looking for quotes it was the first one I found and I love it. (L) Cause I'm really a rather pathetic person and quotes make me happy... (As do reviews btw for anyone whose considering it... Just thought I'd get that in there! Can't blame a girl for trying!)

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**Chapter 10**

"_**Know that when I hate you, it is because **_

_**I love you to a point of passion that unhinges my soul."**_

_**-Julie DeLespinasse**_

"You have to come with me for a while," Alice said quietly, coming up behind me and putting her hand on my shoulder.

It was late the next morning; I had sat at Edward's desk all night. He hadn't come back.

I rose, wordlessly and followed her, entering again the room in which I had gone upon arriving here for the first time, before I had met Edward.

And even here in Alice's room he was still here. His presence, his sweet, intoxicating presence filled every nook and cranny. It filled everything. It filled my entire world. No matter how I tried to forget him and pretend that he had never existed, that nothing that had happened had happened, I couldn't.

He had held out his arms to me and my pride, my foolish pride, had stopped me from going to them as I wished to. Because I hadn't wanted him to see me weak and vulnerable. Because I hadn't wanted him to see me cry.

And because I wasn't entirely sure that I had gone to him I would ever have been able to leave.

I didn't know what I felt for Edward. But I knew I felt. I felt more than I had ever known it was possible to feel. And I hated it. I hated him for making me feel this way. This intensely.

It was crazy. It was insane. I'd known him 12 days! A mere 12 days! But he controlled me. I felt connected to him in a way I never had felt before about anyone. I felt the need constantly to be close to him. I thought of nothing but Edward. I wished for nothing but to have him always by my side. I wanted his hand in mine. I would rather be a slave and have Edward than be Isabella Swan without him.

And no matter how I tried to phrase it, no matter what angle I came at it from, having Edward didn't mean more of the other night. Having Edward meant more of last night, more of him reaching out his arms to hold me.

And I hated it. I hated him. I hated the control he had on me. I hated that no matter where I looked I only saw him. Even in my own head, even when I shut my eyes, he was still all I could see.

And most of all I hated myself for ruining everything. I hated being Bella because I had felt for him and had ruined it. And even more than that I hated being Isabella because Isabella excused what I had done. Isabella was the reason for what Bella had done, why I had refused to be vulnerable. Isabella was the reason I tried, over and over again, to stop Bella from feeling. From feeling the way she did. From feeling anything.

Alice and I bathed and she gave me a new dress before we spent the day sewing braiding onto a dress that she wanted to wear to a ball she was throwing on Saturday night, two nights away.

"What is the party for?" I asked her as we worked.

"It is Jasper and I's third year of marriage."

"You got married when you were 15?!"

"Yes."

"Didn't your mother and father think you were too young?"

"I don't think so, but then…" she trailed off, looking at me awkwardly.

"What?" I asked, completely clueless as to why she was looking at me so oddly.

"Well, I'm not sure if I should say this, given you and Edward's argument. It may upset you."

"An Alice- Edward and I's argument hardly bothers me."

"Yes it does, Bella," she said, softly, "You are very good at covering it up and putting on a brave face, but I can tell you are upset."

"Alice, I am not upset!"

"You are. You're just stubborn. You stayed up all night last night waiting for him. And he's stubborn because he never went back. And the two of you are just as bad as each other. Neither of you will be the first to admit it, but you are both upset by this!"

I'm not upset. I'm broken. I've been pulled apart and even if they gathered up all the pieces and put me back together it still wouldn't be right.

"Edward isn't upset."

"Edward has never shouted like he did last night. Never. Edward is stern and tough and strict. But not a shouter. And he never reacts to the way people make him feel. Only to things they do. Not how the things they do make him feel."

I had to admit it; I had never heard Edward shout the way he did last night. But that just made it worse, I had pushed him to a point no one else ever had. I had ruined it all. Completely. Utterly. There was no hope. He would never care for me now. He would hate me forever. And that was fine, because I hated him. But it wasn't fine. It wasn't fine at all.

"Never mind Edward and I anyway, what were you saying about you and Jasper?"

"Well… It's just… Jasper is my everything. He is more me than I am me and I am more him than myself. Jasper is my soul mate. The point in my existence. I knew as soon as I kissed him that I never wanted to be without him. I am dependant on him for my own existence, Bella. Without him by my side, nothing means anything. Life with Jasper has reason, purpose. Without Jasper, I would cease to be."

I had to look away from her huge eyes then, because I knew exactly what she meant. I knew exactly how she felt. It was incomparable, inexplicable and irrevocable. And it was impossible. Because I hated him. Hated him and everything he was more than words could explain.

"And without you, my love, I too would cease to be," Jasper's voice came quietly behind us and I jumped.

"Excuse me," he muttered at me, noticing my jump, "You two must come – dinner is about to be served."

"Have I to come to dinner?" I asked, surprised. And slightly terrified, because Edward would undoubtedly be there.

"I don't have the patience Edward does to pick out something I think you'd like and have it made for you," Jasper said, his eyes connecting with mine and attempting to answer the questions mine were asking, "So, yes, I think it would be a good idea if you were to come to dinner."

"I am not really dressed for dinner."

"They do not dress for dinner here the way we do in Narnia," Jasper smiled at me, offering his arm so that he could escort me, whilst Alice trotted along beside us.

"Yet another reason we should move," she said loudly.

"I do wish we could, my dear, you would love Narnia."

"Yes well, if things don't go to plan and Edward ends up getting married to that awful girl we may have to," Alice said her eyes on me. I blinked, not understanding.

"You can hardly call her awful Alice, you've never met her," Jasper laughed at her.

"Yes well she sounds awful; I don't know how they bring up women in your Narnian court but honestly…" Alice smiled up at him, sighing.

Edward was meant to marry someone from the Narnia court? I couldn't have heard right. My brain didn't function after the word Edward was mentioned. It couldn't think after that, only feel. Only feel pain. I couldn't have heard that right… If I had heard that right the pain would get worse. And I couldn't take it. I couldn't take any more pain.

We were nearing a room that's door lay open, revealing Emmett and Rosalie inside, seated at a table designed to hold about ten, and I was glad, for Alice and Jasper's eyes lit up when they looked at each other and I felt as though I was being stabbed when I intruded upon their moment.

We sat down, myself with Emmett on one side and Alice on the other, Jasper sitting opposite me, next to Rosalie. I smiled at Jasper. Tonight would be awkward enough without having Edward directly across from me.

Upon that thought Edward came striding in to the room and threw himself down next to Jasper. My heart jolted and I had the urge to throw myself across the table at him, and to run away and be sick, but my legs had turned to jelly and I could not have walked unsupported for either option.

Edward completely ignored me, pulling his napkin off his plate and setting in on his knee before demanding,

"Where are mother and father?"

He was looking at Emmett. Straight at Emmett. Even though I was sitting next to Emmett his eyes did not even touch me in passing.

"Father has been called to Narnia, and mother has gone with him," Emmett answered him, clearing his throat and pulling his napkin onto his own lap as slaves, I presumed, came forward with trays laden with food. Far too much food for six people.

"Why has father been called to Narnia now?" Alice said her voice pitchy and tears welling in her eyes, "It is Jasper and I's anniversary ball on Saturday, then it is your birthday after that and the ball for that will be a week on Saturday! A voyage to Narnia will take at least 4 days so he shall most likely miss both parties unless he reaches Narnia and turns right back around immediately!"

"Hush, Alice," Emmett said, not unkindly, to his tiny sister as her voice continued to get higher and higher, "Father has been called away on important court business."

My ears pricked up at this.

"Two ladies of the Narnian court have been killed whilst voyaging in the Lone Islands. They think it has been the work of the Calormens; the two went missing at some time during the night between leaving Felimath and arriving at Doorn. Father and a few of the other men have been requested to help find them. Neither of the two involved should have at any point been travelling without male accompaniment, so it's been a well planned kidnapping."

"Father spends half his life at the Narnia court!" Alice exclaimed, still sounding as though she was about to cry.

"Is Edward's betrothed amongst them?" Rosalie interjected.

"Amongst all two of them?" Edward laughed at her whilst Alice and Jasper both glared, "No, Edward's intended is safe. Until she meets Edward of course and he flat out rejects her."

Edward's betrothed was a woman of the Narnian court? I had heard right earlier then. And his father spent half his life at our court? I must know both of them then. I couldn't think who could be their father; none of the men at court bore any resemblance to any Edward, Emmett or Alice. I had never noticed anyway. Most of the men were not good looking. As for his intended? Who could it be? There was Lauren but she was supposedly intended for the Lord Tyler. And there was Lady Angela, but she was far too young to get engaged, she was only 14. But then Alice got married when she was 15… Possibilities whirled round my head and my stomach hurt from thinking that I would possibly know who would take him from me. Not that he had ever been mine. Not really.

"I may not reject her," Edward said, his voice emotionless.

"Oh but you shall though, Ed!" Emmett laughed heartily, oblivious to Alice and Jasper's dirty looks, "She sounds like a right rotter! Spoilt brat that likes to get her own way all the time. Thinks a lot of herself. You'd be as well marrying Tanya!"

"Humph."

I cried out slightly as my leg became the victim of 2 sharp kicks under that table that had been aimed at Emmett, though who they came from I was not entirely sure.

Edward was going to say yes to whoever it was? I couldn't think about it though. It hurt to think about it.

"So exactly when will father return?" Alice asked her voice slightly calmer.

"Well they are gathering everyone in Narnia at Cair Paravel just now and then they intend to start searching Doorn then Felimath and then Avra. If the women aren't found, there's to be a war. So basically father's return will be decided by whatever happens."

A war? Well of course there would be a war if they thought we'd been kidnapped. What if they didn't find me here though? Would Edward go to war? And would he come back? What if he got married before he went to war, as many did? I couldn't bear it.

And what if they did find me here? Could I convince them that Edward hadn't kidnapped me? If things came out about how he beat me and about the other night – he'd be dragged through the streets and hanged. Though perhaps, if his father were a man of the court, they would behead him. The dignity of a beheading. At least if he went to war he had a chance at dying with honour. No, if they found me, I would need to convince them that Edward had saved me. But he had so much honour, so much dignity, and so much pride. Would he lie to save himself?

And suddenly I was furious! Why should I pretend he saved me? He was ignoring me! He hadn't looked at me once all dinner! And anyway, it may be easier to see him beheaded than to see him every day in court, married to another. Some horrible sounding other.

Edward filled his plate and stabbed at various bits of food. I watched him from the corner of my eye, trying not to be obvious. It wouldn't have mattered if I had been though. He didn't look at me once.

As soon as he was finished he threw down his fork and stood up, striding from the room as determinedly and purposefully as he had entered.

And I loved it, the way he strode about looking haughty. And I loved his quiet reserve. And I loved the way his green eyes flashed at me to rebuke me. And I loved… I loved… Well, anyway, I couldn't stand it that he could belong to another.

"Well… that was…"

"Quiet?" Jasper supplied to his brother's unfinished sentence.

"Hmm," Emmet agreed, inclining his head, his jovial laugh gone, he was now smiling at me rather gravely.

"I would have used _silent_. Edward has always been _quiet_. Until recently. Then he became slightly more normal, which for anyone else would be the equivalent of them becoming hysterical. Then he went fairly subdued the past few nights. Tonight, however, he was silent. Absolutely _silent_," Alice said, her eyes boring into me the entire time she spoke. As I looked up I realized that they were all staring at me except Jasper, who was pretending to be interested in counting his potatoes.

"Alice!" His voice chastised his wife as he seemed to sense my discomfort.

Her eyes fell to her plate and Jasper continued to eat, needing no more than a sharp tone of voice to effectively rebuke his wife.

The other four started to converse again, over the mysterious two women who had been kidnapped and more than once I saw Jasper's eyes flit to me.

Jasper had suspicions, I could tell. But Emmett, Rosalie and especially Alice were too preoccupied by the thoughts of war with the Calormens and the two parties that their father would miss to notice the possibilities that sat next to them at the table.

I was too exhausted, too drained and too empty to join in. What would I say if I did join in though? Hi, I'm here, I'm the one who's missing? When Rosalie had suggested I was a spy Emmett had said that Gliftin hadn't the brains to plant a spy, would they believe he could kidnap me? And they knew I shouldn't have been without a male escort – would they believe that I had just gone for a walk that morning? Every slave who looked remotely Narnian would most likely try and use the excuse. And even if they did believe me – then what? How would they react to me? Would it achieve nothing but to push Edward further away from me? Would it mean he always spoke to me the way etiquette demanded that he should? Would I never see that angry flash in his eyes? Never hear him threaten to give me a sound beating if he thought I needed it? Never see him tease me and hold things he knew I wanted above my head so I couldn't reach them? Never see the warmth in his eyes that he tried to hide?

Keeping myself together whilst Edward was there had been almost impossible. Keeping myself in my seat rather than launching myself across the table had been hard. All I wanted to do was go to him and fall to my knees and place my head in his lap and beg him to forgive me and never let me go.

And I hated that he affected me like this.

I hated Edward.

And I boiled up inside every time I thought about this Narnian that he might marry. It was all I could do not to let the rage consume me and go storming out the room after him and jump on his and tear his hair out and scratch his eyes out and punch him repeatedly over and over and over again. I wanted to hurt him. I wanted to hurt him so much that it caused me to tremble in my seat.

I wanted him to feel as hurt as I felt.

'I may not reject her' Edward's voice played over and over in my head, and his expression started to become teasing, then taunting, then leering. And in my head I commanded vile, horrible Edward to stop it. But he didn't, he just kept laughing. And I wanted to claw his face off.

But I stayed in my seat, mustering every ounce of strength I had to keep me still, to stop my face from betraying my emotions. To stop me from running to his chambers and kissing him and punching him and telling him he was an ass and begging him for forgiveness and asking him to hold me close and never let me go.

"Bella?" Emmett's voice intruded on me and my conscious returned to the table and registered the four pairs of eyes that had been on me.

I blinked, "Hmm?" I enquired, generally, trying not to be too obvious about the fact I had just blatantly zoned out and ignored them all for – well, long enough that dessert had been served and everyone else's was finished whilst my bowl was still full, my spoon clutched in an iron fist.

"Sorry… not that hungry," I mumbled, attempting to put the spoon down quietly and managing to do it with a loud bang instead.

"Well, that's nice, but I asked if you enjoyed riding?" Emmett said his eyes amused.

Oh. "Yes, I like riding," I nodded. How embarrassing. My father would be having a fit if I made that mistake in front of him.

I looked quickly round the table before lowering my eyes to the apparently fascinating carpet. Emmett looked amused, Rosalie irritated, Alice worried, and as for Jasper, well, the look on his face suggested that he was assessing me. For what I was not 100% sure.

"Well, we shall have a horse saddled for you then. For now perhaps you should go to bed, you are exceptionally white. Even for a Narnian. Are you sure you're quite well?" There was genuine concern in Emmett's eyes and his suggestion that I should go to bed reminded me forcefully of the way Edward ordered me to go to bed, whether I liked it or not. _Edward_…

No, Emmett, I'm not well. Not at all.

"I'm absolutely fine," I said, pasting on my brightest smile, "Forgive me; I'm just a little tired." I rose gracefully from the table and then all of a sudden realized I had laid it on too thickly for a quiet, informal family meal. Jasper's eyebrows were almost lost under his shaggy fringe, Rosalie looked as though I was insulting her and Emmett looked at me as though I was slightly insane.

"We shall go to bed then," Alice said, standing up and taking me arm, saving me from making more of a fool of myself. I followed her, automatically nodding to Jasper, who had risen as I had. Emmett seemed slightly baffled, by my behaviour or by Jasper's actions I wasn't entirely sure. It was normal custom in Narnia, for a man to stand as a lady did.

I could feel Jasper's eyes on my back the entire way as I left the room.

And I could feel Edward's presence. And I hated him.


	11. A Waltz

Heyy guys, sorry this took so long, we had some problems with the docX thing, plus my internet shut down for a few days. Useful, eh?

Anyway, if I don't answer your questions here then presume they'll be answered at some point in the story =P

To address the reviews/pms I'm getting about POV's: This will be told entirely in Bella's POV, however I am also currently writing it in Edward's POV so if their is interest in reading that then I'll post it up after this is all up and finished. I wasn't planning on writing this in Jasper's POV at all, but I am intending to write Jasper and Alice's story [as they are in this story ie still in Narnia-ight world] which will be partly in his POV for those of you who are interested in Jasper's wonderful mind.

Alsooo... **THANK YOU** for the reviews. They make me really really happy =).

Plus updates and reviews are in a direct correlation - I set myself a target of number of reviews for a chapter before I put up the next one.=P

Anyway this is the longest one yet - which sort of makes up for the length of time I kept you all waiting on it.

PS Family Values will be updated either tomorrow or the next day, promise!

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**Chapter 11. A Waltz.**

"_**Dancing with the feet is one thing. Dancing with the heart is another."**_

_**Author Unknown.**_

Friday passed in a blur, with Edward not coming to breakfast, lunch, or dinner, all of which I took with his four siblings.

Saturday was spent helping Alice and Rosalie to prepare the ballroom, for Alice and Jasper's ball. Emmett, Jasper, and Edward disappeared all day, returning only an hour before the guests were due to arrive.

I avoided looking at Edward as he entered the room with his brothers to inspect our decorating. I had missed him. I didn't know how I was going to get through the night. Alice had insisted I attend the party. I suspected that she was also partly the reason I was at meals with the family, rather than with the other slaves.

Although, I thought, it did have to be noted that I was generally treated differently from the way the other slaves were. I had not seen many of the slaves, only the gardeners and the slaves who served meals, but their presence was barely noticed by anyone. In contrast to this Emmett treated me as though I was his younger sister who he laughed at, but ultimately seemed to genuinely care for. Jasper treated me as I was accustomed to, the way Narnian gentlemen treated all ladies, not the way slaves were treated.

Alice seemed to love me as a sister and had always done so. Over the past 2 weeks I had also come to think of her as a sister, or at least a best friend. At first I thought it was perhaps only due to Jessica's absence, that I was craving a substitute, but it seemed that I had honestly come to love Alice and in a way I almost preferred her to Jessica. She treated me warmly without ever trying to please me, she didn't insist on ridiculous customs like Jessica and Cleo, my nanny, did. She was fun.

And I seemed to fit in with them all. Even with Rosalie, she was still sniffy, but seemed, now, not to hate me as she first had done. Besides, she was like that with everyone and I began not to take it personally.

It was almost as though there was a perfect, Bella shaped, space here waiting for me. But that was the problem, Bella could fit here, but could Isabella? No, because Isabella couldn't fit in with the glue that held Bella connected to the sculpture. Isabella couldn't fit with Edward. And no matter how I fit with everything else, if I couldn't fit with Edward it was all just pointless. Even after the men rescued me I didn't think I could keep up the friendship with Alice and Jasper and Emmett and, by extension only, Rosalie if it meant having to see Edward without being able to be with him.

Alice and I stood looking in her huge wardrobe. I saw her staring at a pale blue dress, trimmed with silver and crystal.

"Why don't you wear that if you like it so much?"

She turned her eyes to me, "That is a dress fit for a Queen. I would be insulting the Narnian court if I wore it merely for my own anniversary."

I shook my head, "I am sure those at the Narnian Court would rather you wore what you wanted."

"No," she reached into her wardrobe, "I shall wear this." She picked out the silver grey satin dress that we had sewn the braiding onto on Thursday, "As I planned."

"Very well. Though I still think you should wear the blue one." I was sure the King couldn't give a toss what Alice wore.

"What do you want to wear Bella?"

"Whatever, Alice. In fact," an idea struck me, "Could I have back the crinoline and hoped skirt I was wearing when I arrived?"

It was not at all what a slave should wear and in truth I was starting to like the tall, slim shape that the Lone Island dresses gave me, but dressing so frivolously would perhaps make Edward react to me. Even if he had given me to Alice. I closed my eyes at that thought. He had given me away because he didn't want me any longer. I couldn't deal with that. It broke me in two. I would have to think of something else.

Alice pulled out the undergarments, "What about an actual dress Bella or were you planning on just going in your petticoats?" she asked me, laughing.

"Do you have anything green?"

Green? Why had I requested green? Then I realized that emerald green was the colour of Edward's eyes.

"Here," she reached in to her wardrobe, "This may work over a crinoline and hoops; its got a fairly full skirt."

"Thank you, Alice."

"No problem," she answered, looking keenly at me. Looking right through me. She knew it was for Edward.

I looked at myself in the looking glass after I had changed, trying to decide how I felt about what I saw. My hair hung long and loose around my shoulders, which seemed to make me look less refined and dignified, but at the same time more… approachable? More fun? More like the 17 year old I was and less like a 30 something mourner who had lost her mother and didn't know how to laugh? It made my dark brown eyes stand out against the alabaster white of my skin. I could almost have been mistaken for beautiful.

And my face seemed to have changed. I still held myself well, my head was still high, and my posture fine, but something was different. I couldn't place it exactly but I looked… healthier.

Alice appeared beside me in the looking glass.

"You'll get him back, Bella, stop worrying. And you'd do it with or without that dress."

"I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about, Alice."

"Give over, Bells."

"I honestly don't."

"Liar."

I opened my mouth to protest, but she cut me off.

"We need to go Bella. We can argue about this later. Guests will be arriving."

I did not care about Edward. I didn't! I absolutely didn't! But I wasn't convincing Alice of that. Or myself.

By the time we got down to the ballroom many of the guests were already there, and Alice left me standing myself while she went off to greet guests. I was slightly lost; I had never been abandoned at a party where I knew no one before. I had never been to a party where I knew no one before.

I had been slightly worried at first when Alice spoke of a party – if the Lone Island lords were there then one of them was bound to recognize me. And if they did – if that fact I was Isabella Swan came out – Edward may never speak freely to me again. Not that I cared, I didn't care. But I did care; I wanted him to speak to me again because he wanted to, not because he realized who I was. But now all the noblemen were in Narnia.

"Would you care to dance, my Lady?" a male voice came from behind me.

I turned to come face to face with a boy who had sandy coloured hair, and who looked about twelve years old in the face, but who had the body of a man. I took a deep breath and pasted on a smile, ready for what I had to do.

"Aye, stranger," I said, smiling up at him, from beneath my eyelashes, as he took my hand and kissed it.

It had been a long time, almost three weeks, since I had danced at a party.

"Michael Newton," he grinned, a boyish, immature grin, leading me to the dance floor. Dancing with anybody had to be better than standing alone.

"Then we are no longer strangers," I curtseyed as the music began.

I loved to dance, but as I went through the familiar steps I realized that there was someone I wanted to dance with. Someone who wasn't Michael Newton. And I hated Edward for making me feel like this. I didn't care about him. Or, at least, I didn't want to. But I wanted to be in his arms, to lay my head on his chest, to feel him pull me close.

I knew of Michael Newton, his father was Lord Samuel Newton, a friend of my father's. They were a nice enough family, and one of the richest in the Lone Islands. My father had suggested once upon a time that Michael and I would make a decent match, but I had refused to go along with it. I was glad that I had. He had never done anything to irritate me, but at that moment I hated Michael Newton. Because he wasn't Edward.

Well, screw Edward. I'd paste on a smile and flirt and dance and laugh and make sure Edward knew I didn't care for him. But I had looked for him when I arrived and he hadn't been there yet. The music ended and the next song begun, a fast dance which required the two partners to stand exceptionally close together and turn many times. They had stopped playing it in Narnia, they had deemed it inappropriate.

Michael looked at me to see if I wanted to continue dancing and I gave him a bright smile and nodded. He pulled me close, his left hand holding my right, his right around my back, pulling me in tightly to him. I recoiled slightly inside. I had no wish to be held this close by a man that was not Edward. Not even for a dance.

As I took the first turn I saw him and my heart jolted.

He stood, tall, haughty and proud at the edge of the dance floor, wearing a green tunic that brought out his eyes. We matched, without even planning it. His messy hair fell perfectly over his forehead and as our eyes met I saw that he looked absolutely livid. Oh Aslan, maybe the dress was too much. Maybe I had pushed him too far. I wanted a reaction, but I didn't want to confirm to him that he had done the right thing in giving me away.

I felt the rage surge inside me. Fine, if a dress pushed him too far I may as well keep going.

I clutched Michael tighter and locked my eyes with his as we danced; smiling up at him from under my long lashes.

May as well be hung for a dragon as the egg.

Maybe I wanted to see if my flirting would annoy him further?

"May I cut in?" a male voice came from behind me as the song ended.

As were the rules of courtesy, Michael released my hand and I offered it to the man, who took it and gently began to promenade with me.

"Forgive me, my lady, I have not introduced myself before presuming to take your hand. I am Eric, Eric Yorkie."

"Robert Yorkie is your father?"

"Yes," he peered down at me as I turned around him, "forgive me, but, do I know you?"

I would avoid any official introduction.

"I do not believe that we have met but your mother is a relation of some form or another of mine. You know family trees," I laughed up at him, "everyone's basically interrelated these days."

I turned before he could say anything, as someone had tapped me from behind.

"Is the next dance taken?" A short, stout man smiled at me, his broad Doorn accent almost making me laugh out.

"Not yet." I said, flashing my most charming smile and allowing my tiny hands to flutter delicately round my face as Eric let the one he had been gripping go.

Edward had thrown himself against the wall and he was watching me menacingly, ignoring the people who were grouped around him, attempting to carry a conversation with him.

I began to doubt my plan. Making him mad was what had pushed him away before, why was I doing it now, again? Would I ever learn? But he had said he loved my headstrong attitude hadn't he? That hadn't been a dream; I had heard him say that.

But this wasn't making him mad, was it? This was making him jealous. That was different, wasn't it? And even if it did make him mad, well, at least that meant something. That meant he cared enough about me at least to be mad. At least it wasn't cold indifference.

I continued to dance all night. I was a good dancer. I was a good flirt. I had charm, I had personality, and I had acting skills. I had every man in the room buzzing round me by the time one of the slaves came in and requested that everyone go through to the dining room for dinner.

"Bella, come sit here, by me," Jasper's calm, grave voice came to me as I entered the room surrounded by a gaggle of men, my arm on Michael Newton's.

"Oh please don't, I am seated further down the table, I shall not get to speak to you all dinner," one of the men said, the others joining in with nods of agreement.

"Oh come now," I said, laying my arm on Jasper, "Of course I must sit near my darling Jasper, this is his party after all, but, Michael, please do sit by me dearest. And Eric you must sit on my other side!"

"What about me, my lady?" one of the men demanded.

"And me?"

"And me?" chorused the others.

"Well, I shall need someone to fetch my food. In Narnia the men always pick for the women," I said, allowing my hands to flutter round my chest, "And I am quite accustomed to it. Oh, but I _am_ sorry you shan't _all_ get to sit by me."

"I've got an idea, why don't we take the chairs and place them behind you so that we can still join in your conversation?" an auburn haired man proclaimed, dragging a chair over and placing it almost right behind me so that I was completely wedged in.

"Why, that's a fabulous idea!" I cried, clapping my hands in an imitation of delight. In truth I was getting slightly tired of it.

Michael and Eric certainly didn't look very delighted.

I sat down, smiling sweetly across the table at Rosalie, Emmett and, I realized with a lurch, Edward.

Well, good, at least he hadn't missed the show. But would I be able to keep it up with him in such close proximity?

He made my head spin, made my breathing quicker. My well matured breasts heaved in the tight constrains of my basque and I had the urge for the first time that night to flutter my hands round my face, not because it looked delicate and feminine, but because I actually felt delicate, and weak, and vulnerable.

His jaw was set, his face a cool mask. But his eyes were alive and he gripped his knife and fork tightly. And I noticed these things.

Emmett looked amused at my behaviour, Rosalie furious, and Alice looked right through me. I couldn't place the look on Jasper's face.

"Having fun Bella?" Emmett smiled over at me, his eyebrows raised, conveying more with his face than the question.

"Of course! Why, Michael here," I said, laying my hand on Michael's arm, "Is an absolutely fabulous dancer, and Eric tells the most hilarious jokes!"

"Here you go," a black haired, tanned man announced, placing a plate in front of me.

"Hey! I wanted to get the first course!" a man with a moustache bristled. If I had been in Narnia I would have laughed at the way his moustache also seemed to move, as if it too was annoyed, but sitting here, with Edward across the table, I couldn't find anything funny.

"Missed your chance, Rege," the black haired man grinned.

"You may get the next course," I smiled at Rege, batting my eyelashes.

"What about me?" The auburn haired man cried, "I wanted to get that! May I get you your dessert Miss Bella?"

"No! I'm getting that!" shouted someone near the back of the semi circle of men around me.

"Why, gentlemen, please!" I exclaimed, turning back to the table, smiling.

How desperately I wanted to look at Edward to see how he was reacting. To look at him with a 'So there Edward. Ha. Ha. Ha.' Look on my face. But I couldn't. Because that would ruin everything. Instead I kept my charming smile in place.

"Are you enjoying yourself Emmett?"

"Oh, immensely, my Lady," he answered, imitating the men who were circled round me. He was teasing me like I was part of the family and I liked it. I grinned at him and opened my mouth again, but before I could say anything Edward slammed his fork down with an almighty crash.

"Who isn't? It is _highly amusing_ to watch you whore yourself around the room dancing with every man who asks, keeping them all hanging on. You're making a damn fool of yourself and everyone else in this house, acting like a little _slut_," he growled at me.

The entire table had gone silent during Edward's outburst. Men weren't meant to say things like that to women. Not even in the Lone Islands. Even I was slightly stunned. 'I thought I was a whore according to you' I wanted to shout at him, but instead I opened my mouth and no sound came out.

Did he care? Or did he only care about how the way I was behaving reflected on him? But nobody knew who I was here; nobody knew I was connected to Edward.

Michael, Eric, Rege, and many of the other men had risen to their feet.

"That's no way to speak to a lady," Michael said menacingly, drawing his sword, his eyes on Edward.

Dear Aslan, no, do not let them fight.

"He's right," Eric agreed, his hands going for his sword.

Lone Islanders are violent, uncouth, uncivilized beasts, I thought to myself.

"Please, be calm and forgive Edward," I said smiling at them, my face the epitome of composure, never showing the emotions that were racing through me, "I'm afraid Edward here is a little bit of an anti-social _git_ who hates parties because he'd rather spend his time being a thoroughly miserable little _sod_."

There was a collective gasp around the table and several jaws almost hit the floor. Ladies weren't exactly supposed to call men gits, especially not at the dinner table.

Edward gave a low growl, his eyes and mine locking, neither of us willing to look away first. My heart pounded. I would have to look away, I was going to faint if I didn't. Holding eye contact with him was… _intense_. But I was frozen. I couldn't look away.

My heart raced on at light speed as every other muscle on my body froze. I drowned in those enticing green pools of fire. A happy death. I had succeeded, at least, in angering him. I could hardly dare to believe my thoughts.

I had angered him by dancing with other men. Did it mean, could it mean, that he truly cared? Cared as I did? And I wanted to beg him to tell me. I needed to know. But I couldn't hear him say no. Say that he only cared about his reputation and how I was reflecting upon it. But that wasn't it; he was damning his own reputation talking to me that way. He must care. He must. But what if I asked him, asked him outright, and he said no? I was sure that the agony of not knowing couldn't compare with the agony of knowing that he didn't want me.

"Good one, Bella," Jasper said, breaking the silence with a smirk.

'Wasn't joking' I thought sourly, but instead I pasted on my most charming smile and tore my eyes from Edward's.

"Thank you, Jasper," I turned to him as a few people around us started also awkwardly to laugh, going along with the idea that it had been a joke on my part, "And I must say, you're looking wonderful tonight. Are you still as in love with Alice as you were 3 years ago on your wedding day?"

"Of course," he said, wrapping his arms round her waist. I had to look away. I couldn't have kept my smile in place any longer if I watched the love that was in front of me live and breathe.

I lowered my eyes to my plate, pushing the food around and doing my best to seem charming when all I could think of was throwing myself across the table at Edward.

Slowly the conversation around the table broke back out into a gentle babble.

"Pity about the parents," Michael said to Eric, "Suppose all the men are in Narnia now."

"Hmm… Suppose so," Eric nodded, "Hope they find those two, I certainly don't want a war."

"No, me either," Michael shook his head, "Though, I tell you, I almost had a heart attack when I heard about it. Our housekeeper bought a new slave the other week from Gliftin and she's Narnia. Obviously must be some kind of outlaw but she keeps muttering about how she's going to have my father beheaded when she gets rescued and goes back to Narnia. Before I heard that those two shouldn't have been without male escorts at any point I half wondered if maybe she wasn't just completely insane and we had managed to buy a Narnian lady as our new slave. Imagine it!"

"Gliftin wouldn't have the brain power to kidnap anyone from a ship. Only way he manages anything is by looking the way he does," Eric grinned.

"Aye," Michael nodded, "Though if the Narnian guard is coming over to search for these two, Gliftin and his cronies will need to keep their heads down. It's technically illegal. Totally against Narnian law, and we are meant to abide by it."

"Aye," Eric agreed, nodding, lost in thought.

I would damn well make sure the men tracked down Gliftin. And Jessica, poor Jessica. Michael hadn't mentioned his slave's name but he could only mean Jessica.

The girl never did have the sense to keep her mouth shut.

After the food was finished and we had toasted Alice and Jasper's marriage, health, happiness and future children, the party moved back into the ballroom and again I started to dance and flirt.

"May I have the next dance, or have you already given it away?" Jasper whispered in my ear.

"It's your party Jasper, any dance you wish is yours," I laughed up at him.

"Very well, I shall go make my request of the band."

The song finished and I released myself from the auburn haired man's arms, looking around for Jasper.

I didn't have to look long, as soon as the music began everyone cleared off the dance floor, leaving only Jasper and I upon it.

'Aslan's Waltz' was a Narnian piece of music that was not at all well known. In fact, I had never heard it outside of the Narnian Court. No one here would know the steps.

Jasper walked slowly round me, before pulling my hand into his above our heads and revolving with me.

"So Bella…"

"Jasper?"

"Who are you?"

"I'm Bella."

"Who are you officially?"

"I'm not telling you."

"Last name?"

"Not telling."

"Come Bella. You can receive guests; you can certainly dance and flirt. You are unfazed by men standing at the table as you do and you know how to allow them to relax and sit again without using words. You can act well enough to cover your emotions. You hold your head high, and your posture is exquisite. The gown you arrived in and the way you look tonight is not the way slaves present themselves. On top of all that you know the steps to Aslan's Waltz. No one outside the Narnian court knows that unless they have made detailed study of Narnian music, which few do. My brothers and sisters may be too wrapped up in their own lives to notice it, but you are not plain Bella, so please do not insult me with the pretence that you are."

"I am Bella, Jasper," I sighed, "I am. Underneath everything else that I may be I am 'plain Bella'. And I shall need to be 'plain Bella' for a while longer whilst I am here." I looked up at him as we turned together and he looked down at me and our eyes met and he understood.

"Alright, _Bella_," he said, nodding, "But I warn you that your time is running out."

"I know, Jasper, I know."

We danced in silence then, comfortably running through the steps. 'Aslan's Waltz' was a beautiful piece of music but it was long. It was a pity, for the dance floor looked exceptionally bare with only the two of us upon it. Had we been romantically attached it may have been nice, but we weren't, and to the eyes of everyone else this dance meant nothing special.

It was then that I realized that we were not the only two on the dance floor.

"I shall have to give you up now," Jasper smiled, "If he demands that his slave dance with him."

I tried to be spirited, but the sight of his striding, so purposely and haughtily across the floor towards us, the way he looked determined to get his way, was leaving me without any breath, "I am Alice's slave now, I thought?"

"Oh no, Bella, he never gave you to Alice. He merely asked her to take care of you since he didn't think he was fit to after he spoke to you in such a manner the other night." And with that Jasper released my hand, which Edward took in his, pulling me to him.

I couldn't comprehend what Jasper was telling me.

Edward and I glared at one another as he spun me round, gripping my hand in his, taking me against my will through the steps of the dance that no one else knew. Except it wasn't against my will. My heart beat wildly and I was sure everyone could hear the rush of my pulse and the way my blood was pounding in my veins, trying frantically to escape. My head was spinning from the touch of Edward's hand and I was dizzy.

I tried to think. I thought of the way he beat me, and shouted at me, and had me sleep naked on the floor, and the way he looked at me in disgust, and how much that hurt. And I thought of the way he made me feel, and the way he rubbed lotion on my welts, and the way he stroked my hair that night when he thought I was asleep. And I thought of the way he held his arms out to me and I thought of what Jasper had just told me. But it was too much. And I couldn't understand it.

And it took so much effort to think and try to understand it that I forgot the steps to the dance. But it didn't matter because one minute we were dancing correctly, waltzing and glaring at each other and the next minute I was in his arms, mine round his neck, my head buried in his chest, each of us clinging on, holding tight.

And we weren't stepping the way the music told us to, we were turning in our own time, ignoring what we were supposed to do.

I wasn't sure if anyone else had come back to the dance floor yet or not. I wasn't sure if anyone else was still in the room or not.

There, in Edward's arms, where my heart raced and my head spun I couldn't be sure of anything. But I was beginning to be sure of something.

And even though I was sure of it, it didn't feel like I had reached any conclusions, made any progress or solved any problems.

Because it was causing the problem.

As I clung to Edward in a manner that was completely inappropriate I became even surer of it, and I realized in my surety that it wasn't something I could make go away.

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_**Reviews, please =)**_


	12. The Problems It Caused

**I do intend to post this from Edward's POV after I finish with this which will let you all more into the mind of Jasper so if you have questions, fire them at me, but this story can only convey what Bella knows and sees, though her and Jasper will have a talk I promise =P, but you'll have to hang on a bit to learn more of Jasper and his fascinating thought process...**

**Bella doesn't say who she is because she feels something for Edward and wants him to feel for her to but based on her as he finds her not based on her being Isabella Swan.**

**Jessica did say who she was and the Newtons thought she was insane - lets face it, any slave with half a brain that looked Narnian would be claiming to be the missing person if they thought it would free them from slavery. Also, Bella and Jessica snuck off the boat because they shouldn't be without male escorts - thats why people think they've been kidnapped because there's no way they should have been out unguarded at any point - Bella's just headstrong and craving something more than court life - so from the Newton's point of view what are the odds that the slave they bought from a 'reputable' slave driver is actually a woman of the Narnian court who snuck off a boat early in the morning before everyone was up so that she could taste freedom? She's a slave - she'd say anything she could to get free so the Newtons have to pick and chose what they're going to believe and as far as they're concerned what are the odds of what happened happening? 100 - 1. Plus nobody knows much about Bella or Jessica so its not as if they can all say oh well Bella Swan may have just snuck off because shes headstrong like that, and Jessica is very insistent on being proper and rule abiding as I said in the first chapter so the idea of her sneaking off a boat early morning before everyone else is up is ridiculous. She wouldn't have done it if Bella hadn't made her. Sorry its a rabble but if anyone still doesn't understand then just review and let me know...**

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**Chapt****er 12. The problems it caused.**

**"Love is easy. Its the stuff that gets in the way that's complicated."**

"I am sorry, Bella," Edward whispered in my ear. We were in his room now, our arms still round each other. As soon as the music had stopped we had left. Or, more accurately, he had left, dragging an all too willing me behind him. It must have seemed rude to everyone, but I didn't care.

"As am I," I whispered back, "Forgive me, Edward."

"Forgive me, my Bella."

He took my face in his hands, running his fingers through my hair gently as I clung to him.

Wordlessly he pulled me down on the bed, but instead of kissing me or touching me as he had done; he wrapped his arms around me. He hummed a melody, sweet and light, in my ear until I fell asleep, his arms around me the entire time, except for the moments he reached up softly to stroke my hair.

~*~

"Good sleep, you two?" Emmett's voice boomed out to us as Edward and I entered the dining room for breakfast the next morning.

"Hmm… the best I've had in ages," I smiled up at Edward, remembering how it felt to lie, held safely and securely, in his arms, his humming me to sleep, stroking my hair, as he directed me to a seat next to him, his strong hands on my hip

I met Emmett's eyes and blushed furiously scarlet, picking up on the inuendo I had missed the first time.

"Never thought I'd see that colour on your face after that performance you gave us last night." Jasper winked across the table at me, "You were the epitome of composure, my dear, even when you called Edward a git."

"Do not remind me of Bella's 'performance' last night or I may feel the need to take her back to my room and tan her hide for it, as I most likely should have done last night," Edward said smiling down at me, kissing the top of my head lightly as he started spooning scrambled egg onto my plate.

"Worked though, didn't it?" I smiled innocently up at him.

He grinned at me, "Oh, so that was you playing me was it? Don't you test me Miss Bella -" he paused and frowned at me, "What is your second name Bella?"

"Did you enjoy yourself last night Jasper? I thought you looked rather lonely last night given the way Alice left you alone so that she could be a good hostess and go mingle," I addressed Jasper, ignoring Edward's question and hoping Jasper would help me out.

Even the gallant Narnian gentleman, he didn't let me down. My own personal hero launched loudly into detail of how Alice had completely abandoned him, earning light slaps from the tiny nymph like female beside him.

"That reminds me," Emmett said producing an envelope from his pocket, after Alice had launched into counting the number of guests who didn't come due to the 'Narnian Crisis' as it had been dubbed (Jasper's eyes flashed to mine and I lowered my head to stare intently at my scrambled egg and bacon), "The eagle, Rondhorn, brought us a letter this morning from Tanya. Probably she meant to deliver it yesterday but forgot."

"Well read it out then," Alice said, rolling her eyes.

" Dear All,

Regretfully, I shall be unable to attend the anniversary ball as mother currently finds herself unwell, brought on no doubt by the stress which father being away to Narnia due to the current crisis has brought her. I take it my good uncle is also away?

Given that Kate and Irina have now both their own households, the responsibility of caring for mother now falls to me, which means I shall be unable to leave Avra for the time being.

Aslan willing she shall improve her state by the next Saturday and I shall look forward to seeing you all at Emmett's birthday ball.

May Aslan bless you,

Wishing you all the best of health,

Your ever loving cousin,

Tanya.

PS. Send my regards to my loving aunt, although I presume she will have accompanied my uncle to Narnia as she often does."

"I can't stand the way she writes, as though she's so old," Alice moaned.

"That's Tanya for you – middle aged before her time," Emmett grinned.

"Hope her mother doesn't get better in time for Saturday," she pouted, and Jasper swatted her lightly.

"That's nasty, Alice."

She smiled at him, mischievously, "Well I'm not being selfish, I'm hoping it for Bella's sake, as well as Tanya's, not for mine."

Jasper opened his mouth but Emmett got their first, "Well the rest of us were only hoping it for Edward's sake – please explain why you hope it for Bella and Tanya's own."

"Well, Bella will be driven mad by Tanya and the way she hovers round Edward all night, and I think she may end up resorting to violence to get her own way. Bella is almost as possessive as Edward is."

I dropped my fork, "Any woman who wishes to talk to Edward may do so without worrying how it will affect me."

Alice rolled her eyes, "When will you give over Bella and admit that you -"

"Alice! Hold your tongue!" Edward glared at her over the table from his position next to me.

I was fond of Edward, more than fond. In fact, I was pretty sure I… Well, I was more than fond of him. And after last night I was becoming sort of sure that he was at least fairly fond of me, but this was new to me. And I couldn't be seen to be 'possessive' of Edward, as Alice put it. It wasn't fair on him, given he didn't even know what begin on my arm actually meant. But I hoped that when I was able to tell him without being scared that it would push him away, that he would still want me, that he would accept what being on my arm meant. Because he really was wonderf- fairly decent.

He seemed to understand me and my wants and needs better than I did, even when he had cut Alice off from saying what she had been about to say – that had been for me. Because he seemed to know that I was not entirely sure of my footing and that I needed to tread carefully. And I appreciated it. I lo-. I appreciated it.

But Alice was right, I wouldn't be able to stand another woman being all over Edward. I just wouldn't. I prayed to Aslan that Tanya wouldn't come to Emmett's birthday on Saturday.

"I think you're being incredibly stupid. Tanya is a wonderful girl, who would make a damn good wife for Edward," Rosalie spat out suddenly. We were all shocked. She barely spoke in my presence, as a general rule. The acid in her tone was aimed at me. I had thought, after Emmett's beating that she had started not to hate me as much as before, but now I was sure I was wrong. But she hadn't hated me then… She had been almost indifferent to me, rather than hating me. But now…

"Rose!" Emmett warned her, his face stern.

"No, Emmett! Don't you 'Rose' me! Everyone here's hoping that Tanya doesn't come in case it treads on the toes of 'Edward and Bella'. All I've heard since she arrived is that she could be the one for Edward, that she was changing him. Well, it's stupid! And last night was stupid! There is no 'Edward and Bella' and there never will be! Tanya is of proper status for Edward and you should be trying to get them together, if he will not have this Narnian, instead of all going gaga for him being united with someone whom everyone seems to have forgotten is a slave! A common slave! She is nothing more than Edward's bed whore!"

With her last statement, she slammed down her cutlery and stood abruptly, turning on her heel and marching out of the room.

There was an eery silence, which Emmett broke a moment later, muttering "If you'll excuse me I need to go beat some manners and obedience into my wife."

Edward's hand tightened round my waist, pulling me to him, "Ignore her," he whispered in my ear.

I smiled up at him, his lips resting against the top of my head we were so close, trying not to let him see that I was bothered by what Rosalie had said. Not because I was insulted. But because when I was rescued, if Edward still wanted me, I had made up my mind that I would ask my father's permission to bring him to court, to integrate him to Narnian society.

To maybe have him on day by my side?

And it would be up to me, for Edward would never be allowed to think of proposing to me. It would be ridiculously above his station, even if he did become a man of court. But even then, if I asked for what I wanted, the reaction of my father would be the same as that of Rosalie's, just with the names switched, wouldn't it?

Edward was a Lord, but only through Alice and Jasper's marriage, as far as I was aware. Rosalie was right, it wouldn't be, it couldn't be, there would never be an 'Edward and Bella'.

And I half wished that the men would never find me, because then I would be able to stay with him forever, even if it was only as his bed slave. But it was pointless to wish that, for Jasper would not allow it. He hadn't fully worked me out yet, but he would, soon enough.

Besides, I was all Charlie had. Charlie needed me. Narnia needed me.

But I needed Edward.

"You will not have the Narnian?" I asked, hardly daring to hope it to be true.

"No," he said, looking 100% sure of his decision, "And nor will I even have Tanya. If I marry, Bella, then it shall be for love's sake and the sake of love alone."

I let my head fall against his shoulder, forgetting completely in our moment that Alice and Jasper were still in the room.

Love, and the problems it caused. I smiled, inhaling Edward's scent.

Oh, love. _And the problems it caused_.

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Guess what? I'm on exam leave and since I probably won't actually study that means I can update pretty damn often so the sooner you hit my little review targets the sooner you get them... ;)


	13. Hope

Wooo we reached the 300 review mark - I'm really amazed because this is basically the first thing I've properly written so it really means **a lot** to me that you guys take the time to review =)

Alsoo... special thanks to **EdwardCullenluver17** - she gave me a cookie :)

Ok... so again, if I don't answer your questions up here - the answers coming in the story.

I got asked again why she doesn't just say who she is so basically again its the same as the last answer - Bella has feelings for Edward, and she wants him to feel for her and to tell her that based purely on the sake of his feelings and the sake of his feelings alone - not because she's Isabella Swan. Sorry but I really can't think how to word that to make it clearer....

As for whose family is more powerful - well that would be giving away who Bella truly is - though I think many of you will have fiugured it out after this chapter if you haven't already.

And lastly - Japser says Bella's running out of time because she's going to be rescued sooner or later and every moment that passes is a moment closer to her father and the men popping up to take her back to Narnia.

Any mroe questions - hit the review button.

Even if there's no question - hit the review button anyway? Pretty please? *Bats eyelashes*.

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Chapter 13. Hope.

"_I don't want the world to see me,_

_Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

_When everything's made to be broken_

_I just want you to know who I am._

_Iris, Ronan Keating._

Edward and I spent all our time with each other over the next few days.

On Monday we read 'Myths and Legends of Narnia', another book by Tumnus the Faun, with Edward sitting on the sofa and me at his feet on the floor, him reading aloud. He asked me a lot about Narnia, it seemed to fascinate him. And talking of it constantly reminded me that I would have to go back. I didn't want to. I wanted to stay with Edward forever. I'd stay in the Lone Islands forever, as a slave if it meant staying with Edward.

But I would have to go back. Charlie couldn't be without me. He had already lost my mother- he couldn't lose me. It would kill him. I'd have to go back. But would Edward be the same if he knew? He seemed to care for me. I could tell from the way his hand went round my waist, the way he kissed me lightly on the forehead, the way he held me close in bed, yet hadn't pushed himself on me since our reconciliation. Actually...I wouldn't have minded if he had, but I wasn't going to screw this up this time. I would wait for him. But I could tell I meant something to him. It was in everything that he did. I could tell – just because I could. It was inexplicable. I could have sworn that sometimes I could almost see the electricity that shot from one to the other between us.

But he hadn't kissed me. He was polite, attentive, caring. I really should not have asked for more. But I did.

I wanted him to tell me what I wanted to hear, but not because he knew I wanted him to hear it. And at the same time I didn't. Because if he said that then I'd never be able to leave. But I couldn't stay. It was impossible. I needed to hear him say it, for its sake and the sake of it alone. Not because he knew I wanted him to. Or because he found out who I was. But he wasn't like that... He wouldn't say it because of who I was. But what right did I have to want him to say it to me? I couldn't say it to him. I couldn't even say it to myself.

"Have you ever seen Aslan, Bella?"

The question startled me and brought me sharply back to the room from the fantasy world I'd been in, where Edward and I got our happily ever after. I looked up at him from where I sat on the floor, curled up against his legs with my head resting on his lap.

Yes, I'd seen Aslan. Once. Four years ago.

She had been beautiful. They took her to the river in a small boat, her fiery red hair around her head like a halo. Her white dress, fluttering in the wind looked like an angel's robe. Her hands were folded peacefully over her chest, holding her locket with my father and mine portraits inside, our family crest on the front. She was headed straight for Aslan's country.

Her eyes were closed, her lips redder than the blood that no longer flowed in her against her white skin. She was even paler in death than in life, if that were possible. My father pushed the boat off sending it down the river. I stood beside him. I did not cry. I was Isabella Swan, I needed to show face. I needed to keep it together, for the crowds that were gathered. And He was at the bottom of the river waiting for her. He looked at me and his eyes were full of pity.

"Hope, Isabella, hope, Bella," He had whispered, so softly I was sure I was the only one who had heard it. My mouth had dropped open in surprise at being addressed by Him and I closed my eyes and when I opened them both He and my mother were gone.

And I didn't cry. But I hadn't really listened either, I hadn't hoped. I hadn't hoped for anything in four years. I had done by duty to my father, I had shown up when I was required, but I hadn't felt hope, there had been nothing to hope for. Until now. Now I hoped. Now I hoped for Edward. For lo- For Edward.

"Once," I answered him, "In the distance."

"Did he see you? Did you speak to him? What was it like?!" he asked me, excitedly. More excited than I'd ever seen him.

"Terrifying, really." It had been. I hadn't known what to do. I hadn't been scared of Him, exactly. More scared that I hadn't done things right, that I hadn't been reverent enough. The reverence Edward held for Aslan was apparent even in his voice when he spoke of Him.

"I expect it would be, they always said he's not"

"A tame lion," we finished the sentence together and he smiled down at me, his hands running through my hair.

"Exactly," he grinned at me, "I'm jealous Bella. It is one of my ambitions to see Aslan, to talk to Him. I have many ideas for Narnia, many things I want to tell Him about. Many things I would like to ask Him. Tell me, my Bella, when did He appear to you?"

"After my mother's funeral."

"Oh," he stopped smiling, "I am sorry." His hand went from my hair to reach down and take my own hand and for the first time I actually felt comforted by someone telling me they were sorry for my loss.

"It was four years ago, I'm fine now." Only now, only since you.

"I've never heard of him appearing at anything other than major events-your mother must have been a great woman."

"Hmm," I nodded, laying my head comfortably back down in his lap, "I think you'd have liked her."

Edward and Renee would have liked each other. She was always laughing and smiling and she would have seen Edward's seriousness as something she needed to break through, like a game. It was the game she had played with my father before she married him. He would have amused her and he would have liked her, the way she fussed about. She was the perfect combination of gentle and valiant, and my father was the perfect combination of magnificent and just. And then there was me, the one who should have been the perfect combination of all four. And I wasn't. But I was changing. Edward was changing me.

Tuesday was spent walking in the gardens.

"I had this one brought in from Narnia," Edward told me pointing out the deep midnight blue roses that I hadn't noticed before.

"I recognize them" I nodded.

"They are the roses of Queen Susan, Queen Susan the Gentle of old. They were named for her because her black hair picked up the blue colour sometimes when it hit the light. She was married in midnight blue, rather than white, for it was a colour always associated with her."

"Yes," I nodded; Edward loved to talk of all the ancient history. And I loved to hear him talk of it. He talked not only of the wars that my history tutor had, but of all the interesting things and the way the smallest customs had changed Narnia today, how they had been passed on.

"They have a beautiful garden in Narnia, at the palace of Cair Paravel where they grow the roses of all four of the Ancients."

"They grow them all in one garden now to represent the fact that the marriage of the King and Queen was the joining of all four of the Ancients directly, the King being the only son of the great grandson of King Peter and the granddaughter of King Edmund."

"Yes, and the Queen, may she rest in peace," he said, bowing his head, "Being the only daughter of the granddaughter of Queen Lucy and the great grandson of Queen Susan. They say their child will save Narnia as the four Ancients did. That their daughter will bring the golden years back."

"Yes, they do say that. Though it seems to me that that's an awful lot of pressure to put on one person."

"Yes. Though apparently she's frightful."

"Maybe people need to start making judgments based on what they know rather than what they hear. This is the reason there is no respect for Narnian Court here, because nobody knows anything of Narnia anymore. There are only judgments and presumptions."

"Alright Bella, calm down," he said, looking at me queerly, "Though you can hardly blame the Lone Islanders for that. The King has never gotten over the loss of his wife and rarely makes official visits anymore, and when he does he does not see his people. He prefers the safety of his small world that includes only Cair Paravel and its lands."

"Not that the people of Narnia understand the Lone Islanders that much either," Jaspers voice came from behind me, joining in the conversation, "Isabella Swan," he whispered the last part in my ear. I went rigid. He had figured me out. What would he do? He couldn't be expected to keep quiet. Though maybe he would. Maybe. I could only hope he would obey me in that he was forbidden to tell anyone, if I could get him on my own to make the order.

"As a Narnian, Bella, what do you make of the Lone Islands?" Jasper continued.

"Violent. Cruel. This slave trade for example -we don't sell people for slaves in Narnia, It's uncivilized." Edward looked ashamed, Jasper merely smiled.

"I thought they were barbaric at first also, however, I think you should let Edward take you to town tomorrow, to show you the Lone Islands to let you make a more informed decision, rather than basing it purely on what Gliftin showed you."

"If he wishes," I said, my body turning to Edward, but my eyes locked with Jasper's.

"I do Bella. Tomorrow we shall go to town and I shall show you that we are not all barbarians as I am sure your encounter with Gliftin will have you thinking."

"And Edward doesn't want you thinking that he's a barbarian now, does he Bella?" Jasper said, laughing humourlessly at the double meaning of his words and turning back to the house.

"I do not think you're a barbarian, Edward."

His eyes brightened, "You do not hate me?"

"Don't be stupid," I muttered, my eyes fixed on the roses. I could never hate you, Edward. I've tried to hate you. I wanted to hate you. But I don't have the energy to try anymore, because in truth, it's impossible.

"You do not hate me for making you a slave?"

"I do not hate you," I repeated softly. In theory I hate the fact that I'm powerless around you. But I don't. I don't really. I like it that you're stronger than me Edward, that you overpower me. That you do not roll over and give into my demands with no second thought. I placed my hand gently in his and we stood in silence for a moment.

"Come, show me more of the garden," I said quietly looking up at him, drinking in the details of his lips and the exact amount of space between the top of them and the bottom on his nose.

And that was how on Wednesday I found myself in a carriage with Edward, bound for the town.

"That hall there," Edward pointed out, "houses a lot of royal art. Many royal portraits are in there, they were hidden during the only war that took place under the Ancients. The King of Calormen, Aro, was burning everything he could so a woman, Claire McIntosh, of the Lone Islands, hid things in that hall. Back then it was a small shack, so Aro did not consider looking there, and many valuable items were saved. They gave her a place in the Narnian Court as a reward and she married Lord Hugh Stanley. The great tragedy is that she was a servant woman who had worked for the Newtons before she was taken to court, and apparently she was in love with the young Lord Newton, the great grandfather of Michael Newton you met the other night. But he was so embarrassed by how he had treated her as a slave he did not marry her, even though she was of suitable rank for him. Claire Stanley was one of the most instrumental people in making slave trading illegal."

Jessica's great grandmother. I shivered at the story.

"If it was you who was Lord Newton and you loved Claire McIntosh, would you marry her despite how you may have treated her?"

"I don't know, why?"

"Well it seems to me she still wanted to marry him, she loved him despite the way he treated her and therefore he should just have gotten over himself."

He laughed at me, but his eyes and mine connected and he understood what I was really asking him, though he did not understand why.

"Thinking of trying to save some art during the war they're intending to have over the two missing Narnians?" he asked me, softly, as I said loudly at the exact same time, "So do you know a lot of history?"

"Oh yes, loads," he said, choosing to answer my question, which suited me for I had no intentions of answering his, "It is only through learning the past that we can understand the present and do the best for the future." I screwed my nose up, I was sure I had heard that somewhere before but I couldn't remember where. Edward seemed truly passionate about it, his face lit up and his hands flew about when he discussed the old legends that he knew.

"Do you prefer Lone Island history, or Narnian history?" I asked him.

"Well, they're the same really up until maybe about 30 years ago. The Lone Islands are part of Narnia, remember, my Bella, the histories of the two are much intertwined. It is only now that we are becoming separated. If we want to prosper then I believe it imperative that our futures also intertwine. I place much hope in our future Queen, I know she is meant to be an awful person, but she is the first monarch to combine all four of the Ancient houses into one person, surely that must mean something?"

_**My**__ Bella_. How I loved to hear him say it. From the very first time he had said it – when he had thought I was asleep.

"If it were you Edward, how would you set about joining the two?"

"This is something my father has had many arguments with other Lone Island Lords about. In particular Lord Marcus and Lord Caius," he lowered his voice and pointed out the carriage window at a large estate, "they live in that estate there and they believe that the Lone Islands should be separate from Narnia altogether. They'll be searched, I'll bet, once my father and the other men come here from Narnia over the business of these two missing women. They have not been asked to go help, which shows that perhaps my father's work is paying off; he has been trying to convince the King that those two should be arrested. My father believes that they fancy themselves as Kings."

"Has no one over here any respect for the Narnian court?"

"Many do. But there is not much presence of it anymore."

"Is not the point in many of the Lords having these residencies here so that they are able to retain order in the King's name?"

"Well, yes, of course, but every Lord fancies himself above the other. I have been thinking that perhaps there should be a sort of Governor of the Lone Islands, elected by the King himself, and although the rest of the Lords could form a sort of counsel, the Governor would be above them ultimately and be able to make decisions. I have said this to my father one hundred times, at least, but he will not suggest it in case it looks presumptuous, as though he is suggesting that he himself should be the Governor."

At least he knew his place; there was no way a man who had come into his status as a Lord purely through his daughter's marriage to the grandson of a Narnian war hero would be elected as a governor. But it was a decent idea.

"It seems to me," I said, "that the Narnian court _needs _someone here. I mean, nobody gives a toss about the fact that the Narnian Law is being broken left right and centre here on a daily basis!"

"I know," he said softly, dipping his head, "But the Narnian court is not really aware of how the Lone Islands fare, as long as tribute is paid every month."

We rode the rest of the way with my hand in his, Edward telling me of many of the ideas he had on how to improve Narnia, all of which were exceptionally good. I enjoyed hearing them, and it occurred to me that if Edward had known from the beginning who I was, he would not tell me his ideas, would not speak that freely. Once he found out who I was – could I still count on him to speak that freely? If he didn't then I didn't want to know him anymore.

I needed someone like Edward, who had such a great mind, such great ideas. Someone who cared as much as I did for Narnia. And I did care for it. I had forgotten for a while, forgotten how to feel, and forgotten how to care. I had been so wrapped up in myself that in four years I hadn't looked out at the world around me and realized what was so obvious now as I rode in the carriage – that I should care.

But Edward and I could never be.

And despite the fact that I had felt nothing in four years, I could feel my heart breaking.

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**_*I'm fluttering my 3 coats of estee lauder at you for reviews here - can you resist a poor girl?!*_**

**And no - please don't take that as a challenge - just review cause you're a nice bunch of people =)**


	14. Evesdropping

uncontrolableranter- do you think, no matter what status was involved, that 'sexy dominant' Edward would ever be beneath 'angry and sassy but overall just waiting for the right guy to tame her' Bella ;)

Yume-Amy Cullen- i love that idea, but I've technically already finished this so you'll just have to see what happens when its written my way. However, I do really really like your idea.

La tua Cantante101 - don't worry, eddie may be besotted and idilically in love right now, but his darker, meaner, dominating side cannot be squashed for long ;)

**ALSO :*Tash is the demon god of the Calormens that appears in the last Narnia book, the last because Jacob says 'Talk of Tash and she doth appear" in this chapter (Yes, Jacob is finally here!) and I realised that probably a lot of people won't know what that is when my beta thougth it was a typo for trash lol. So yeahh... 'talk of Tash' is the Narnian equivalent of 'talk of the devil'.**

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**Chapter 14.**

_**I can't explain how I feel about you**_

_**All I know is that I can't live without you**_

_**-Jason Manns**_

The sun was high in the sky by the time the carriage came to a stop in the market. Edward jumped down first before offering me his hand to help me get out. It was hot and busy. All kinds of things were available for purchase: slaves, animals, food, material, jewellery, and more.

I had never been to a market and I was glad for Edward's strong hand on my hip, round my waist, guiding me, because I would have easily been swallowed up in the crowd without him.

We walked through some of the stalls, Edward greeting a few people, inclining his head at others. He seemed to be a well respected member of the community, and I felt my heart swell in pride and adoration at the fact that _my_ Edward was so well thought of. Then I laughed at myself for the oddness of this feeling.

We walked along together, talking of various things, eating the cake Edward had bought for us at one of the stalls and everything was perfect. The sun was beating down despite the fact it was nearly winter and I smiled in contentment. I could have happily spent the rest of my life at the rest of the market with him.

"In the name of Aslan!" Edward muttered angrily under his breath, anger clouding over his face.

I frowned up at him, "What?" I asked, turning my line of sight to where he was looking, resting my hand on his arm as I did so.

"Over there! Excuse me a minute, Bella, I need to put a stop to this," he said before striding purposefully off. I took a moment to admire him as he walked, his determined stride and haughty manner was just so... Edward, before tearing my eyes away from him and looking instead at what had caused his anger.

'SINGING HORSES, JOKING BEARS AND, THIS WEEK ONLY, COME SEE THE YOUNG CENTAUR!' the sign read. There were not many of the talking animals in the Lone Islands, they were mainly in Narnia itself, and I had heard of them being captured and forced into sorts of circuses in other places. My blood boiled and I strode off after Edward.

"Bella!" called a voice and I turned to see Michael Newton.

"Not now, Michael," I snapped at him, even though he didn't deserve my anger. The crowed parted easily to let me through, I was scary when I was angry; I had inherited that from my father.

"What is the meaning of this?" Edward was thundering, towering over a slimy looking man.

"No... No... Nothing Lord... Lord Edward. Nothing at all..." the man trembled.

I felt the hatred well up inside me.

"THEN LET THESE ANIMALS GO!" I shouted, every inch of me shaking with the anger I felt.

Edward looked at me in a combination of surprise and admiration as I stood heaving, so angry that the world around me was starting to blur. I couldn't stand the mistreatment of animals, and judging by the look on his face Edward felt the same.

The man looked from Edward's angry face to my furious one.

"Of course! At once!" he said breathlessly, and set to work opening all the cages, releasing the animals.

"If I get wind of anything like this happening again, I'll have you thrown in jail!" Edward growled at the man once he was done, "Now – get out!"

"My Lord. My Lady," the man acknowledged us before turning and fleeing as fast as his feet could carry him.

"I am sorry, Bella," Edward said, breathing deeply and pinching his nose to calm himself down, "I brought you here today so that you may see that we are not all barbaric in the Lone Islands and this is the sight that meets your eyes."

"A man stopping cruelty is hardly what I call barbaric," I said softly as my anger started to subside, reaching out to ouch his arm. I couldn't stop myself. Every time I looked at him I wanted to touch him. Edward's father had been called to Narnia almost an entire week ago, it would be a week ago tomorrow, and that meant that the men would be in the Lone Islands by next Wednesday, a week away. I was guaranteed only a week to drink in everything I could of him, only a week to figure out a plan that would work.

The animals made their way out of their enclosures slowly, each bowing towards us as they left.

Edward bowed back and I smiled at each of them.

"I am going to go remove the sign," Edward said, turning to leave after all the animals seemed to have left.

I turned to follow after him, it appeared that all the animals had left, everything in the place seemed dark and still when I heard a familiar voice, "Bella?"

I recognized that voice but it couldn't be...

"Jacob?" I peered into the blackness at the back of the room and as he walked forward and my eyes began to adjust I could see that it was my Jacob, my very best friend. I ran forward and threw my arms around my centaur friend, who hugged me back just as tight. I grinned at him; I hadn't seen him in what felt like ages.

"What are you doing here and who is that?" Jacob demanded, nodding his head at the door through which Edward had just exited.

"Long story Jake..."

"Well I heard you're missing."

"Officially..."

He raised an eyebrow at me, his dark hair that fell to his shoulders and his broad chest making him seem much older than me, even though in truth I was older by a year. I had always loved Jacob, he was my nanny's son and we had grown up together. He was one of the only true friends I had, probably because we had known each other as Bella and Jacob before either of us could understand anything about what my status actually meant.

He hadn't come on the voyage with me to the Lone Islands, and I had missed him greatly. Jessica was wonderful but... Well, her feminine ways tended to irritate me slightly after as while. Even as a child I had preferred to climb trees or ride with Jake running along beside me than sew or whatever else it was Jessica thought was appropriate. And I needed Jessica, because I had to be seen to be feminine, but Jacob was my outlet for excess energy. Jacob never judged me on what I had to say, and had once told me that he thought I was actually a boy. Unfortunately for him his mother had heard him and had boxed his ears for him. I smiled at the memory. Jacob had shook his head and then looked indignantly up at her. When Edward had boxed my ears on my first night in his house I had swayed under the force of it.

"Well the thing is I went for a walk with Jessica and we kind of managed to get kidnapped and then sold as slaves and now I'm a slave in his house."

Jacob took a moment to understand what I was saying, and then reared up onto his hind legs, "I'll trample him."

"NO!"

He stopped short, his front two legs coming back on the round with a loud thud, making the room tremble.

"What's up with you?" he asked, wrinkling his nose and looking 16 again for a rare moment.

"Don't trample him, Jake, please..." I said, holding back a giggle at his face.

"But he's keeping you as a slave..."

"Yes but he doesn't really understand... things.... Just don't hurt him. Let me sort this out, please Jake?" I pleaded, using my wide eyes that I knew made men melt.

He raised his eyebrows, "There's something different about you Bella."

"I know." And I did know. I knew I had changed, and I thought it was for the better. And it was because of Edward. He brought out a side of me I didn't know I had. "Just don't hurt him Jake, please. He's... Well... I... He's... He's important."

Jacob raised his eyebrows at me, "_Important_," he mimicked my voice, "He's keeping you as a slave and you're calling him important. I hate to point out the obvious but his head will end up on a spike."

"No, Jake, it's not his fault, he doesn't know."

"Tell him then... Or I'll tell him."

"No!" I almost shouted, my hands reaching out and grabbing him, pulling his head down to my level.

"Why not?"

"Just because... I... I don't want him to know. Jacob, you're the only person I've ever truly had who's just been my friend. Just because. Just because you liked me. Not because you had to be," I said, locking my eyes with him, begging him, begging him for the sake of everything we had ever shared together to understand me.

"Well, in all fairness I did have to be, my mother was your nanny," he grinned at me, lightening the intensity that I had been causing between us, "But I guess you're not that bad, Swan."

"Thanks," I muttered sarcastically, releasing him from my vice grip, "But you know what I mean. And I think he could be my friend. For me. Not for the fact that I'm Isabella Swan, but just for me, for everything I am that makes me, me, not for my name."

"Looks like you want more than friendship from him, from the way you look at him. You've changed Bella; your face lights up when you talk about him. I haven't seen you look that alive in years... Since... well... But it suits you, Bells. Maybe you should go meeting Lone Island savages more often. But then again – maybe it's only him that could bring it out in you. Maybe you '_like like'_ him," he said making air quotes with his hands. Maybe he had understood too much. Understood more than I bloody did.

I blushed, scarlet, "Hardly, Jake! Shut up now please!"

'Like like' him. As if!

He laughed at me, "Right, come on, let's go meet your whats-his-name."

"Edward." My Edward. That sounded... right. I smiled at the thought of it. I probably looked like an idiot, smiling for no apparent reason. I laughed at that and Jacob looked at me as though I was crazy, confirming my theory.

"Yes?" Edward entered back into the tent, throwing the sign down into a far corner.

I took Jacob's arm, "This is my friend Jacob, Jacob this is my... Edward."

Jacob caught my eye and laughed at me, before holding out his fist to Edward, who looked at it. I was reminded of the first day I had come to Edward's home, Alice had held out her hand for me to shake it and I hadn't had a clue what to do with it.

But Edward had knowledge of Narnian traditions, and he bumped his fist against Jacobs, smiling as he did so. He looked rather pleased with himself that he had gotten to actually carry out one of our traditions that he loved to read about, his smile resembled that of a child who had spent months asking for something and woken up on Christmas morning to find that they had it.

"You never said you had friends who were centaurs," Edward smiled at me, his arm going round me as the three of us walked towards the entrance.

"In Narnia there are more centaurs than there are humans," I laughed up at him. Aslan as my witness, I had never laughed so much in my life as I had today. It felt as though this was how everything should be, Edward on one side, Jacob on the other. My best friend and my… I didn't really know what to call Edward.

It was true though, about the centaurs. Humans were very much the minority in mainland Narnia. The Lone Islands where were most of the humans stayed, Narnia itself was made up mainly of the original Narnians – the fauns, centaurs, dryads, druids, the animals, the birds, the trees. Besides my family and the people of court – many of whom were not actually _people_ – Narnia had for the most part remained as Aslan had first invented it – a land of animals.

"I would love to see it one day," Edward commented wistfully.

"It is a beautiful country," Jacob entered into our conversation.

Edward and Jacob seemed slightly tense around each other, but at the same time there seemed to be a mutual respect and I liked that. Jacob had been my best friend for years, and now Edward was... well, he was Edward, and he was important, and I wanted them to get on. I had to make sure I could smuggle Edward into the Narnian Court, and getting Jacob on side with that could be useful. Jacob was good with my father, good at making my father agree to things he hadn't originally wanted to.

"Bella!"

I turned to see Michael Newton coming towards me again and Edward's grip on my waist tightened.

"Hi Michael, sorry about earlier," I smiled tightly at him.

"How are you?"

"I'm well thank you, yourself?"

"Yes I'm well. Are you in town for anything in particular?"

"Not really. You?"

"Few things. I brought my new slave with me, but I keep losing her. She doesn't seem to know how to get through markets."

Generally she wouldn't – Jessica and I had never been shopping on a busy market day – others bought our things for us. It wasn't appropriate for women of court to go out doing commonplace things. But I liked the hustle and bustle, liked it as long as Edward was there to protect me anyway, and the fact that I liked it was a sure sign that Jessica wouldn't. I bit my lip in amusement at the idea of her face.

"Maybe she's trying to escape – the slave trade is against the law you know," Jacob stated in his low, wise voice. Maybe it was his voice that made him sound older. I had always had a controlled voice but since, well, since Edward, I seemed to be losing control of everything.

Michael surveyed Jacob, entirely unsure of what to make of him.

"This is my friend Jacob," I offered, which probably didn't help the situation. Instead it seemed, if anything, to make it more awkward.

"Delighted," Michael said blankly, after a few moments of tense silence.

Jake smiled at him, obviously finding Michael's formality and tense demeanor amusing.

"We'll keep an eye out for your slave, if you'll excuse us we have things to do," Edward butted in just as Jacob opened his mouth. I was glad, Jake wasn't exactly known for making fabulous first impressions. In fact, he seemed to have a knack of making absolutely awful first impressions the majority of the time.

"Of course, good day, my Lady," Michael said reaching for my hand and kissing it before nodding to Edward and Jacob and turning on his heel, muttering something along the lines of 'how he spoke to her at that dinner table and now she's in town with him'.

"And how exactly do we know what his slave looks like?" Jacob demanded, rolling his eyes, "Since we're apparently 'keeping an eye out for her'." He made air quotes again. It wasn't until today that I had realised how irritating a habit that was. I glared at him. Edward was only being polite.

Edward wasn't irritated as I was, he smiled at Jacob and said ,"Well we don't really need to keep an eye out for her, I only said that to be polite."

I glared at Jacob for a minute before realising that possibly I should inform him of the details. "It's Jessica." I said quietly, so that Edward couldn't hear me.

For a minute Jacob looked alarmed and then he laughed, obviously finding the picture that came to his head of Jessica as a slave almost as funny as I did.

"I'm surprised she's still in one piece, how long is it you've been 'kidnapped'?"

"19 days, almost three weeks. Three weeks on Friday."

"You look at that Edward as though you've known him longer than three weeks."

"Keep your voice down," I hushed him, nodding at Edward who walked steadily on my other side, "And... inappropriate comment Jake."

"Since when have you or I paid any attention to what is or isn't appropriate?"

"Shut up."

"I mean it, Bella, you've changed. You're more like a girl for one thing, and I don't mean that feminine nonsense of women must do this and women must do that that Jessica pours down our throats, I mean you seem more delicate and..."

Vulnerable? But I couldn't afford to be vulnerable.

"Bella! Jacob!"

"Talk of Tash and she doth appear," Jacob muttered under his breath.

"Nasty, Jake," I smiled at him, talking out of the corner of my mouth as Jessica flung her arms round my neck.

"Bella! Oh, Bella! I've been so worried about you – what will we do!" She sounded hysterical, and looked as though she were about to burst into tears.

Edward looked bemused. "You're awful popular today, my Bella, if you'll excuse me I need to pick up some material for Alice," he said before heading off to a stall a few meters away.

"Who is that that's calling you 'my Bella'?" Jessica demanded, suddenly looking a lot less like she was on the verge of tears and more affronted.

Jacob shook his head at Jessica's ability to change mood, it had always irritated him, and answered her before I could "That's Edward, the person she's currently playing slave for,"

"He doesn't treat you like his slave! He's polite!" she fumed, "I tell you I've been taken into a house full of awful men, there's like, three, at most, other women there, it's awful. And this one I seem to have been saddled with – Michael - he keeps treating me like a slave and I keep telling him that I'm a lady of the court and that he'll be beheaded if he doesn't stop and release me at once, but he doesn't listen!"

"Well... can you blame him? I mean, Jess, if you were a slave – wouldn't you say that anyway if you thought it would get you back your freedom?"

She blinked at me, "But I'm not a slave."

I sighed, "Yes, but how does he know that?"

"Do I look like a slave?" Jessica snapped at me, drawing herself to her full height.

"Calm down Jess. The men will be over from Narnia soon to take us home, and Jacob will be able to tell them that you're in the Newton household." I tried not to think about what I was telling her.

"How do you know he's a Newton?"

"Edward introduced him to me the other night at his sister's party."

"YOU GET TO O TO PARTIES WHILST I'VE BEEN MADE TO CLEAN! CLEAN, BELLA. CLEAN. ME, CLEAN!" she screeched and I shoved my fingers in my ears to try and drown her out.

"Calm down Jess," I repeated again, "Remember – the men will rescue you soon."

"I suppose that's something. But Bella he's truly the most beautiful man I've ever laid eyes on! He can dance well! And he'd just be perfect if he didn't think I was a slave..."

I blinked at her, what was she talking about? "Edward?"

She wrinkled her nose at me, "What are you talking about Bella?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Michael."

"Oh right sorry, yeah, that's what I meant."

"No you didn't," Jacob said rolling his eyes at me, "Jessica – don't you notice something different about Bella. Doesn't she seem softer?"

"You do actually," she agreed, peering at me as though she was inspecting me for signs to show that I was about to grow an extra head or something.

"I think our Bella 'like likes' someone," Jacob announced in a sing song voice.

"Don't say _like likes_, say loves," Jessica snapped, "We're too old for like, likes."

"I do not love him."

"You do. It's rather obvious..." Jacob said, still grinning like a child who had found an extra cookie in his lunchbox. I reached out and slapped him, not enough to hurt him, I probably never could hurt him physically, even if I wanted to, but enough that it would sting. How dare he suggest things like that!

"I have to go find Michael, he needs to be home soon for dance practice, he's going to a party on Saturday and he wants to dance with some woman who he danced with at some other party last Saturday, but then someone else pulled her off the dance floor or something. I'm not sure really, but I'm the one he practices with. Oh Bella it's just.... my heart beats faster all through it."

And then Jessica turned and started off through the crowd.

"How many men will Jessica actually go through, do you think?" Jacob mused, "Just the other week there she was in love with me."

"Let's not remind her that there was talk of me marrying her Michael Newton at one point, you know, with her being in love with him," I laughed.

"Well of course, but then Jessica is also in love with half the men at court. She just likes to feel as though she's being mature."

"Jessica throws the word love around too much," I said, surprised at my own disapproving. I had always thought it was amusing before, the way she jumped from man to man.

"Unlike you."

"I have never been in love to use the word."

"Yes, you have."

"No, I haven't."

"You have and you are. Right now. It's written all over your face."

"Jacob, I am not in love!" I snapped.

"Yes, you are Bella. And he's in love with you, too," Jacob said, his eyes watching Edward who was at the stall behind me.

"Jacob – I am not!" I snapped, almost convincing myself of what I was saying.

"Bella – you are. You are in love with that Edward!" he shouted at me, attracting looks from curious passer bys.

"Jacob!" I screamed, ringing filling my ears, "I am NOT, under any circumstances, in love with Edward!"

And all at once everything went deathly quiet, and I felt him, and I knew he had heard. I opened my mouth to try and explain, but I was rooted to the spot, staring at Jacob with a look of horror on my face, realizing what I had done.

"Come, Bella," he said, quietly, his voice emotionless; "We have to return back to my home."

* * *

Okay, so I also got asked how did Jasper figure it out.

:

Jasper is the grandson of a Narnian war hero, he was rather a regualar at court before he left for the Lone Islands just over 3 years previous to this story, just saying... ;)

All shall be revealed in chapter 15 regarding Jasper, so if you want more, **review**!

Motivation to review:

50 reviews = Update.

Update = Bella & Jasper having a 'chat'.

Chapter 15 is called 'Beauty In The Breakdown'. Doesn't the name alone make you want to read it? :)

Tanya makes her presence felt in Beauty In The Breakdown. And we all love the angst and complications of love, right?

Seaking of love, how much longer do you think Bella can run from her emotions?


	15. Beauty In The Breakdown

So there seems to have been mixed reviews about Jacob - here is my justification of why i wrote him the way I did -

In the actual Twilight series Edward is Bella's emotional, soulful, true love beyond every comprehension of the phrase 'true love'. Edward makes Bella beyond what she was ever meant to be - ie he changed her into a vampire, but also metaphorically changed her as a person, takes her to levels of feeling that she didn't ever think she could reach. Jacob is what Bella would have ended up with if she hadn't met Bella, but he is a step down from Edward. Jacob may be her soul mate but what Edward is to Bella is beyond her soul mate - as Jacob says

"I see that you can't live without him now. It's too late.  
But I would have been healthier for you. Not a drug; I would have been the air, the sun."

To which Bella then says she used to think of Jacob like her own personal sun, he balance dout the clouds for her and then he answers with his famous

"The clouds I can handle. But I can't fight with an eclipse."

So basically even though they are not attracted to each other in my story (after all he is a centaur- that would be a really weird relationship!) my thought process was that Bella feels such a mature pull to Edward that if Jacob is her step down then maybe he is the person she can be less mature with. Like in Twilight, in this story Bella **needs** Edward, she can't even understand it herself. In this one Bella's mother has died and she shut down after that - Edward saves her in his own way, doing what no one else could do. The Bella/Edward relationship is just so intense and utterly breathtaking that there isn't much room in it at this development stage for them to goof around, and given that the poor girl has lost her mother - she needs 'good around' time. Which she gets with Jacob because in New Moon Bella started to shut down after Edward left and it was Jacob that managed to pull her out of that a bit - make her act less like someone who at 17 had experienced the agony of love and more like a normal 17 year old, if you'll excuse the expression. Therefore in this story Jacob is also like Bella's escape, her excape from the maturity that is equired of her at home, and the maturity that she has due to losign her mother.

Hmmm... such a rabble. I tend to do that. If you still have questions regarding jacob - ask them because clearly I go round in circles attempting to explain things.

Also I AM NOT TELLING YOU WHO BELLA IS. You shall all have to wait and find out for definite when it is revealed. However there are loads of hints, so some of you will work it out. And when it is revealed you can all be like 'yess i worked it out right' and feel vinidcated haha ;)

Anyway... I love this chapter. Which probably means its a nightmare to read. But I love it (L).

* * *

**Chapter 15. Beauty in the Breakdown.**

"**Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armour, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness."**

**Neil Gaiman**

I felt my stomach turn to ice. Had he heard me? Of course he had heard me; I knew he had heard me.

I turned to face him, to explain, but he was already striding away towards the waiting carriage.

"What did you have to make me go and do that for?" I snapped at Jacob.

"Me? You're the one who decided to shout that you didn't love him, and may I point out that this reaction from miss 'I am the epitome of control and etiquette' confirms again that you do. Love him, I mean."

"Jacob – I don't love him, I can't love him, you know I can't."

He looked at me with eyes full of pity.

"I must return to Narnia now," he said quietly, "But I shall tell them where you are so that they can come rescue you and Jessica."

"Don't Jacob, please."

"Don't what?"

"Don't tell them- I want to work out something to explain it that will stop Edward's head ending on a spike."

"I'll see what I can do Bella."

"Besides – there's probably one hundred and one Lord Edward's in Doorn – I don't even know his second name."

Jacob looked at me as though I was insane.

"What?"

"Bella I hate to point out the obvious here but-"

"Bella!" Edward's voice came sharply through the crowds.

"I must go," I muttered, "how will you get back to Narnia?"

"I'm a centaur – I'll run, then swim, then run some more."

"Okay, well, see you soon Jacob."

"See you soon. Hang in there, Bells," he whispered, folding me into a tight hug, "You'll work it out. I can tell. You'll work it out." He kissed the top of my head and then turned and ran, leaving a cloud of dust in his wake.

"Take care Jake," I whispered after him.

I walked slowly to the carriage and got in without Edward saying anything, but as it started to move I looked back and saw 12 red roses lying on the ground.

I was lower than the lowest form of matter.

The silence in the carriage could have been cut with a knife. Edward looked out the window, avoiding me.

We were almost back at his house before I plucked up the courage to say anything.

It was laughable; I was Isabella Swan, scared of nothing, the woman no man could ever truly conquer. I flirted and danced and all the rest of it, I acted like a weak female, sure, but that was all it was – an act. I was strong and independent. I could fend for myself. Like my father I was iron willed, headstrong and determined. I needed to be. Narnia needed me to be. But Edward rendered me powerless and speechless.

"Edward... I..."

"I know, Bella."

The tone of his voice shocked me. He did not sound angry, his voice was perfectly calm. But he continued to stare out the window and hide his eyes from me, so I could not tell if this was his carefully practised calm or if he just truly didn't care enough about what I had said to make him angry.

But the roses...

He said he knew. Did he know? Had he worked me out, who I was?

"You are my slave, Bella. Rosalie was right, our behaviour has not been appropriate. And my feelings towards you have been even less so. I wish to thank you for maintaining a sense of propriety even when I did not, even when my family were indulging my behaviour."

No Edward! I wanted to shout. That's not it at all! But I didn't say anything. Because that was it. Because we had been inappropriate, though not for the reasons he thought. It was ironic; he was thanking me for maintaining a sense of propriety when in truth I had completely lost it. Lost all form of sense altogether. Edward turned my world upside down and it was all I could do to remember my own name when he was standing next to me, never mind my sense of propriety or indeed my sense.

The carriage stopped and he jumped out, striding up towards his home, leaving me to follow him.

I fought the tears and held my head high and my shoulders back, exiting the carriage and gliding after him with as much strength and dignity as I could muster, trying in vain to stop myself shaking.

I followed him to his room, where he was placing the pallet, pillows and blankets back into the corner, where I had slept before I had messed everything up the first time, before he had taken me to sleep beside him in his bed. But we had only slept. He had never truly taken me to his bed. Perhaps that meant that I truly did mean nothing to him, not even enough that he wanted to take me for his, even when he thought he was entitled.

He turned and held my eye contact for a brief moment before dropping his head and walking out the room.

He didn't say anything. He didn't need to. I got the message. He regretted the past few days. Those four beautiful days between Saturday night and now. Those four wonderful nights of me lying in his arms. He regretted it. He didn't want me.

I sank to my knees on the pallet and cradled a cushion to my chest, holding it, clutching it so hard I was surprised it didn't rip.

I regretted the past four days to – regretted that I would never be able to forget them. Regretted that I would always have to live with what I'd done, knowing what I'd managed to muck up. Regretted that Edward had changed me so irrevocably that I could never go back to the life I'd known before him. It had been a pathetic half life, but now, having lost him, it would go on from being a whole to being something that did not even make up for a tenth of a life. But the half life, no matter how pathetic it might have been, had been easier. I had not felt and so had not been hurt. I could not feel so I could not feel like this. I was shattered, I was broken.

I lay frozen against the wall, clutching the pillow. I did not have to fight not to cry now, I couldn't cry. The pain was such that I had shut down because trying to deal with it would have killed me. My heart was broken, I was wrung.

I had known it would end this way, but I had been thundering towards this inevitable ending, powerless to stop it, unable to pull myself away.

And just to have danced with him that one time, to be held close in his arms – it had been worth it. Oh Aslan, it had been worth it. His lips and mine had never touched and now would never touch. That was my regret. It would be my life-long regret. I leant against the wall; it was the only thing supporting me, keeping my upright, for I could not support myself. I didn't cry, I couldn't cry. I was so shattered, so broken, so wrung, that I didn't have the energy to cry.

Edward came to his room well after midnight and blew out the candles. I stayed frozen, leaning against the wall. I didn't know if he had given me a second glance or not, for I did not have the energy to turn my head to look at him. I did not have enough left in me to deal with the sight of him, and what that would do to me.

I wasn't aware of falling asleep at all but at some point on Thursday morning I realised Edward had left. I hadn't heard him leave, but I could sense the emptiness of the room. It was only a small sense, but it had returned to me. But even with my one small sense that had returned to me, the room was still empty, even with me in it. Without Edward I had slipped into the land of the dead. I didn't even constitute a living person anymore. I was merely a collection of matter. A collection of the lowest form of matter possible.

"Bella?" the voice startled me. I hadn't heard anyone come in.

Slowly I turned my head and looked up. My body felt like it hadn't been moved in an eternity.

"Jasper?"

He took a step back when my eyes eventually met his.

"What?"

"Nothing, forgive me, it's just you look so..."

Dead?

"What is it Japer?" I repeated, my voice a dull monotone. I wanted him to say whatever it was he wished to and then leave me alone with my own voice. My own inner voice was enough condemnation and I could not take more than one.

"I just thought I'd come see if you were alright."

He wasn't bothering to ask if I was alright, he could see that I wasn't. I was as far from alright as it would be possible for anyone ever to be. I would never be alright again. And even if I did ever manage, in a hundred thousand years, to get back to being alright, it would never be enough. Being simply alright would never compare with what I felt when I was with Edward. What I felt when there was an 'Edward and Bella'.

"Do you wish to come riding with Alice, Emmett and myself?"

I stared at him. Why was he asking stupid questions? I could not have stood up let alone ridden a horse.

He sighed and sat down beside me, his arms going round me, pulling my face into his chest in a comforting way.

"I can send a message now, if you want, let them know you're here, tell them to leave Narnia and come for you immediately. They would be here by tomorrow evening. I'll do it, if that's what you want."

I tried to shake my head, "I can't go back yet. Not now. Not like this. I need to work out a story that will account for me being here for so long without them being contacted over it, something that will not end up with Edward being condemned."

"Bella you have about a week at most until they reach Doorn anyway."

But I needed to tell Edward... What? What was I meant to tell him? What could I possibly say to make this right? Maybe it just wasn't meant to be right. Maybe we just weren't meant to be. But we had to be. We had to be meant to be. Because no one else could have changed me as he had. No one. For four years since my mother's death I had been empty and no one could make me right again. Not Jacob, not Jessica, not Cleo, not my father. Not even my father's friends, some of whom I was so close to they were almost like second fathers themselves. Not even my father's best friend, who was basically me second father, the person I went top for advice no matter what the problem, the person I trusted – sometimes even more than my own father. Only Edward, only he had the power to save me. To save me from... myself? I didn't know. He had saved me from becoming what I had been becoming before I came here... someone I didn't even know.

"I'll be fine Jasper."

"No you won't Isabella, and neither will Edward. What in the name of Aslan happened? You were both so happy and then yesterday he came back looking like a tortured prisoner of war and hasn't spoken to anyone, and you look like you're dead. It's like the light has just been taken from both of you eyes at once. There's nothing, no life, in either of you. What happened Bella?"

I didn't answer him, I couldn't answer him. I was trying to block what had happened from my mind.

"Bella, what do you want me to do for you?"

"Nothing." There was nothing he could do. Nothing anyone could do. I didn't even know what I could do.

"Come on Isabella. I care about you, I want to help."

"Why?" It sounded pathetic. Asking why he cared for me. Should I not just be grateful for the man holding me? Why was I questioning his motives?

"Is, I know I've been away from court for forever, but cast your mind back a few years."

I blinked. Is. Nobody called me Is. Nobody except... Jasper? My eyes widened.

"Yep. That was me," he nodded.

"I never knew. I mean I knew Jasper Whitlock was a lord and the grandson of Lord Greyson, but I never realised..."

That that Jasper was my friend Jasper. Who had left Narnia to marry a girl from the Lone Islands over 3 years ago. I mentally kicked myself. How could I have been so stupid?!

"I know. You wouldn't have until you studied the wars, which you didn't until after I had left. I know we weren't ever best friends Bella, that I was always on the outside of the group, that I was a bit too reserved for you and your friends, the popularity you had. But I cared for you. Like a sister or something. And then Alice... she was almost as odd as I was and she turned my world upside down. So I left. I don't think anybody from the group even noticed, Is. You were always a bit too young for me to understand Bella, even though you are less than a year younger than Alice, we were both younger when I was at court and so our age distance seemed greater. That was why I never made any particular effort to be friends. But I did care for you, I still do. You were an endearing child and you have turned into a fine woman Isabella. And besides from that I care about you because I am a Narnian and you are Isabella Swan. And I am a Narnian not just by land but by heart and soul. And I will defend you, wherever you will go."

"Why didn't I recognise you upon my arrival, and you I?"

"I left Narnia over 3 years ago, Bella. You were only just turned 14 when I left. You've changed. And then Edward changed you further. You're unrecognisable. And as for me... I was always on the outskirts of things, always quiet and reserved; you never paid me much attention."

"And yet you give me your loyalty though I do not deserve it. You are an outstanding man Jasper."

"You are an outstanding woman Bella, maybe you just needed to come here to realise that fully. But I care about Edward, whom I have come to regard as my own brother. You and he belong together Bella. Fate will go to any lengths to make what's meant to happen happen, you must see that. The changes you have caused in him and him in you. You've brought life to him I never thought he had in him, and he's brought life back to you. Your mother had died not long before I left, Is, and that broke you. He brought you back to life, Bella. I would swear before all of Narnian Court that Aslan himself had planned this, planned your union. Edward cares for Narnia and you are Isabella Swan. Together you could..." he trailed off.

"Jasper," I whispered, "I said I didn't love him. And he heard me."

"But that's not true... You do love him. I can tell you do. Everyone can see you do."

I said nothing.

"Do you love Edward, Isabella?"

"I don't know." I did know. Of course I knew. But I couldn't acknowledge that – I was going to fight that until I died. Because if I acknowledged it, it would kill me.

"Bella, you do love him! It's apparent from a hundred miles away when you look at each other!"

"Stop it! Stop saying that! Everyone keeps saying that – it's not true! It can't be true! I can't love him Jasper!"

"Maybe you love him enough that you want to protect him by not admitting it. Maybe you know you shouldn't love him and you try not to – you try so hard that you lie. You lie to everyone, even yourself. That's what you do Bella, you hide your emotions and your wants and your needs and you show face. You always have done. But try being selfish for once, try thinking about you. If you ever want to be free and happy you need to be honest with yourself. Honest with yourself and honest with him. And stop worrying about how the fact that you love him is going to hurt yourself and him. Everyone is going to get hurt at some point Isabella, you just have to decide – is he worth it? Is he worth the hurt? Is the happiness you feel when you're with him worth everything you're going through now?"

I said nothing. Of course it was worth it. I would die now knowing that I had had a complete life, no matter how short my time in living a full life had been. But Jasper wasn't right, I didn't love Edward. I couldn't love Edward. It was ridiculous! It was insane! I had known him only twenty days.

But love wasn't logical. It was all-consuming. Love controlled everything, nothing controlled it. Not time, not status, not sense, not logic, nothing, nothing and no one controlled love. But it was impossible. I couldn't love him... Could I?

"Try working on it Bella. You fit here, I said it before and I'll say it again, I think you were meant to come here. Alice loves you like you are her own sister, if you wish to stay with her then I am sure she will not object."

"Please," I whispered, nodding my head at the thought of staying with Alice. Edward would not object, he hated me now.

Jasper carried me off to he and Alice's room, and lay me down gently on the bed.

"I shall tell them during our ride that you shall be staying here for a while. They will understand."

"Thank you, Jasper."

"You're welcome."

"Jasper…"

"Hmm?"

"Why didn't you send them a message as soon as you figured me out?"

He regarded me for a moment.

"Bella, I should have done, I can only beg your forgiveness for that. But by the time I had figured it out, figured you out, I had seen things that told me in my heart that you should be here. I have known Edward over 3 years now, and never have I seen him as happy or alive as since you arrived. You've turned him upside down, and that made Alice happy, made everyone here happy. Have you not noticed that even though they think you're a slave they do not treat you as such? You have changed Edward beyond recognition of who he used to be. And you… I did it for you as well. I mean it when I say I care about you – I know what you were like before and I know what you were like after your mother died. It killed you, and you still had that dead look in your eyes when you first came here. Maybe not as much as just after it happened, but you still weren't back, not fully. I think that's part of the reason why I did not recognise you. But since you've come here every time I've seen you - you seemed to become more like I remembered you. More the way you were. I realised when I saw you in the gardens that you were my Is, Isabella Swan. I was gobsmacked, I knew how hard it had been for you and then suddenly you seemed happy again. Because of Edward. I wanted you to be happy. I wanted you and Edward to be as happy as Alice and I were. And now this. I could kill myself Bella, if I did not think it would kill Alice. I should have sent the message, and we would not be in this situation now. And I have no clue what to do. If I tell Edward who you are – then I am telling him something I know you do not want him to know yet, something I think you will tell him yourself when you're ready. And if I don't then things continue this way. And again, if I do, does that not make everything worse?"

Our eyes connected and I nodded slightly.

"Thank you Jasper," I said again.

"Why though? Why do you not want him to know?"

"It doesn't matter if he knows now," I said, deadpan, "I mean nothing to him anymore anyway, regardless of status."

"That was what it was all about? You thought what you meant to him would change based on your status?"

I have only ever known people who have accepted me because I am Isabella Swan. I wanted him to accept me based on me, for me."

"I see. I never thought about how hard that must be for you."

I said nothing. The other thing, which was wrong, was that I liked it that he treated me as though I was under him. For once I was not the one in charge, not the one who made the decisions. It was liberating, in a strange way.

"I will need to go ride. If you wish to have me locked up and beheaded, Bella, I understand."

"Don't be ridiculous Jasper. I owe you my happiness, however short lived it was."

"I only wish I could believe that. Do you wish me to tell Alice and Emmett of you? Of your status? I could tell them not to tell Edward, if it would make things easier?"

"Say nothing to anyone, Jasper, I beg you."

"Then I will do as you wish, my lady."

He kissed my hand and then went quietly from the room.

The rest of Thursday passed slowly. I could not move, I did not move. I didn't eat or drink anything. I spoke only when necessary. Even Alice, the hyperactive little thing that she was, seemed to be unable to get me to talk.

I fell into an uneasy sleep in a makeshift bed on the floor of Alice in Jasper's room but had not slept for more than an hour before I was awoken by Emmett striding into the room on Friday morning.

"Damn! Damn! Damn! Dammit!" he boomed, brandishing a letter at Jasper.

My mind started to race - had he found out? Was there to be a war? Had Edward been called for war, along with his brothers? But they hadn't looked here yet, they hadn't even left Narnia!

Jasper took the letter off him looking puzzled and read it quickly.

"What are we to do? That damn fool's coming!" Emmett continued, his voice getting, if it were possible, louder.

Who was coming, what did it say? I remained on the floor, unseen by Emmett.

"Who's coming? What are you talking about?" Alice demanded.

"Tanya," Jasper said quietly, glancing at me, while I lurked unseen by Emmett on the floor.

My stomach did a flip. Tanya was the one Edward was supposed to marry. The one Rosalie wanted him to end up with. But Emmett seemed... enraged that she was coming.

"So?" Alice questioned. She obviously knew as little as I did.

"Emmett... somewhere else?" Jasper hinted at him, but Emmett ignored his brother.

"Edward!" roared Emmett, "The _bastard_ has decided to marry her!"

"Emmett!" Jasper shouted, but he was too late, I had heard.

Edward was going to marry Tanya?

"I mean, what the hell happened between them?" Emmett continued, oblivious to Jasper's stage actions telling him to stop, "I mean Edward and Bella, they were perfect, he was fun, I mean what the-"

He stopped short as he turned to pace the room and caught sight of me.

"Bella..."

We stared at each other, a perfect mirror. Each with a look of complete horror on our faces. Despite the fact I had eaten nothing I felt bile rise in my throat and my stomach convulsed. Marry Tanya? He had decided to marry Tanya?

I pushed myself to my feet, holding the wall for support, and tried to remember how to walk. I had to leave. I had to get out. But I couldn't leave. I had to be sick. It couldn't be true – it couldn't! He couldn't marry her! He had said he would marry for 'love's sake and the sake of love alone'. He didn't love her! He couldn't love her! He couldn't! I stumbled past Emmett, all the while clutching onto the wall for support.

"Bella... wait..." Emmett started but I cut across him.

"Edward can marry Tanya if he likes," I gasped out, "Doesn't bother me."

I pushed myself through the door, trying to remember how to walk, it was a hundred years since my legs had walked. I needed to be sick. I was going to be sick. I needed somewhere to be sick.

"Bella!" Alice's voice shouted at me, but I couldn't face her. I needed to get away. I needed to run.

All of a sudden my body, which had been shutting down, kicked into overdrive. I was sprinting. I was sprinting so fast I doubted Aslan himself would have been able to catch me.

I heard my name being called again, but I just kept running. I had no clue where I was going, my feet were moving of their own accord.

And he was standing there. Looking glorious, looking terrifying. Outlined against the light coming in through the open door behind him. And I couldn't stop because if I had done I wouldn't have been able to control myself. My stomach lurched and my heart pounded as I flew past him, outside into the grounds.

I didn't know where I was going. My body was on hyper-activity level. I had been unable to feel for the past day and now I was feeling everything. I was feeling a lifetime of feelings in one moment.

I didn't know how to feel, what to feel, what to do. I was enraged at him for hurting me, for making his decision. And I was enraged at myself that I was giving him enough power over me that he could manipulate me enough to make me feel enraged by his actions. And I felt powerless, because giving him that power had not been a choice, I had had no control over it. I felt guilty because this was all my fault, it was always my own stupid fault. And I felt guilty for feeling how I felt. I was Isabella Swan and he was no one. He was some lowly Lord whose status had come only through his sister's marriage. And I felt resentful of the laws of society for dictating that he was beneath me and always would be. And I felt hurt, felt broken, felt shattered, by what had happened. And I felt ashamed because I had been determined to be dignified, to show Jasper that he was not stupid to have faith in me when I knew, I _knew_ many did not, but I had run away. Isabella Swan had run away.

And now I was hallucinating. I had to be hallucinating.

I had managed to subconsciously run to the lake in the grounds. And there, over the middle of the lake, standing on the water, or hovering above it, I couldn't tell, for her dress was long, was my mother.

"Mum?" I whispered, stumbling towards the lake. I wanted my mother. I wanted someone to hold me and tell me that everything was going to be alright. For the first time in an eternity I wanted someone to take care of me. I didn't want to be the one who had to fix it all, I wanted to be able to bury my face in someone's shoulder and cry out the stress of the day. I wanted someone who could take me in their arms and make me believe that it was all OK.

She smiled at me, a soft sad smile.

"Help me," I whispered again, stepping into the water, trying to go towards her. But as soon as I put my foot in the lake she disappeared. I waded out until the water was up to my knees, my dress soaking wet and heavy, reaching out for her, reaching out for a ghost. Had it even been a ghost? Had she truly been here? Had I imagined it? Was I going insane?

I had just asked for help. I had never asked for help. In 17 and a half years I had never used the phrase 'help me'. I was always strong, too strong, too proud, too independent to ask for help. If I admitted I needed help then I was admitting that I couldn't do it myself. That I was too weak to do it myself. That I was weak and vulnerable and that I couldn't cope. I couldn't be weak and vulnerable. That was not what my father needed from me. That was not what Narnia needed from me.

My mind flashed back to reading 'Myths and Legends of Narnia' with Edward. To him sitting on the sofa reading out a passage on love, by Tumnus the faun, while I lay at his feet with my head on his lap.

"Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable."

I was not vulnerable! I was strong, I was unbreakable, impenetrable!

But here I was standing in a lake, my heart broken. My entire self wrung out for everything I was worth.

Had I loved?

But I couldn't have loved. Not truly loved. I couldn't have.

I was admitting weakness enough for the first time in my entire life, in my entire seventeen and a half years, enough to ask for help. Would I admit vulnerability enough to say I had loved?

Did I love him?

"Help me," I said again, to no one.

Then "HELP ME!" I screamed, screamed so hard it hurt my throat, throwing my head back, my arms coming up with the pressure the screaming put on my body. I was addressing everyone, anyone. I was asking the universe itself.

I was exhausted.

I fell to sit in the lake, wrapping my knees into me, not caring that the water was lapping over me, drenching the lower half of my body.

The wave of emotions was drenching the entirety of my body, of my being, of myself. It was consuming me, consuming everything I was.

And the tears that I had been holding back for the past three weeks, the twenty one days since I had come to stay with Edward, the tears I had been holding back for the past four years, began to fall, as I sat in the lake, drenched and beaten, unable to stop them anymore.

**"Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable." C. S. Lewis**

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Dun Dun Dun! Sorry, always wanted to do that.

Oooh I do love Bella and her emotional breakdowns. Just the beauty in the things she says and thinks. Oh, I love it.

Which means its probably a pain to read, but I love to write it anyway.

**So anyway... reviews? 60 reviews = update!**

**Motivation:**

**The next chapter is called 'Vulnerability'.**

**Tanya arrives in Doorn, do we think Edward will go ahead with proposing?!**

**The next chapter is Emmett's birthday ball - the last ball was an epic point in Bella and Edward's relationship, will this one be as epic?**

Anyway - I know some of you love Bella's emotional turmoil and some of you hate it, but either way - let me know!


	16. Vulnerability

Wow. You guys surpassed the 60 reviews target in a day! There are no words for your awesomeness! Since you did it so fast this hasn't been betaed yet but I figured you would rather have it quicker with the odd typo than wait like a week =P

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Chapter 16. Vulnerability.

"**The stars are not wanted now**

**Put out every one.**

**Pack up the moon**

**& dismantle the sun.**

**Pour away the ocean**

**& Sweep up the wood.**

**For nothing now can ever**

**Come to any good."**

**W.**

Alice and I dressed in silence for the ball.

I had nothing to say, not to her, not to anyone.

Tonight was it. Tonight was my final chance before I lost him forever.

If Tanya thought that she was going to get in the way of that she had another think coming. I would ruin her if she got in my way. I would take her down. My pulse raced at the very thought of her, of her trying to marry my Edward. How dare she, Edward was mine. I was his. We were meant to be together, forever and ever and ever, until the world ended and all of Narnia perished in fire and water.

He wasn't going to end up with her. He wasn't. He couldn't. He didn't want her. He didn't.

Jasper had come and carried me from the lake yesterday, and I had cried. I had cried and cried and cried. I had cried as he carried me back in. I had cried as he put me down in a room with a roaring fire and a tub of hot water. I had cried as he kissed me on the forehead and hugged me. I had cried as I sat, still and unmoving in the hot water. I had cried when Alice came to make sure that I had not attempted to drown myself. I had cried as I went to sleep in a bed that Alice and Jasper had had brought into their room for me. I had cried until the sobs had become breathless, until I had no more left to cry. I had cried beyond the point where my throat was sore. I had cried beyond the headache and pounding in my veins that it caused me. I had cried beyond when the hot salt had begun to hurt the skin under my eyes. I had cried as no one could have ever cried before.

And now I was cried out. There was nothing that could make me cry now. Not because I didn't want to, but because I couldn't. There was no physical way I could have cried anymore.

I was seething. I was beyond rationality. I was going to kill Tanya tonight, if she went near him. If she attempted to marry him. I was. I was going to take a dinner knife and ram it straight through her fat black heart if she got in my way.

I wanted her out of here. I wanted her put on a ship and taken to some deserted island and left there. I wanted the bitches head on a platter.

How dare she. How dare she attempt to marry Edward!

I suppose I must have looked manic, possessed, insane, because after she had pulled my hair up into an elegant and intricate up-do (which she had probably agreed to give me only because she was too afraid of me to argue), Alice turned her huge green eyes to me.

"Bella, I know you must be hurting right now, I know you are and I know just how hurting that hurt is, that only that kind of hurt can be, but please, please do not do anything rash tonight."

"What would give you the impression I'd be in the mood to do anything rash?"

"Well – you've spent the majority of your time here denying your emotions, not allowing yourself to feel what you feel and then yesterday morning you ended up sitting drenched in a lake because you gave into your feelings," she whispered, biting her lip.

If she hadn't looked so scared and I hadn't been so focused on hurting Tanya it would have been kind of funny.

"Alice you can rest assured that tonight I will not end up in the lake – it is nearly winter and it will probably rain. Tonight I will do only what is necessary. Tonight I will not in any way overreact to anything, or do anything 'rash' as you put it."

"I don't trust the way you say that Bella. You're too calm now, too calculating. I don't like it."

"It'll be fine Alice, I promise," I said, breaking my focus and cold demeanour for a minute to turn and reassure her with a small smile.

I needed to be cold tonight though. I needed to be to the point. I needed to be accurate like a deadly assassin. Because tonight I was going to win.

By the time Alice and I were ready to my standards and satisfaction the party was in full swing.

"Hey Bella!" Emmett grinned a huge grin at me, so huge it looked stupid and spoke far too brightly.

I looked around to see why. And I saw it. I saw them. Dancing.

Edward had spent the night of Alice and Jasper's ball watching me dance, not dancing with anybody. She had probably forced him into it. He couldn't want to dance with her!

"Hi Emmett," I forced a tight smile.

Do not break your concentration Bella, just focus, I coached myself. I had come here prepared to fight if I had to. To die if I had to die during the fight for my cause. Because when it came to it, I would rather die fighting than lose and live. Or live without trying.

I was giving this my all. I still didn't understand it, why I felt what I did. But did anyone ever truly understand it? I would probably never understand it, but it was more powerful than me and I had to bend to its will. And hopefully that, the fact that headstrong, iron willed, determined, wilful, demanding, spoilt, manipulative Bella Swan was bending to something else, meant that it was powerful enough that everyone else would have to bend to it too.

It was a force that was stronger than me, stronger than Edward, stronger than everyone in the room. Including that stupid little Tanya. And that meant that everyone would have to bow to it, that no one could fight it. Aslan as my witness I would know, I had tried. I had tried to fight it till it broke me. Because you couldn't win that fight, you could never win that fight. No one could.

What it was was un-understandable. Incomprehensible. But it was the thing that drove everyone on, that gave meaning to life.

It was what made me need Edward. Need him more than I could bear. But I needed him. Without him, what was I? Where would I be without Edward?

He was my hero, my saviour. Sure, he was some lowly lord through marriage, but he had been my personal knight in shining armour, he had done more for me in 22 days than many of the Lords of Narnia who had had the title passed down through their families for generations.

I sighed and tried to re-set my mind. I couldn't think of these things, I needed to be cold and completely focused, there was no point going into the wonders of the universe.

They were still dancing!

What was this?! Edward did not dance!

"Bella!" Michael's voice infringed on my world.

"Michael," I managed a tight smile.

"How are you?"

"Fine, thanks."

"Have you-"

"Michael," I cut across him and grabbed him arm, "let's dance."

I near enough dragged him onto the floor, and held him in a vice grip all through the dance. It had worked before and I would do it again. I would dance with every man in the room if I had to.

Edward and I's eyes connected only once during the dance, but as soon as we looked at each other he turned his face to Tanya.

I was boiling over. What was this! Was Edward playing me at my own game? Was him dancing with Tanya his version of me dancing with the men at Alice and Jasper's party?

After the song I marched off the dance floor without a word to Michael.

"Bella – it's really not fair to treat Michael that way," Alice said icily.

I jumped and turned, I hadn't even realised she was there.

"Yeah, well, it was necessary."

"No it wasn't. Do you think it takes another man to make the original realise how he feels?"

"It worked before."

"Bella – Edward's plan at Jasper and I's party was to ask you to walk to the gardens with him and dance with you in the rose gardens! That had been his plan since he realised that he had nothing to lose! Since that night at dinner when you did not speak to him! He realised then if he lost you completely it would kill him, but if he lost you without even trying that would be worse! He had decided to try for you Bella, decided to fight for you, before you were hanging off another's arm!"

I opened my mouth and then shut it again.

"You never told me that."

"I didn't know till after the party, when Jasper commented that although it was nice to see you together, it would have been nicer if Edward's original plan had been carried out, and then I found out about his plan!"

"Well I'm here to fight for him, Alice."

"No, Bella, you're going to attempt to make him realise he wants to fight for you. He won't do it, not a second time. Edward is strong and courageous, but he thinks that by forcing you to dance with him he made you do something you didn't want to, because now you've rejected him twice. You've hurt him twice, Bella! He's not going to keep coming back for more hurt, no matter how he feels about you. Because he doesn't think he means anything to you. If you want him back then you need to make the effort Bella, and I don't mean throwing dirty looks at Tanya, or dancing with other men in some pathetic attempt to make him realise that he wants to be that man you're dancing with. I mean you need to be the one who could get hurt, you have to put yourself in that position – the person who could come out worse, the person who's vulnerable. You have to put yourself in that position willingly. You have to tell him how you feel."

Vulnerable. Damn I hated that word, hated it!

"I can't tell him how I feel!"

"Why not?"

"I just can't!"

"In the name of Aslan Bella!" she almost shrieked at me, "you still can't properly admit it, can you? You can't say it! You can't actually say those words!" She looked disgusted with me.

"I..."

"Bella," she said softly, "you need to be the one to submit to him, you need to open up and stop running away."

I swallowed and nodded.

"Thanks, Alice."

"No problem," she said, so quietly I could barely hear her before she turned and walked away.

I was left standing alone, watching Edward. Watching him with Tanya.

The song ended and they came off the dance floor, smiling. About time, they'd danced for ages and I needed to shove that little idiot out the way and tell Edward... Well, make things clear to him. He whispered something in her ear and she nodded, and he took her arm and started to guide her out through the large double French doors at the back of the room.

Wait a minute! This wasn't right! This couldn't be happening! Was he taking her out there to dance – or to propose?

I had to stop it. I had to. My mind went black with rage. I was going to tear her apart! Who did she think she was!? How dare she go out to the gardens with him! I started to stride after them, every bone in my body shaking in anger, with hurt, with resentment. I'd break her in two if I had to.

And then I stopped.

I was ready to strangle her, but was it her fault? Would strangling her help?

Edward was the one about to propose, not the other way around.

I started to shake even more.

He was leading her by placing his hand on her hip. That was how he had led me, steering me through rooms, directing me with his strong right hand.

And he smiled at her, with her. I could not smile genuinely for all of Narnia. I had faked smiles all night, but I could not have smiled as he did.

Could it be? Did he care for her? Did he genuinely care for her? Had he replaced me so easily? But he couldn't have... Edward couldn't love Tanya... he just couldn't...

But what if he did?

She had not screamed or shouted at him, as I had done. She didn't argue with him. She had not said she didn't love him. She hadn't hurt him. She deserved him more than I did. More than me, the idiot, who had him but who pushed him away not once but twice.

Maybe he truly loved her. Maybe she was everything he wanted in his wife. Maybe he deserved her. He was wonderful – I wasn't worthy of him. He didn't deserve me with all my flaws – my inability to submit easily to him, my lack of obedience, the way I was always insistent on doing things my way, my refusal to listen to advice. The fact I couldn't get the guts to tell him how I felt. The fact I let him do all the work, made him make all the effort. A man was supposed to rule his home, and his wife do everything for him. I could never do that. I could never be the usual definition of a perfect wife, a perfect woman. I was too headstrong for that. Maybe Tanya wasn't.

Edward deserved someone who was everything a good woman should be – obedient, submissive, quiet, not quick tempered, not prone to dramatic over-reactions.

Edward and Tanya went through the doors and turned into the garden – disappearing completely from my sight.

I clapped my hand over my mouth to stop from screaming.

I realised what I needed to do.

I stared at the exact spot where they had disappeared, trying to remember every detail of Edward and the way he looked – as though I would, as though I could, ever forget.

This was going to be the last time I ever saw Edward. Or at least, the last time I ever saw him in the flesh. In a hundred years time, if I was sentenced to live that long, he would still be the only thing I could ever see.

Every time I closed my eyes his image would be imprinted in the darkness. I would dream of him every night. Every time I turned around, every time I looked over my shoulder, he would be there. I would see him just from the corner of my eye, but if I tried to look too closely he would disappear.

Every day for the rest of my life I would be haunted by his image. And I would live for the haunting, feed off of it. I would lock myself in my chambers for as long as possible to be alone with him, with my phantom Edward, with my memory. I would thrive off him. And I still didn't even know his second name.

For the rest of forever I would remember him as Edward. As my Edward. The best thing that had ever happened to me, the point in my existence.

Because this would be the last time I would ever see him.

Because I wasn't going to go after him.

Because I wanted him to be happy.

Edward deserved happiness, more than anyone I'd ever known.

And I wished that he could have found it with me, because that would have been perfect. But it was me who had ruined that. I had hurt him. It wasn't him who pulled away twice. He had pulled away once, and I had jumped him, made him come back. And then I had sent him away again. Because I didn't want to have to face up to how I felt. And then he had put himself out there, come back again even when I didn't show him that I wanted him to come back, and it had been perfect, and again I had ruined it because I couldn't face up to how I felt.

If Tanya didn't hurt him, then that was what mattered. If Tanya made him happy then that was what mattered. It killed me, but I was already dead. I was going to get out. I wanted Edward to have everything that someone that wonderful deserved and that wasn't someone as horrible as me.

I wanted him to be happy – even if that couldn't be with me. Even though I couldn't be happy without him – that didn't matter. All that mattered was that Edward was happy. And if I had to step aside and that happiness had to be with Tanya then so be it.

I had been wrong though. I thought there was no way I could cry anymore. No way I had anymore tears left in me. But I had been wrong. Tears started coursing down my face and there was nothing I could have done to stop them, even if I wanted to. I shoved my whole fist in my mouth, biting down hard on my own hand, to attempt to stop the screaming that if I started I would never stop.

People were staring at me, but I didn't care. I had stopped running. They could all see how I felt. I had hidden it, and that had gotten me nowhere. They could all see it now, if they wanted.

And it was too strong to have hidden anyway. The sense of loss was too strong to fight. I had tried to fight. I had fought long and hard against everything I was feeling and I had lost. I had lost. I had lost, I was defeated.

"Bella!" Alice ran after me as I exited the hall, "Bella what are you doing? What is it? What's happened?" she asked, throwing her arms round me as I turned my tear stained face to her.

Slowly, testing my control levels, I prised my fist from my mouth and out my out arms round her, clinging on to her.

"Alice – I need to leave, I need to get out," I choked.

She pulled me in tighter, taking some of my weight on her tiny shoulders as I slumped against her.

"Bella – why? Why now? When you had finally gotten it together, when you were going to fight for him? When you had eventually given into how you felt?" she whispered.

"That's just it Alice," I half choked, half sobbed, "I have to go because of how I feel."

I took a deep breath in an attempt to steady my voice and then admitted something I had been trying to hide. Admitted the thing I'd been denying. Admitted what I'd known since I'd first come here. Admitted what I'd known all along. Admitted the thing that caused all the problems – the thing that everything would have been simpler without. I let down my guard and got rid of my pride and admitted something I hated to admit. Admitted my vulnerability.

I said it, out loud.

"Alice – I love him."

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Dun Dun Dun (yes I enjoy doing that!). So she finally said it - those three words, but its all too late!

Personally I think this would have been a great ending, Bella sarcarficing her own happiness because she loves Edward and values his happiness above her own - but I realised that a few of you may not agree so there are another few chapters yet. If you want them. ;) After all, could Edward be truly happy with Tanya?

Personally I love this chapter but as you have all probably noticed I'm slightly odd - so give me **your** opinions!


	17. Pride

So you guys gave me nearly 100 reviews for that last chapter. Wow. Thank you so much! =D

And I realise you're probably all ready to kill me for taking so long to update.

The reason for that is because I'm currently celebrating the fact I've now finished school by going on a round the world cruise, and aparently finding a computer that allows you to stick in your USB thing to upload chapters is extremely hard! So snaps for Vienna, the first place that I've managed to find one to update for you! However... because I'm busy cruising, I have only just kinbda proof read this on my computer so there are probably still typos all over it, so apologies for that!

Anyway without further ado... chapter 17!

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**Chapter 17. Pride.  
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"**Only someone who had cried a great deal**

**understands why someone else wants to stop the tears."**

**V. C. Andrews**

"I love him."

The words rang out again and again in my head. I loved Edward. I had loved Edward all along. I had loved Edward since my first night in his house. I had loved Edward for 22 days. I would continue to love Edward for as long as I lived. And I would continue to love him in death, when I lived in the lands of Aslan's country. I had been designed for him. I had been designed to love him.

And I had run from it. I had been a fool attempting to run from it.

"I know you love him, Bella," Alice hushed me, pulling me closer, "I know you do."

"Alice... I need to get away," I choked out.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I need to go. I can't be here and love him."

"Bella, I..."

"Alice, please?" I begged her.

She paused then, "Come to my room, we can talk more privately there," she said taking my hand in hers and pulling me along the corridor.

My sobs eventually died out as I sat curled up in front of the fire in Alice's room.

"Now, Bella, you want to leave?"

"No. I need to leave."

"Need to?"

"Alice, I would stay for eternity if I thought it would help."

"Bella, what's going on?"

"I can't tell you Alice, its better for you – safer for you – if I don't."

"Safer for me? Bella – you're not some kind of criminal in Narnia are you?" she asked, her eyes wide.

"No Alice, I just don't want you to get hurt."

I couldn't tell her who I was, I just needed her to help me get out. If I left now and any questions were asked, she needed to know nothing. They all needed to know nothing. If it ever came out that I was a slave here they would all automatically be arrested, no questions asked. I couldn't bear the thought of tiny Alice – who had been nothing but kind to me, in a cell. And the thought of her separated from Jasper… They weren't physically obvious in their love, as Emmett and Rosalie were, but it was deep and strong and unbreakable, all you had to do was look at them to see that. They would die if they were separated from one another.

And Emmett and Rosalie, they argued like cat and dog but they loved one another. I didn't like her, and she hated me. But I couldn't be responsible for taking them away from each other. I had killed love for myself, and killing it was a crime. Love was awe-inspiring. Love humbled people, and brought out the best in them. I was proof of that. Love needed to be shared and spread – not taken away.

And Edward. Away from Tanya. I couldn't see it when he looked at her, not truly, not in his eyes like when Jasper looked at Alice or when Emmett looked at Rosalie, but maybe that was because I didn't want to see it. Edward had said he would marry 'for love's sake and the sake of love alone'. Emmett had told me 'Edward has funny ideas about who he wants to marry. He talks about _love'. _And Alice had said that Edward had 'ideas of love and marriage and sex all going together'. That had to prove it, he had to love her. And the unmentioned fact went that he had never taken me, that I was still pure in that way. So therefore he must not love me. He must love Tanya.

And if being away from her would kill him then that would kill me. On one hand it would kill me because he loved her. And on the other hand, the much bigger hand, it would kill me because he would be sad, he would be hurting, he would be in pain.

No, I couldn't bear the thought of any of them locked in a cell, for something I could have stopped. How selfish I had been to tell Jasper not to send a message, then I could have said he had rescued me, that Emmett had recognised me and rescued me, that they had been heroes. Now if anything happened it would look as though I had been kept as a slave and had escaped. And that would mean trouble for them. So she could know nothing of who I was, and I would just have to trust Jasper to never admit to anything. If I left now, I would just be Bella. Just another slave they had once had. Tanya was going to make Edward happy, he had made his decision, she would make him happy – happier than I'd ever made him – and Bella would just fizzle from memory.

I would tell Jasper to distract them all, to make them forget me. To make it so that it was as if I never existed.

"Are you decided, Bella? Is there nothing I can do to make you stay?"

"Nothing. I must go, Alice."

"Very well," she sighed, "though I shall miss you, I will help you. I will help you leave."

"Thank you Alice, I cannot tell you how much this means that you would do this for me."

"Tomorrow Tanya will return to her home in Avra, the third of the Lone Islands, and as her cousins we will ride with her to the harbour to see her boat off. We shall all be gone for around two hours. If you go out into the gardens, then go to the rose garden there is a door in the wall which will lead you out to the fields. I will make sure that it is unlocked for you."

"Thank you."

"Just because I am helping you does not mean that I think this is the right thing to do."

"Why not?"

She sighed and sat down on the bed.

"I've been broken Bella, do you think Jasper and I were always happy? I've been broken more times than I can count, and I sat there and let everyone else pick up the pieces and then I went running off and broke myself again. And I'll tell you one thing, Bella, I don't know why they call it heartbreak because it feels like every other part of your body is broken too. And it hurts. It hurts like nothing anybody will ever be able to describe using words. It's something no one can write about, no one can sing about, no one can talk about. You can't describe it - you can only go through it to know it. You can only feel it. Agony doesn't even begin to cover it, Bella. I know. I've felt it. I've been through it. And I'm here. Because I had to keep going towards my ultimate goal, and getting there meant that I had to get hurt. And I thought it was worth it Bella. Because I've got there, I've found it. Love. It's everything, Bella, everything they promise you it's going to be. It's worth risking everything. And you're running from it. I know you don't want to feel like this and I know you want away, but it's worth it Bella. And I'm not going to make you stay if you're determined not to, but I think you should. Because it's worth it in the end – love really is everything they promise you, and more."

"Alice – maybe it is for you, but there's a difference between you and Jasper and Edward and I."

"What's that?"

"Love."

"What?" she asked me, uncomprehendingly.

"Jasper loves you."

"Edward loves-"

"Edward loves Tanya," I cut across her, "Surely you must know that, Alice. He is your brother and you told me yourself – Edward would not marry unless it was for love. So he must love her. She must make him happy. And I want him to be happy."

She had been shaking her head at me since I started speaking and she seemed to take a moment to think about what she wanted to say before she opened her mouth to speak. But the voice I heard was not hers.

"Edward loves you."

I almost keeled over. Rosalie stood just inside the door looking strong and tall and as though what she was saying was causing her great pain.

Alice and I looked at Rosalie – Alice with a small smile and me with a look of disbelief.

"What?" I finally asked after being struck dumb for a few awkward moments. Great response Bella, I thought to myself, sarcastically, but there was nothing I could say to that statement.

She sighed.

"Edward loves you," she repeated, pinching the bridge of her nose. I half smiled, it was such an Edward thing to do, "And I don't think you should leave."

"Rosalie – you've hated me since I came here," I said slowly, "why would you try and convince me to stay?"

She sat down on the bed and ran her fingers through her long, perfect blond hair, the top half of which was braided and coiled round her head like a crown while the rest hung down her back like a waterfall.

"I don't hate you, Bella," she said awkwardly, "I was… jealous."

"Jealous of me?"

"Not so much jealous of you… Just, at first, I disliked you because you brought up those stories they spread about me, and that infuriates me when the majority of people spreading them know nothing about me."

I nodded, I could understand that.

"But then Edward liked you and I became jealous, rather than irritated, with you. And then when the two of you stopped talking I was bored of being irritated with you and just became indifferent, you didn't bother me. But then that night at the ball – the way he looked at you when you danced. I couldn't stand it Bella!"

"Emmett looks at you like that all the time," I answered, entirely unsure of where she was taking this. However any man ever looked at me, Rosalie would have received 100 more of those looks, "Are you in love with Edward?"

"NO!" she shrieked, "Aslan save me, no! I love Emmett more than I could possibly say, but the thing is Bella. I have always been admired for my beauty… no one has ever been able to resist Rosalie Hale."

"Right…" I still had no clue what she was trying to tell me.

"Edward never cared."

Well, now I was more confused than ever. I raised an eyebrow at her, giving her a questioning look.

She sighed again, "Bella, I have always been used to being beautiful, being the centre of attention. But Edward never cared for me, not in that way. He was never impressed by me… never jealous of Emmett that he had me. Jasper and I met only after Jasper and Alice had met and though that irritated me, I could tell that he was so in love with Alice that nobody else could have stolen his attention, no matter what they looked like. With Edward he had no reason. I was beautiful, he was single. I should have been interesting to him, but I wasn't. And because of the stories the woman all told about me – laughing at them by knowing I could seduce their husbands was the only power I had. And you and Edward stripped that power away from me."

"So," I said slowly. "You were jealous that -"

"That there was something about you that meant that Edward was interested in you, when he never was in me."

"Oh." I was clearly all about the intelligent responses these days.

There was a pause whilst Rosalie and I regarded each other before she sat down against the bed, next to where I sat on the rug.

"But he's not just interested in you Bella, he loves you," she said quietly.

I shook my head, she was wrong. "I hurt him, why would he love me?"

"Because he loves you," she closed her eyes as though I was frustrating her, "why don't you understand that? He loves you, no matter what you do, he will always love you, because of that. Because he loves you."

"Bella," Alice said softly, "Edward loves you and you love him. Seeing him with Tanya tonight –he knew that would hurt you. And did it hurt you? Yes. But you've already forgiven him because you would forgive him for anything. Because you love him. And he feels the same."

"So don't leave," Rosalie half pleaded with me.

My head was spinning. What if what they said was true? I was sure it wasn't. But what if it was? Even if it was though – I had to leave. It was inevitable that I would have to leave and if I left now when he must hate me, when he was about to marry someone else and be happy – maybe that would make it easier for both of us.

But when I had pretended to move on and dance with the others, it was to hurt him. It was because I hated him and wanted to hurt him so much. I hated him, because I loved him. Because I loved him so much I couldn't even control myself. Because I loved him so much that it drove me insane. But dancing and marrying – they were hardly the same. He must have more reason to marry her than just to try and hurt me. No, I would leave. I would stop inflicting pain on this family.

"I've said everything I came to, so I shall leave and return to the party now, Bella," Rosalie said, standing, "It's your choice, but I don't think you should leave. But do not think that just because I have come here and said this that you are not still nothing but a slave in my eyes and that I will not whip you senseless if I feel the need."

She left the room, tossing her head.

"I suppose it is your choice, Bella, and I will support whatever you chose Bella, but, please…" Alice whispered as the door slammed behind Rosalie's statuesque figure.

"Alice – I have to leave."

"Bella – no!" she said, huge tears forming in her green eyes, "Will you sleep here tonight at least?"

I shook my head, "I want to spend my last night near him."

She nodded, sniffing, "Maybe that will change your mind."

"I doubt it. But Alice, I loved you as a sister, never doubt that."

"I'll never forget you Bella."

"You must Alice, you must forget me. You must pretend I never existed."

"Oh Bella! That's impossible!" she cried, throwing her arms around me, sobbing.

"You must try Alice, try, for me. And tell Jasper I told you to forget me. Tell Jasper from me that it was my last wish before I left that you should all forget I ever existed. Swear to me that you will tell him," I growled into her thick brown hair.

"I swear Bella, though I don't understand why. Where will you go?" she asked as she released me and I made my way around she and Jasper's bed towards the door. I paused, I had given this no thought.

Where would I go?

I only knew one person in the Lone Islands enough to go to him now. And he would be in Narnia, with the other men, looking for me. I thought of my father's best friend, the man who had always been like a second father to me. The man I trusted above everybody else, the man whose guidance I craved now more than ever. He would have known what to do, had he been here.

He had mentioned that he had a few children though, a daughter and son who were both about my age. If I managed to find them and gave them my name then perhaps they would know me. Although the chances of anyone believing that I was Isabella Swan when I looked like this were slim, even I didn't know who I was anymore. Though that was less because of my appearance and more because I had been so altered recently…

"Alice – do you know where Carlisle Cullen lives?" I asked, hardly daring to hope that she would know.

She gave me a strange look.

"I hear they treat slaves well," I added bleakly.

"Very funny Bella," she said stonily.

I supposed families who had titles only through marriages would not know much of where the nobility stayed, and would resent this.

I forced a smile. "Make sure and remember to leave the gate unlocked for me."

"I shall Bella and don't mind what Rosalie said at the end about whipping you, that was just… well… she's… you know…"

"I know," I reassured Alice.

And I did know. Tat had been Rosalie trying to claw back her dignity, because she was proud.

"Goodbye, Alice," I hugged her one last time.

"Goodbye, Bella," she whispered.

I turned and left, making my way towards Edward's room.

I knew all about proud people, I knew how much it took Rosalie to get off her high horse and say what she had. But now I knew that the cost of not getting off the horse, of not swallowing your pride and saying what you should was higher. Much higher. Because now I was running away like the coward I was, and because now Edward was marrying Tanya.

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I'm in Vienna for 3 days - so you could get another 2 updates before I head back to the boat and away to Budapest.

IF you review ;)

Chapter 18 - The Great Escape.

Preview:

**"I moved from my corner to his bed and lay there for some time, clutching his blanket and burying my face in his pillow, memorising every under-note of his scent, knowing that in a million years if he stood anywhere near me then I would know him by his smell alone without needing to see him.**

**I lay there for what must have been hours, not sobbing and choking as I had done, but lying still and silent with tears slipping out down my cheeks."**

Want the rest of it? Hit the review button. 80 reviews gets the chapter - which should be easy cause you guys gave way over 80 for the last one and I got tonnes of new people adding this to their alert lists and favourites lists - thank you for that =) And welcome to all the new people =)


	18. The Great Escape, The Sweetest Goodbye

Sorry this never got updated yesterday - I couldn't get away from my friends who shall never know that I write this, because I have a feeling if they did know that my edward and jasper obsession had gone to the point that I have invented my own little 'Narniaight' world, they may have me put in a clinic (though if that would result in me becoming a vampire alice style i wouldn't complain.)

But anyway thank you to everyone who reviewed - you guys are awsome =)

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**Chapter 18. The Great Escape/The Sweetest Goodbye.**

"**I never saw so sweet a face**

**As that I stood before**

**My heart has left its dwelling place**

**And can return no more."**

**~John Clare**

He came to bed silently that night, exhausted after his dancing with Tanya no doubt. I turned to him from my place in the corner, and he looked at me but neither of us said anything. He blew out the candles and got into bed, looking at me once more before blowing out the final candle on his bedside table, but he said nothing. I said nothing. If I had spoken, I would have told him what I could not hold back. I would have told him I loved him. And that would hurt him, more than anything, if what Rosalie had said was true. Because I couldn't love him, and sooner or later I would go back to Narnia and leave him behind, regardless. I wouldn't have a choice. And if it wasn't true, if he had, as I suspected, moved on and loved Tanya, then it made no difference at all.

He rose soon after dawn, but I kept my eyes closed and pretended to sleep. I was hoping against hope that he would tell me something when he thought I was asleep, as he had done before, but he didn't. He left and I mentally kicked myself, for I knew that he would not return. I would escape that afternoon and never see him again. And I had missed my last chance.

I moved from my corner to his bed and lay there for some time, clutching his blanket and burying my face in his pillow, memorising every under-note of his scent, knowing that in a million years if he stood downwind I would know him by his smell alone without needing to see him.

I lay there for what must have been hours, not sobbing and choking as I had done, but lying still and silent with tears slipping out down my cheeks.

Eventually I realised that I would miss my chance if I did not move. I went to look out Edward's window. The windows on the right of the room showed the yard and stables, where they would leave from that afternoon, and the windows on the left showed the rose garden, the place I would escape from.

They were all milling about the yard now, besides from Edward and Tanya. Alice was talking with Jasper, standing by a huge horse and a tiny pony with a white mane, looking tired and sad, as though she had been up all night like me.

I went to look at the rose gardens from the other window, spotting the wooden door she had promised to leave unlocked. Where would I go? I tried to remember the way to town; from there I would hopefully be able to find someone who knew where the Cullen home was. Or even the Newton home, Michael would take me in, do as I asked.

I moved back to the yard and my heart fluttered as I saw him join his siblings. He was magnificent in his riding cloak; the one Alice had made him for his birthday.

I turned away. If I looked too long then I would end up jumping from the window then and there and begging him not to marry her.

I sat at the piano and played the same Narnian lament that I had played on once before on the beautiful instrument, and once I had finished playing another song, this one composed by Queen Susan, a song of love and loss of wounds to the heart rather than the battlefield. I played it again and again until I got it perfect, hoping that the essence of it would stay in the room, that Edward would hear it in the wind or the room's vibrations or the dying embers of the fire later that night. I hoped he would hear my confession in his heart, even though I couldn't say it, couldn't confess it in person. Hoping he would realise what I couldn't explain to him. And I hated myself for wanting that, because it could only hurt him.

I walked around the room for the last time, I wanted something to remind me of Edward, though I would never need a reminder. I just wanted something I could hold and feel and clutch in the middle of the night. I wanted something so that when I woke and was half convinced that the memories I had were merely vivid dreams that I had so often I had convinced myself that they were real, that I would know they weren't. I would be able to hold something and smell it and know. Know that it was his and that he had been real, that he hadn't been a figment of my imagination, know that yes, he had been beautiful and too beautiful to be real, but somehow he had been.

I ran my fingers over everything in the room, doing a circuit, considering everything he owned, trying to think of what he would miss the least. And at the same time I wanted to take something he would miss, because I wanted him to realise I had gone. I wanted him to be sitting ten years from now, when he and Tanya were married with children and for him to reach for something and for him to remember the slave who had escaped and taken it with her, that slave who meant nothing to him, but whom he meant everything to. I wanted him to remember Bella. He would always remember Bella, just Bella. And I would always remember Edward.

And I hated myself for being so petty and infantile and spiteful. I wanted him to forget me, it would be better if he forgot me, if he never thought of me again after today. Because it would only hurt him, and I wanted him to move on and find love with someone who deserved it, and I wanted for him to be happy.

No, I would take something small and insignificant. I looked around his library. I had thought at first that he must not read, his library was in such good condition but I knew now that it was merely because he took good care of his books. But he couldn't possibly know every book in his collection, even if he did take good care of them. I began to wander up and down his shelves.

There were books of every kind. There were books of love, of poetry, of music, of songs, of things that meant something, books of romance. There would have been a million books that were more acceptable than the one I picked. But I knew in my heart that this one was right, this one was it.

I tucked "Myths and Legends of Narnia" by Tumnas the Faun and cast a look at his sofa, where he had sat reading out passages to me whilst I had my head resting on his lap. Read the passage that warned against locking your heart away, read the passage telling you to allow yourself to love, to allow your heart to live. I had lived.

Whenever I read that book, I would hear his voice in my head. His perfect voice, the voice that could control me, the only voice that could control me. He could control me even here in his house, near him, where I was driven so insane by my love for him that I could not control myself.

He would probably never realise its absence, but it seemed only fair that I left him something in exchange.

Though all I owned nothing here, he had something that belonged to me. Or more accurately he had something that had once, in what seemed like a past life, what seemed a millennium ago, belonged to me. And although what I could leave him was worthless and useless and could not replace the book I had taken, I had to leave it anyway because I didn't have a choice in leaving it behind.

I went to the desk and pulled a piece of parchment and a quill towards me.

"Look after my heart – I've left it with you".

I placed the parchment in the small space where the book had been, between two other books by Tumnas the Faun. His library was organised by author's name. I smiled through the silent tears that were still spilling over my eyes, dribbling down my face, unstoppable.

It seemed fair – stolen goods for stolen goods. I had his book, he had my heart. What he had received was useless to him, he couldn't use it for anything, it contained no information, it was not beautiful that he could display it. It couldn't even be held. He couldn't even get the satisfaction of throwing the unwanted thing away. What I had taken had proper value, I could hold it, I could feel it. It contained information, reading it would improve my knowledge. It could save my life by being used to start a fire with if I were ever freezing to death. But I would never use it for that. I would treasure it always. I would request that I were sent to Aslan's country holding it. That was another difference between the two things in the trade – I would treasure what I had received and he would be disgusted by his ends. But though out reactions to each other's bargaining chips were different Edward and I had one thing in common – neither of us had a choice in what we had given up. Both things had been taken behind our backs, before we knew they were gone.

I took one more look around the window before taking a deep breath and heading to the window. There was no one in the stable yard now, so I headed to the window that overlooked the rose garden and pushed it open. Alice hadn't said I needed to jump out the window, I could have easily walked through the door, I knew the way roughly, and I had about an hour. But this seemed in my hazed and unthinking state of mind to make perfect sense.

I got up onto the window sill and closed my eyes, not looking at the ground below me.

I let out the air I had been holding and took in new air, smelling the roses in the air and smelling him. The mixture of the roses and the scent from the room behind me, the scent of him, was intoxicating. I would have to chose my own colour of rose soon and I would chose red, for the red roses Edward had bought for me and thrown on the ground that day at market. I wanted him to be present in every detail of my life for ever after, even the details that no one else would understand.

I took in another deep breath. This was what we would have smelled like. His scent mixed with the scent of my roses.

And I jumped.

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Soooo... reviews? =)

Chapter 19 is called The Long Fall That Felt Like Flying, and that's all you guys are getting from me =P


	19. The Long Fall That Felt Like Flying

**Sorry, I know this has taken forever, couldn't get a computer in Budapest. Prague is more accomodating, but I'm only here 2 nights! Anyway, read, review, tell me if it was worth the wait =P**

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**Chapter 19. The Long Fall That Felt Like Flying.**

"**The decision to kiss for the first time is the most crucial in any love story. It changes the relationship of two people much more strongly than even the final surrender; because this kiss already has within in that surrender."**

**-Emil Ludwig**

I fell, keeping my eyes shut. I seemed to fall for an eternity. I was going to scream but I didn't, because I wasn't actually scared, I just focused on falling, on the air rushing past me, trying to work out at what rate the ground below was hurtling towards me at and when I was going to come to a standstill with a sickening crunch of bones.

But there was no sickening crunch of bones as I imagined. I bumped down, hard, I would have bruises the next day, but there was no damage to my bones.

And my heart was not beating fast, not when I first landed. Not when I thought I was alone.

But that didn't last long.

My heart began to pound and my breathing grew erratic, not at the jump, but at the voice.

"BELLA! WHAT IN THE NAME OF ASLAN DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?!"

I opened my eyes in time to take in the sight of him towering over me before me grabbed me and hauled me to my feet, controlling my entire body with the one hand he held me with, pulling me to face him and shaking me, as though I were a rattle.

"WHAT IN THE BLAZES WERE YOU THINKING?!"

I said nothing as he continued to shake me before he propelled me round in front of him and started to march me into his house, landing sharp slaps on my rear.

I wriggled and jumped, squirming to try and escape the stinging swats but I was held fast by his left hand on my arm, and his right hand found its target again and again.

I screamed at him to leave me go, but he ignored me and nobody seemed to be around to come to my rescue.

"OUT THE WINDOW, BELLA?! YOU COULD HAVE KILLED YOURSELF!" he roared at me, as he threw me into his room, shutting the door firmly behind him.

I turned to face him, ready to tell him that even if I had killed myself it wasn't as if it would have made any difference to him and that he could just go mind his own business, but the look he gave me silenced me.

"Put that book on the desk," he snapped, rubbing his nose as I scuttled over to the desk and put 'Myths and Legends of Narnia' down as quietly as I could.

I stood at the desk, looking at him, entirely unsure of what he wanted from me.

"Bella, get over here now, or so help me I swear in the name of Aslan..."

He didn't even need to finish his threat, I was making my way shakily over to him, where he stood by his bed, my breathing short and shallow, every inch of me quaking in fear.

I was truly afraid of him. I had never been afraid of anything, I had always been the person in the room with the most power, everyone had to do as I said. But Edward wasn't going to do as I said; he was going to do exactly as he pleased. And this scared me, and excited me, and made me want to run away from him, and made me want to stay with him forever.

He got fed up with my slow shuffling and dragged me over to the spot himself, sitting down on the edge of his bed and pulling me swiftly across his lap.

"You could have injured yourself, been seriously hurt, been killed," he growled at me as he started to rain down the swats on my upturned rear.

I kicked my legs out, drumming them on the floor behind me, pleading with him to stop and at the same time not wanting him to.

There was something about being pinned down here, powerless against him, that I loved. I was in pain, the spanking was not an easy, gentle one, but somehow I felt... safe, taken care of here, over his lap. It should have been humiliating, a spanking was a punishment that was given to small children, and I had never received one, even as a child, but it wasn't. It was relief, to relinquish control utterly.

I thought of what Alice had told me after Edward had spanked her, that he had done it to correct her out of love. I felt as though I was valued here, over his lap, being punished for something I had done that had put me in danger. It was strange, and I didn't fully understand it, but something told me to stop questioning it.

I felt the cool air breeze across me as he lifted my skirts and bundled them up around my waist.

"Bella, what were you thinking?" he snapped at me, continuing to spank me with every word.

"I thought you were away riding with Tanya," I sobbed out, my breathing erratic as I tried to cry and talk at the same time. I had never cried when he had beaten me, not even with his riding crop, but here I was, crying like a baby now over a hand being brought down on me.

"So that's a reason to jump out windows?!"

I winced at his tone.

"Well, you were meant to be away so..."

"Again, so that's a reason to jump out windows. What in the name of Aslan were you thinking Bella?! Didn't it occur to you at any point that you could get bloody hurt?"

The spanks had slowed down now before coming to a complete stop. He ran his fingers through his hair and I sank down to my knees between his legs, my face resting on his left knee, where previously my torso had rested as he punished my backside.

"I thought you were marrying Tanya so I thought I'd get out of the way..." I trailed off in a small voice.

"Marrying Tanya... what does that have to do with anything? Who told you that?" he snapped, but continued without waiting for a response, "And running away Bella. Running away! You stupid, stupid girl! What in the name of Aslan was I meant to do without you? Just get yourself in that corner and stay there until I think of a suitable punishment for you!"

The words were not kind, not gently, not soft. He was angry, he was chastising me. He was saying that what I had done was stupid and childish and irresponsible. He was saying a million things, none of which were romantic, none of which contained great sentiments and declarations of love.

But it was what I needed to hear.

I pushed myself to my feet, opening my mouth, ready to tell him exactly what he was meant to without me, go back to doing whatever it had been that he had been doing before I arrived, but I didn't. I was going to march over to the corner and throw myself down and ignore him, but I didn't.

Instead something else took over me and as soon as I had taken two steps away towards the corner I immediately turned round and walked back to him and slapped him straight across the face, for hurting me, for spanking me, for treating me like...a slave, for Tanya, because I couldn't just get a grip of myself and that was all his fault, for everything.

He stood up, he was almost a foot taller than me and I couldn't help thinking that I had ruined it all now, he was furious, and there was no going back, but I was furious too, furious at myself. We stared at each other, not sure who was going to make the next move, but suddenly, and I will never be sure of he came to me or I went to him or we both surrendered at the same time, before I knew what I was doing my mouth was on his, our lips touching, my fingers in his hair, his fingers round my back, pulling me into him.

We stayed, joined, a circuit of electricity for what must have been an age and a half but which wasn't long enough. It was the most heady, romantic moment of my life. I felt my legs begin to give way underneath me with it all as my head swam, and he caught me, picking me up so that my legs were wrapped round his waist as we kissed. Now I understood why on my first day here Rosalie had greeted Emmett like this, it made me feel even closer to him, pressed us even more together.

We broke apart, gasping for air, a look of desperation on both our faces, our lips not an inch apart, our eyes never leaving the others.

"I love you," I breathed, "I love you Edward, I do. I always have, from that first night here, and I've been a fool. I've been an idiot, I've pushed you away and I've hurt you and I don't deserve you but I love you, I love you, I do. And I'm a fool for loving you, and a bigger fool for telling you and admitting it, but I can't fight it any longer, I'm surrendering to it, and that's something that's taken me more effort, to surrender than the effort it would take most people to keep fighting. But I'm surrendering Edward, because I can't stay here and be near you and not have you know, not have you know that I love you."

And before he could say anything, I pressed my mouth on his again.

He pulled us both down on the bed and rolled over so that he was on top of me, trailing hungry kisses down my collarbone.

His tongue caressed my body, sometimes gentle, sometimes rough, telling me things that I wanted to hear with the kisses that he was landing all over me.

Impatiently he grabbed at the neckline of my dress and started to rip it, ripping the entire gown in half, so that I lay naked and exposed under him, and as I pulled my arms free he pulled his shirt over his head before collapsing back down on top of me, taking my breast in his mouth.

I threw my head back on the pillow, arching my back to give him better access. He bit down hard and I cried out, but the pain in my breast coupled with the throbbing of my backside seemed to do nothing but increase the wetness that was dripping out between my legs.

I felt empty; I wanted him in me, to fill me. As if he were reading my thoughts he reached down and sunk two fingers into me. I gasped out and tried to buck against him as he thrust them in and out of me. Until that memorable time over his desk, I had never been touched before in this, my most intimate area, but even though I was tight and unused to the sensation I wanted more.

I trailed my fingers down his sides, before reaching round to his waistband.

Aslan help me, he was perfect, and if I only had until the men came, then I would take every second of it.

"Are you sure?" he breathed at me, breaking away from my chest for a moment to look into my eyes.

I nodded and he kissed me again, a fiery kiss full of passion and longing and desire and want, and I kissed him back with just as much as he gave me.

Aslan, I needed him. I needed him more than I could understand, more than I ever wanted to need anyone. This was something beyond passion and lust and want, it was need. I depended on him. His very existence justified my own. And that was something I used to sneer at, something I never wished for myself. I had never been interested in looking for love, but now that I had found it I could never go without him.

He pulled his fingers out from me slowly, and pushed his trousers out of the way, kicking them onto the floor by the bed.

The heat that he had caused in my backside was now a pleasant, if stingy, warm pulsing that radiated through my entire body, causing my core to become wetter and wetter, readying me for him.

He lowered himself back onto me, our naked bodied entwined, our limbs fragile and trembling as we looked at each other, both of us giving ourselves away entirely for the first time.

"Are you sure, Bella, definitely?" he asked me again, looking into my eyes, trying to ensure that he would not hurt me, that I was not saying things because he wanted to hear them.

He need not have worried. Every inch of me wanted him, and every part of me was sure of that.

"I would rather have you and lose my maiden state than be without you," I breathed up at him, enjoying the feeling of his body, of his weight, on top of me.

"My virtue is all I have left Bella," he said quietly as he spread my legs wide and started to ease into me, "But I would rather never see Aslan's kingdom and have you than live for eternity amongst the blessed and the saints and have never been with you like this."

His fingers found my clit as he broke through my barrier, claiming me as his. I let out a small cry and he looked down into my eyes again, worried about me.

I nodded my head for him to continue, and wrapped my arms around where his were placed on either side of my head, supporting most of his weight.

His thrusts got deeper and deeper and I pushed my hips up to meet him.

"I love you Bella," he said, breathily as he continued to look into my eyes whilst he thrust his force in to me, "You're the only girl I've ever loved. When I dream, it is all about you, when I wake, every thought revolves around you. I love you Bella, I love you."

And on his last I love you, we came together in perfect harmony.

I lay there, panting for a while before pushing my hair back with my fingers and rolling onto my side as he rolled onto his, so that we lay facing one another.

"Sure, you love me now," I said, half joking, "But I have loved you since the first night, when you commanded me to strip and sleep naked."

And it was true, since I had realised that night that I had found the one person whose voice alone could control me, I had known, no matter how I tried to deny it, that he would be the only man I could ever love.

"And you stood there for almost half an hour, waiting for me to tell you what to do, determined that you wouldn't turn around and ask because you're a stubborn little thing," he remembered, smiling fondly at me.

"How do you know – you were asleep!"

"I was pretending Bella – you're rather gullible sometimes. All this time you still haven't known, have you? You haven't known, truly, that I love you until tonight – though I tried to confess it a million ways. But Bella," he rolled us both over so that he was once more on top of me, his eyes boring into mine, "I have loved you since the moment I laid eyes on you, since I saw you waving my book at Emmett and telling him off for almost making you drop it. After all Bella, as Tumnas the faun wrote, whoever loved that loved not at first sight?"

I sighed with the intensity of it all, with the realisation that he truly did love me, and I kissed him again, my lips lingering on his for as long as I could get away with it. He rolled off me and pulled me into his arms from behind and we lay, entangled, in silence for a short while and I had almost dozed off for an afternoon nap before Edward broke it.

"Bella, not that I'm not still mad at you for it, I'm furious because you could have broken your neck, but why in the name of Aslan did you go for the window? Normal people would go out the door."

I paused, considering my answer.

"I wanted the long fall that would feel like flying."

He kissed my neck lightly before whispering in my ear, "Some of us don't need windows for that Bella."

* * *

**Who ever loved that loved not at first sight?**

**-Christopher Marlowe.**

See, I might like the angst, but I'm also a sucker for some good old fashioned romance. =)

Did you enjoy my romance?


	20. Fear

Jacob went back to Narnia, but he'll be back later :)

For those of you who thought the last chapter was the end, no I am not that lame, I don't leave it with millions of unanswered questions!

Regarding POVs: this will be completely in Bella's POV but I am then going to post it in Edward's after I finish posting this, which gives more info on Tanya, explains why he was in the garden rather than away riding and you know, general other things. If you have any major questions about stuff from Edwrad's POV, stick it in the request and I'll make sure its included. Alsooo.... the title for it is so far The Missing Chronicle:The Lion's Share, which I'm not very happy with so if anyone has any ideas for a title with some play on the whole lion thing, suggestions are really appreciated! I have a story but no title...

Also - someone emailed me about an idea for an Alice and Jasper story. Can that person email me again cause I lost the original email during one of my freakout clearouts where I delete everything, so yeah, if you're reading this - email me!

For the people who seem not to have gotten this - Edward's last name is Cullen. Bella just doesn't know that.

&&Don't blame Europe for the sad chapters - I'm from Britain, I'm technically from Europe therefore even though we dont use euros (which, btw, is really annoying because see the amount of bloody currency I have write now - Swiss francs, dollars, Czech crowns, euros, sterling, why can't we all just use the one thing, like, really, how much simpler would that be!? Sorry, just had to rant there. On with the chapter!

* * *

Chapter 20.

"_To love means never to be afraid of the windstorms of life; should you shield the canyons from the windstorms you would never see the beauty of the carvings."_

_Elizabeth Kubler Ross_

Instead of making any effort to go to dinner we remained in bed together and nobody came to bother us. Or at least – nobody came to bother Edward. Alice would still think that I had escaped, and she would have undoubtedly have passed the message on.

After we missed breakfast the next morning, I made the first attempt to get up, but Edward pulled me back down.

"And where, missy, do you think you're going exactly?"

"To tell Alice I changed my mind," I rolled my eyes at him and he smiled and climbed on top of me to straddle me.

"Changed your mind about what?"

"Something. None of your business."

He would probably be angry with her if he thought she had been going to help me in my plan.

"Oh! So you and my sister have secrets now?!" he grinned at me, reaching down to nuzzle into my neck, "I think that's pretty unfair."

"Sorry," I giggled as he bit down on my ear.

"How do you feel?" he whispered, as he lay on top of me.

"Fine," I smiled.

"Just wait till you have to get up and walk about. You'll feel it then," he said, half smugly, sitting back up on top of me, smiling lazily, as though he was proud of his achievements.

I laughed, "Oh is that so is it Edward – well let me tell you, sir, that I -"

But my sentence was interrupted by a loud banging at the door.

"Edward – open up!" Emmett's voice shouted.

Edward groaned, "Go away," he snapped back.

"Edward open the door or I'll break it down!" Emmett shouted.

"GO AWAY!" Edward roared in the direction of the door.

"Edward – listen!" I heard Jasper's voice from the other side, "We know you're upset that Bella left but she thought it was for the best and she asked us all to forget her! She wanted us to forget she was ever here, so stop moping and respect her last wishes."

Lion's mane, he made it sound as though I was dead!

Edward looked down at me, "You wanted me to forget you were ever here?"

"I thought that would be easier..."

"Bella- you've changed my life, you've changed me. You've come into my life and changed my entire world-how in the name of Aslan was I ever meant to forget you?!"

"Right that's it Edward I'm coming in!" Emmett's voice shouted.

"No! Its fine Bella's-" Edward started to shout but it was too later, Emmett trundled in through the door, Jasper and Alice right behind him and Rosalie behind them.

I screeched and pulled my arms over my chest, trying to shield my modesty, whilst Edward bunched the covers around my torso, where he was straddling me.

"Oh!" Emmett let out as soon as he caught sight of us, and whirled round immediately to leave.

Jasper gazed at me in complete shock and disbelief, either at the fact I was naked in bed with his brother in law that everyone thought was so uptight, or that I was still here to be naked in bed with his brother in law that everyone thought was so uptight I wasn't sure, whilst Emmett disappeared muttering "scarred for life, my ickle virgin baby brother!"

Jasper laid his hand on Alice's arm to pull her out, giving Edward the some sort of half sheepish and half congratulatory grin that he was now giving me after the initial shock had worn off, but Alice, seeming completely unfazed that her twin brother and I lay naked together in his bed, ran forward and threw herself into the mix on the bed with us, throwing her arms round her neck.

My terrified eyes met Edward's over her shoulder as I reached round and patted her back awkwardly.

"Bella! I'm so glad you stayed and you told him you loved him didn't you? And he's admitted he loves you to, because he does like we said and it's wonderful and-"

"Alice," Rosalie's voice called from the doorway, "As much as we all realise that Bella is the only person who is not married to you nor related to you in any way, that doesn't actually think you're 100% crazy and refuses to talk to you, she is, in fact, at this very moment lying naked in bed with your twin brother and I believe both of them may appreciate it if you – oh I don't know – left?"

Alice shot up, looking horrified as she seemed to realise only now what she had just thrown herself into.

"Oh...Aslan...Edward...eww!" she shrieked and turned to run out the door.

"I'll beat her if you want Edward," Jasper laughed quietly as he turned to follow his wife.

"Hmph," let out Edward, "Beat her for knowing that Bella intended to leave!"

He actually looked kind of mad with his sister after her speech that completely implied that she knew everything all along (a fact I had intended to gloss over), but Jasper just gave an awkward laugh and left us, heading after Alice.

Rosalie turned to follow them without actually saying anything to us, but I stopped her.

"Rose," I tested out the new name, and she turned, questioning me with her eyes, "Thank you."

She regarded me for a moment and then smiled.

This awkward peace agreement, our shaky alliance, was new and we were both testing the waters.

"You're welcome Bella."

I gathered that she had realised I was not only thanking her for getting Alice off me. She shut the door softly behind her, leaving Edward and I once again alone in his bedroom.

"What was that?" he looked down at me.

"What was what?"

"Rosalie - you called her Rose."

"We understand each other now."

"Aslan help me, you're perfect Bella," he muttered, falling forward into my chest.

I laughed mirthlessly, "I'm hardly perfect. But I'm here, and that's all that matters."

He sucked on my breast, causing my nipple to harden under him before he sighed.

"_You're_ all that matters."

I sighed. I loved him, everyone would just have to understand it, I loved him. And that was all that mattered.

We made love again another time that day, but Edward refused to do it more than once with actual penetration. He thought it would cause me discomfort, and though I wanted him in me as many times as possible before the inevitable happened and the men turned up from Narnia to take me back, I had to love him all the more for the care he took of me, of every aspect of me.

He dressed and went to pick us up some dinner that night, and I tried awkwardly to climb down from the high bed and walked a few steps, clutching the sheet around me. The bed was filthy, and we had lain in it for over an entire day. But that didn't seem to bother either of us.

It was filthy, but it was filthy with us.

I made me way over to the sofa. Despite Edward's cocky remarks and lazy smile, there was nothing funny about the discomfort I felt. Edward had been right – I could feel it, the changes that had taken place as I walked.

I turned indignantly as I heard Edward's low chuckle from behind me.

"What's so funny?"

"You're walking like someone who has ridden side-saddle their entire life after they've just ridden properly for the first time," he grinned at the innuendo.

I raised an eyebrow, "I've never ridden side-saddle."

"You like to ride like a man, do you Bella?"

"I like to ride _properly_, as you put it."

He laughed, "I'm not sure if that's something I should encourage or not."

"Scared I could outride you if I'm riding _properly_?"

"Not at all," he raised one eyebrow at the challenge and threw me a cocky grin, "In fact, tomorrow, if you're feeling more _comfortable_ when walking, we'll go riding."

"I'm sure I'll manage."

"Here," he grinned, coming over to the sofa and pulling me down on his lap, "eat something."

But even though I hadn't eaten in what seemed like forever, I wasn't at all hungry. I just wanted to lie with him, to sit with him, to talk with him. I didn't want to waste our time, our precious, limited time, on eating. He forced me to take a few bites of the chicken he had brought back from the kitchens before giving up.

"You'll be the death of me Bella," he said, half fondly and half snappily.

"Well excuse me, but I think I may possibly want to spend as much time as possible being with you, rather than wasting our time with pointless things like eating."

"We have all the time in the world, Bella, I want you, I _need_ you, forever."

"But see Edward that's the thing we don't have forever, see it's just-"

And that may have been the perfect time for it all to come spilling out, about how I was Isabella Swan and that this really couldn't be and how I'd need to go back to Narnia, because in that moment I knew I could have told him anything and he would have accepted it, he wouldn't have hated me, or Jasper for that matter for keeping it from him, and because I ready to pour it all out without stopping for breath or to think and maybe that was how it should have all come out, but Edward brought his head down to mine, and when our eyes met, that shut me up. Because when our eyes connected it was like every part of me just stopped working, I couldn't think, couldn't speak, couldn't function, because those eyes left me useless as they drew me into them. I'm not even sure if I breathe when I look in his eyes, because I never even properly remember what happens when I look in his eyes.

"Bella-shut up," he whispered.

"Kiss me," I murmured, it didn't seem write to talk loudly, this seemed like a moment of reverence.

"You know Bella," he said softly, so softly that if we hadn't been so close I wouldn't have even realised he was speaking, as he traced his fingers down the side of my face, "I'm surprised I've lasted this long without kissing you."

And then he kissed me.

And nothing came out that night. Nothing about my identity anyway. And looking back, it probably should have, it would have been better. Probably. But the thing was, I hadn't told him by then and it was getting harder. In the moments of silence that night where we lay doing nothing but hold each other, I thought about telling him, but there never seemed to be a good moment. Because I loved him, and I was pretty sure that after I told him, he would hate me for not confessing to him. Because I could have told him, because Jasper would have backed me up and he would have known it was true, not the way that when I first arrived he would have thought I was a slave with crazy tendencies to lie about who I was to get free, the way Michael had reacted to Jessica, but I had needed to know that he loved me first. I had needed to hear those words. And now I had left it so long to tell him that it wasn't going to get any easier. Because it had taken this long for us to admit we loved one another. It had taken this long for me stop mucking everything up and every turn. And this long was a long time to have kept your identity a secret from someone you were falling in love with. And now that I had heard him say it, say those three words, I didn't want to do or say or admit anything that might stop me from hearing them again.

* * *

Chapter 21

- 80 reviews. Which took you guys till tonight for the last chapter. I get over 100 for angsty things and then it takes like over a week on a happy one! Go figure!

-They go riding. What shall riding bring? ;)

-A new character who has been mentioned plenty of times by name but never actually properly appeared, appears.


	21. Freedom, Again

Sorry this has taken so long, been celebrating my 18th by dancing on tables and being drunk most nights. Very classy, I know. When in Rome... literally.

Thank you to Lillie Cullen who recommended this story on her blog - I'm very honoured =)

Alsoo night owl made me a poster for this fan fic, and this is the url http://nightowl99./art/TheMissingChronicle-Interpret-125722279 which I can't get to work, but I don't know if thats just because of these foreign computers or whatever lol, but thank you anyway, I am sure I'll be able to view it once I get home in September =)

* * *

Chapter 21. Freedom, Again.

"**When my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done, help me leave behind some reasons to be missed. And don't resent me, when you're feeling empty, keep me in your memory, leave out all the rest."**

**-Leave Out All The Rest, Linkin Park.**

We all decided to go riding the next day, all six of us, even Emmett, who had gotten over the 'scarring for life' that we had inflicted on him yesterday and who now broke out into big grins and winked at me every time he caught my eye. I was starting to avoid looking at him.

Alice and Jasper tended to go slower, ambling along with Alice pointing out flowers and trees and birds at every corner, and Jasper dismounting to pick them for her if she liked them enough. After we had been riding for about ten minutes she had a crown of various different flowers woven into her hair and had completely disappeared from our vision she and Jasper were so far behind us.

Emmett and Rose were the opposite, Emmett cantering along and Rosalie keeping steady pace with him. Like Alice and Jasper, they too disappeared not long after we had set out, but in the opposite direction.

The forest was quiet and I would have been totally lost without Edward, every turning looked the same.

"Do they always leave you when you all go riding?" I questioned him.

"I usually ride faster than this," he raised an eyebrow at me, "but I ride with my father, discussing various things whilst my siblings-"

"Have fun whilst you be serious," I finished the sentence for him, and produced a grin from him. It was startling, the contrast between now and when I had first arrived. His smiles had been rare, his speech formal, his face blank and words harsh. Now he smiled more than he looked blank, he looked less uptight, less as though he was concerned with things that other people should have been concerned about. He was still mature, there were no two ways about it, he was mature and always would be, but now he actually seemed to be, not younger exactly, but more _free _with himself, more open.

"Somebody's got to be the responsible one. It's clearly never going to be you or any of my brothers or sisters," he smiled.

"You need to relax."

He let out a small 'hmph' noise, "I relax by riding fast."

"Riding fast it is, then," I grinned widely and shot off without giving him any warning. I was a skilled equestrian and I shot past Rose and Emmett within 5 minutes of sending my horse into a furious canter, rising and falling with the horse, feeling the wind in my hair and the breath of the wood nymphs as I flew through the forest. It was always like this, when I was riding, I went at it hard and fast, harder and faster than my father cared for me to go, but it let me breathe and let me forget. Because it was just me and the horse and the speed and the wind. And this time it was even better, because behind me, added to my soundtrack of speed and horse and wind and breath, there was Edward's roaring, hearty laughter as he chased after me on his own horse.

And for once, I didn't want to forget who I was, I didn't want to forget that I was Isabella Swan, who had lost her mother when she was thirteen, and had lost her faith and her way and her belief in her own abilities along with her mother, and was stuck with a father who didn't know how to cope without her mother, and who didn't know how to say anything or do anything that would help. Because I had Edward. And that was all that mattered.

It wasn't that I didn't love my father, I loved him more than I could possibly say, he was my father, but... I resented it. I resented all of it. It was selfish and stupid and infantile, but when I was alone in the middle of the night, I wondered 'Why'? Why me? Why did I have to lose my mother?

And I had never seen Aslan since the day of the funeral. I hadn't wanted to. Because I hated him. He was everything that Narnia was built on, and I hated him because he took my mother. And he sent me Edward so that he could take him away. And as far as I could see Aslan was pretty, well, shit. And I was meant to be Isabella Swan. How could I be Isabella Swan, be everything that Narnia needed Isabella Swan to be, to be everything that Charles Swan hadn't been able to be after Renee had died, if I hated everything that Narnia was built on?

But for once, for the first time in years, I wasn't thinking about that, I wasn't worrying about that. All I cared about was Edward riding at furious speed behind me to try and catch up with me, and Edward's laughter, and that Edward was relaxing and that both of us liked to relax by riding fast, and Edward. Just Edward. That was all I cared about.

I urged the horse on, determined to outrun Edward but as I came nearer to what appeared to be some sort of thinning of the trees he seemed to disappear from behind me. I urged the horse on, thinking that he had only fallen behind but as I entered into the clearing, a perfect little meadow with wildflowers and a sense of preserved beauty and nature, he came charging at me from the opposite direction, obviously he had known a shortcut, and as our horses came to ride past each other he reached an arm round my waist and pulled me onto his horse, kissing me furiously as the wind went through our hairs and I threaded my fingers round him, holding tight for dear life.

The horse reared up as Edward jerked the reins to make it stop, and as he had pulled me in front of him that meant that I fell even more further forward into him, our two bodies crushing into one another, every element seeming to reflect the need that I felt for him, the want that I was experiencing, that craving to hold him closer, closer and tighter than was physically possible.

We kissed deeply and broke apart breathing heavily, each of us staring into the other's eyes. And though it seemed a moment of passion, rather than rationality, Edward asked me something that seemed more rational than anything I had ever heard before.

"Marry me, Bella."

I blinked at him. Aslan, yes. I wanted nothing more than to marry him. I kissed him again. I had thought I would never hear those words, because no man would be allowed to propose to me, no man would ever be of status high enough to propose to me, but Edward had, and I loved him and I wanted him.

But that status. That small detail that meant that he was not allowed to ask for my hand in marriage. That would ruin it all.

"What?" I breathed.

"I love you, marry me."

"Edward... I... I can't, we can't..."

Yes. Aslan, yes.

I wanted to say yes. I wanted to shout yes. I wanted to scream yes. I wanted to agree to marry him so loudly that all of Narnia, all of the universe, heard me agree. But I couldn't. I couldn't betray him by agreeing to marry him, when he didn't fully know what he'd be getting into by marrying me.

"What do you mean we can't? You mean because of the differences in our status?"

"Well... yes..." Just not how you think.

"Bella – my father should be in Doorn by the day after tomorrow, I am going to tell him that I love you and only you, and if he gives me permission to marry you then we shall wed with his blessing upon our marriage despite the differences in our status and if he does not then we shall wed and start a new life without any blessing but that of love and love alone."

And if that speech had been enough to bring tears to my eyes, then what he did next caused them to spill over and trickle down my face.

He produced a ring from his pocket and I almost stopped breathing. The face was a long oval, set with slanting rows of glittering round stones. The band was gold – delicate and narrow. The gold made a fragile web around the diamonds. I'd never seen anything like it.

And then I realised that this was rational. Totally and completely rational. He had planned this, he had thought about this. He had decided to walk away from his family, from his duties for me. And I would do the same for him.

He opened my left hand and pressed it into my palm, closing my fingers around it.

"Edward-" I began, just as he said "Bella-".

We laughed and then I took a deep breath whilst he rushed on, "I love you and I want you to take the ring. Even if you don't want to marry me, I don't want anyone else ever to have it, it is yours, it will always be yours, and if I can't have you I want no other. And know, Bella, you don't just have my ring in your hand, you have me, my heart and my soul, and, because I love you and I want you to never feel below me, I want to give you... I'm giving you your freedom. You're no longer my slave, and if you don't love me then you can keep the horse and I'll give you some money and you can get a house and you can-"

"Shh," I hushed him, placing my finger on his lip, "I love you, and I want to marry you, but there are things you need to know, things I need to tell you. And I will tell you them, when I work out how, but know that I love you, and once I've told you everything I need to tell you, I'll ask you if you want to marry me, and you can decide."

"I'll want to marry you forever, Bella, no matter what you do, no matter what you tell me."

"No Edward, you'll hate me. But after I tell you, then please, do something for me. Even if you can never forgive me for those things that I shall tell you, then please, when you remember me, remember now, remember today, remember that you love me and I love you and... leave out all the rest?"

"I... I don't understand, Bella."

"You will," I said softly, tears still filling my eyes.

And we were silent for a moment, his arms round me on his horse, before our silence was interrupted by a voice.

* * *

Right, sorry but the character that I was talking about comes in on the next chapter, sorry guys, getting ahead of myself.

And the description of Bella's ring is totally Stephenie Meyers original Bella's wedding ring, doesn't belong to me =)

So... reviews? =)


	22. The Last Kiss

Apologies for the lateness, I had issues getting enough time to type it so I've been getting like 3 sentences typed a day.

Also - I've not even had time to even roughly read this over so it will be full of mistakes so please forgive them, I will go back and go over it later. If you spot any, feel free to point them out.

However, its the longest one in a while, which sort of makes up for it:L:P

EXCITING NEWS.

http:// bringontheshackles1 . blogspot .com (without the spaces)

I am now going to answer questions etc there, because I think these notes at the start here are far too long. But anyway, other than answering questions let me know what you want to see in connection with the story on it.

* * *

**Chapter 22. The Last Kiss.**

_I know you're goin', I know this is good-bye  
And I can't make you stay, no matter how I try  
But if you're leaving, please grant this one request  
And leave my heart with some happiness  
If this is the last kiss, let's make it last all night  
If this is the last time I'm ever, ever gonna hold you  
Let me hold you tight till the morning light  
If this is the last time, we'll ever be together  
Kiss me and baby give me something  
Tender to remember you by  
If I can't be with you, oh baby all my life  
The next best thing is you next to me all through the night  
Pull all the shades down, put your heart next to mine  
Tonight give me a chance to feel heaven just one more time  
And ooh if you're leaving, honey I'll set you free  
Just leave my arms this one sweet memory_

_-Meatloaf_

Even if I had not heard it before I would have known to whom that voice belonged without looking round to identify the owner. There were no words to describe it. It was everything. It was deep, strong, honest, true. It was sheer power in one word, complete understanding in every syllable. It was justice, it was mercy, it was forgiveness in one sentence. There was only one person to whom that voice could belong. Although perhaps _person_ was inappropriate.

"Eventually, Bella and Edward," Aslan stated calmly.

Edward was bolt upright on the horse, his eyes wide and mouth open. I did not turn. I stared at Edward; I could not face Aslan, a ruler that I had no faith in. And yet Edward had so much faith. I was envious, almost, of that faith, of that ability to have faith and trust in a being you had never before encountered.

"I urge you both, honesty with one another and faith in one another at all times," Aslan continued, his voice deep and steady, "And at all times to have one another. Jasper was right, Bella, you two are meant, designed, fated, for one another. You need one another. And something greater than either of you needs you two together. Faith, remember, faith. Your relationship will be tested, further than it has been before, but you must remember to have faith. Always faith."

And before either of us could ask any questions he was gone in one roar. I hadn't looked at him, I hadn't seen him. But I could feel his presence leave the meadow.

I didn't know how to feel. He told me to have faith. It was the one thing I couldn't have. I could never, never have faith. Ever. I was devoid, incapable of having faith. And I was angry. He had told me what I knew already, that Edward and I were designed for one another, we needed each other. Without him I would not be able to function.

But Aslan knew! Aslan knew who I was! He knew Edward would never want me after I was honest with him, after I told him everything. He knew! He knew! And he knew that once I was honest with Edward, which I was going to be purely because I loved him and not because Aslan had told me to be, that Edward would not have faith in me, how could he be expected to have faith in me? I would have been someone who concealed her true identity, and, in my position, that was more than lying about where you came from or who your parents were or what you worked as. It was all of that, but it was more than that. No, in my position, to conceal what you were was the same as concealing who you were. I was Isabella Swan. That was who I was.

Edward was Edward – he had no title, he could be defined by so much, by his faith, his intelligence, his family, his kindness, his warmth… He was all of that. That was what made him, being Edward alone simply didn't make Edward Edward. Everything else when it came together was what made Edward Edward. I could never have that. I was Isabella Swan. And being Isabella Swan was all that there was to being, to making, to defining Isabella Swan. To defining me.

Edward pressed his mouth back to mine, more forcefully, more urgently than before. When we broke apart he said in a hoarse whisper, his eyes glimmering with excitement, "Aslan himself has commanded us to marry, my father can not, will not, refuse. He would never refuse the will of Aslan!"

He looked so happy, so fulfilled, so eager, that it almost made me want to cry.

"Edward," I said softly, placing my hands on his face, "I am going to kiss you. I am going to kiss you because I love you and I want to kiss you, and I never want to kiss anyone but you. But this is the last time that I shall kiss you before I confess… everything. Before I confess what I need to confess to you and ask you to marry me. Because after I confess you will never want me, you will never want to kiss me again. But when I kiss you now I want you to kiss me back so that, after I confess and you no longer love me or kiss me, I can remember this. So that I can remember today, so that I can remember right now, so that I can remember you loving me, so that I can remember what it felt like when you kissed me, when you loved me."

He started to say something but I cut him off by kissing him, and he did as I asked and kissed me back.

We kissed for what could have been a second or what could have been forever, because the world seemed both to come to a complete standstill and to rush by at 100 miles an hour when we kissed.

We could have kissed for longer, I could have happily lived the rest of my life in that meadow, joined to him, but we stopped when we felt eyes on us.

Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper and Alice were all gathered on their horses at the edge of our meadow. It felt right that they should have stopped there, this felt like it was ours, as though no one else should ever be here but us, a place no one should ever enter.

We all stared at one another, Alice with a small smile and everyone else looking gobsmacked. I didn't really understand, they had walked in on us in bed together but they looked even more confused now at the fact they had watched us kiss.

"Wow, Edward," Emmett broke the silence in a voice gentle and filled with reverence that I didn't know he was capable of, "where did you learn to kiss like that?"

Edward urged our horse to make its way over to where his siblings were gathered and then I got it. That kiss had been more than any other kiss. There had been something desperate and needy about it, as though we sort of instinctively knew that we would lose one another soon, as though we thought if we kissed hard enough and long enough that it wouldn't happen, as though we thought that if we kissed now as hard as we were willing to fight for us, for our relationship, that it would in some twisted way help. And that kiss had been love and longing and passion and fire and warmth and the complete giving of our souls and hearts and very beings to one another.

Edward opened his mouth and I presumed he was going to make some witty comeback, as he had now started to join in with his brothers when they laughed and joked, rather than being sat on the sidelines, but instead he looked down at me and then announced "Bella has agreed to marry me."

Alice screamed as I choked, Emmett smiled widely and Rosalie, although she did not smile as widely as Emmett, or scream and clap as Alice did, caught my eye and gave us a small, genuine smile that, coming from Rose, was probably as equal an outpouring of joy as Alice's screams.

"Well… conditionally," I managed to splutter out after a minute or two, which made Emmett's smile falter slightly and causing Alice's almost tribal like dance that she was carrying out atop her horse, remarkably gracefully, slow down by perhaps half a notch.

"Bella has something that she wishes to '_confess_' to me that she thinks will make me stop loving her and never want to marry her," Edward explained with sarcasm, "pfft – as if that could ever happen!"

He jerked the reigns to make the horse start moving again, leading us all in the direction of home, the horse I had previously been riding following obediently behind.

_Stop it, Bella_, I scolded myself_, you can't think of his home as yours, its not, it never will be_.

It was only as I wrapped my arms around Edward and turned my face so that I was tucked snugly under his chin whilst still being able to carry on conversation, that I made eye contact with Jasper, my eyes wide, begging him to forgive me for what I had just done, and he looked back at me with eyes equally as wide, with an insane mix of fear, horror, joy, happiness, disbelief and anger. He didn't agree with what I had done, I could tell, but he knew that Edward and I loved one another, that I could never have said no.

I thought back to what Jasper had said to me about Edward and I when he found me almost dead in Edward's room, the awful day after I had said I didn't love him, "_You and he belong together Bella. Fate will go to any lengths to make what's meant to happen happen, you must see that. The changes you have caused in him and him in you. You've brought life to him I never thought he had in him, and he's brought life back to you. Your mother had died not long before I left, Is, and that broke you. He brought you back to life, Bella. I would swear before all of Narnian Court that Aslan himself had planned this, planned your union. Edward cares for Narnia and you are Isabella Swan. Together you could..." _Together we could what? And I thought of what Aslan had told us, "_You need one another. And something greater than either of you needs you two together". _Did the two of them mean…? But it couldn't be? Edward couldn't be…?

I turned my attention back to Jasper. He was scared of what would happen. Edward's father, along with my father and the search party, would return from Narnia the day after tomorrow, everything would come out, all of it. Every single detail.

And then this boy, no, this man, that I loved, that I adored, would hate me. Would never want to look at me again. I had to tell him, but I didn't want to. I would have gone on forever pretending that Isabella Swan was nothing to do with me, that she didn't exist, if I could.

But I couldn't. And no matter how hard I tried not to think of it, how much I tried to run from it, I knew that.

~*~

I lay in bed that night with my back pressed against Edward's chest, feeling my heart race and just being able to make out the beat of his. He hadn't kissed me, respecting my wishes. And I thought that would have inspired me to tell him quicker but I still hadn't told him. I still hadn't told him, and the longer I waited the harder it got.

His right hand was stroking my hair whilst his left stroked up and down m side, following the line down from the side of my breast to the valley of my waist and then back up to the rolling hill of my hip before flowing down he gentle descent of my thigh and then starting the journey again. His tongue stroked at my neck, his teeth grazing lightly against it and though I tried to stay sill I was aching to squirm and throw myself under him and demand that he do something about the wetness that was pooling between my legs and run his tongue over the hardened peaks of my breasts.

When I could no longer bear it, I tossed my head back and groaned, and that was all the encouragement Edward needed. The next second I found myself flat on my back, my naked body pinned down under his, his right hand easily holding my wrists above my head, his left hand tracing light, teasing circles on my belly, just low enough that they made my core sense them, throb even harder for them, but not low enough to fulfil it.

I loved and hated him for it. It seemed impossible that in such a short space of time this beautiful creature, whom I did not deserve, had worked out every single detail of my body and its responses. But he had. And I now knew his body, as though I had always known it. At first it had been sweet, he had been gentle with me, but now it had evolved. This was no longer sweet and gentle, it was dirty and rugged and real. It wasn't two first time lovers, it was a man and a woman joining in everything that they were, not caring how they looked or how sweaty they were, just wanting the other in an almost animal like way.

He was the master and commander, my body the all to eager ship, loving the way he held and turned my wheel, knowing exactly at which moment to drop the sails so that the wind caught me best, acutely aware of when to drop the anchor.

And I knew what he wanted, the slight shift in his expressions or tones alerting me to whether or not I was to be the wild, untameable boat caught in a storm, or the well heeled cruise ship, running smoothly; knowing if this was a time for a long distance voyage, a short channel crossing or if this was a race where we were the only competitors, determined to beat our own records over and over again.

We were perfect together, in every single way. Our union would terrify any of the seven seas; chase away any kind of pirates. And that was what I had to remember, that we were perfect, that no one stood a chance against us, that together we could win any battle, that my father and all of Narnia would not, could not keep us apart. The only part I had to worry about what the together, after I confessed to Edward, he would probably jump ship.

But no, now was not the time to tell him, I decided, as Edward finally sank one finger into me before trailing it lightly up from between my inner folds to my clit, which already felt as though it had a lightening charge in it, so that the wetness that was oozing out, sticky and thick between my legs, was now coating my bud and his finger, which he ran over my clit in small, teasing circles, causing me to want to both buck up from the bed to meet his hand and to press myself as far down as possible into the mattress at the same time to escape him.

My body seemed to compromise by alternatively doing both. Edward chuckled.

"Do you want me, my darling?" he muttered, low and dangerous and seductive in my ear.

"Yes, Edward! Please?"

I was asking, pleading with him. He smiled and continued to rub my clit, enough that I could feel him, be aroused by him, but not enough to send me anywhere near the edge.

"I'm trying to decide whether or not I should respect you as a lady and wait until we are married before I take you again, as you are now no longer my slave and not mine to take, but you, your body, your dripping wet cunt, you offer me to you and, well, Bella, I'm not convinced that I have the strength to stay away from you."

"Then don't," I gasped out, my body bucking up particularly wildly. I was losing control here. He did that to me. "I was never truly your slave, Edward-" I began, but he cut across me.

"You're right my darling, your right, of course. From the first moment I saw you I was yours. Bring on the shackles, I'm your prisoner, you have the power over me. I was the prey and you're the huntress. Magnificent huntress. But, my Bella, when it comes to here and now, I think we'll find that I'm the one pinning you down, I am the one making you beg, I am the one who is in control."

And without laying a finger on me, purely through his words, his acknowledgement of his power, Edward managed to make me wetter and more frustrated than ever before.

"Yes, Edward!" I almost screamed, "You're the one in control! You're in charge! I'm under you! Please, I'm begging you!"

"Well, that's more like it," Edward smiled, finally sinking two fingers fully into me and thrusting in and out, "Aslan's mane Bella, you're so wet. Always so wet. Who are you wet for?"

"You, Edward. Always you," I gasped.

"That's right love, this wetness, its mine," he agreed, removing his fingers and burying his face in between my legs instead, inhaling, breathing me in. "Who does this belong to Bella?" he commanded me to answer, sharply, his tongue flicking lightly over me.

Enough talking, Edward, take me now. But I couldn't say that, it would have led to more teasing, more than I could handle. It was ironic; he had wanted me to learn obedience with his beatings. I had learnt obedience through his teasing.

"You, Edward."

"Well done, who does this sweet, tight, wet cunt belong to?"

"You, Edward," I repeated, whimpering now as his tongue teased me lightly around my entrance.

"Very good. This pussy of yours," he said, stopping his tongue movement and sitting back to cup my entire cunt in his hand, "is mine. Purely mine, only mine. Do you understand that Bella? Its not yours anymore, its mine. You will only touch it if I allow it, it is my property."

He squeezed my mound tightly, holding it all easily in one of his huge hands before releasing it and going down to blow on my clit again.

I squirmed and he laughed.

"So eager Bella, so eager. How much do you want me?"

"So much, Edward, too much," I gasped and writhed, "Please?"

"You can never want me too much Bella. Where do you want me?"

"In me, I want you in me, please, Edward."

"Hmm maybe," he positioned himself above me and I bucked up wildly, trying to make him slip in to me.

"I suppose, since we're engaged, that we're really as good as married," he mused. He was rock hard and I didn't know how he'd waited this long with this much composure. I was soaking wet, writhing on the bed, an animal, desperate for him.

"Please Edward, plea-"

My last please was cut off as he entered me, as I gasped and moaned at the same time. I loved how he felt inside of me, I loved that this was us physically as joined as we could be.

He moved quickly, brining me almost to the edge before he threw my legs over his shoulders.

"EDWARD!" I screamed out as I came, completely and utterly overwhelmed by the sensations of him inside me, and a few seconds later he grunted out my name and we collapsed together, a heap of exhausted bones and tired joints, our breathing quick and shallow.

"I love you, Bella," he smiled and kissed my cheek, folding me into his arms.

"I love you too Edward," I whispered back, my lips aching for him, but knowing that I had had my last kiss.

* * *

So I hope I did Aslan justice to all you Narnia fans. And if anyone hasn't seen any Narnia films, please youtube Aslan's voice, its kind of amazing.

So the lemon was there because people think there's not been enough sex recently:L Perverts! Haha, kidding, but I thought I'd been weighing you down with a lot of plot anyway so it was some sort of light relief. Kind of.

So... reviews? :)


	23. Interlude

bringontheshackles1 . blogspot . com (without the spaces) please go there!

=)

* * *

Chapter 23. Interlude.

_**There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.  
**__**Erma Bombeck**_

"You still haven't told him?!" Jasper's voice echoed round he and Alice's chambers.

"Well it's not that easy a thing to bring up!" I snapped, throwing my hands up in the air, "yes Edward I just sort of forgot to tell you that, oh, I'm actually Isabella Swan!"

"In the name of Aslan, Is!" he thundered, utterly disgusted with me, flinging himself down on the sofa at the end of he and Alice's bed.

Jasper had asked me for a word in private after breakfast that morning and I had followed him, somewhat in trepidation, to his room. I had known this would be what he wanted to talk about. Or less talk about and more have a huge shouting match about.

"I have one more day," I countered, and Jasper whipped his head up so quickly I was surprised it stayed attached to his neck.

"You have been here for," he paused and counted on his fingers, "3 weeks and 5 days. 26 days, Is! If you haven't told him by now I'd say you're running out of time!"

"I know I am!" I shouted, "But it's hard! And for every second that goes by it just gets harder!"

"You need to tell him now! Today! Is, you don't seem to understand, you need to tell him so that we can make a plan, work out a story! If the truth comes out we'll probably all end up in prison! And so help me I swear in the name of Aslan I will never, ever forgive you if Alice gets hurt because you can't pluck up the courage to tell Edward your full name!"

"How dare you!" I screeched, "it's that simple is it- just telling him my full name?! And as for never, ever forgive me!? You knew, Jasper! You knew the whole time! You could have told him, told everyone, if you were that bloody worried!"

Jasper sprang to his feet and for a second my stomach turned to ice as he advanced on me, looking angry enough to slap me.

"How dare I? How dare you?!" He stood right in front of my, our faces less than an inch from one another's. "You asked me to tell no one, so I kept my mouth shut, for you! I never thought it would end up in this situation, that there would be a search party arriving from Narnia, an outbreak of war on the horizon, and you still wouldn't have told Edward! I thought you had grown up a bit since you came here! Aslan as my witness I always loved you but you were a spoilt, whiney, self centered brat and I thought that had changed! But it hasn't! And I sat back and let this happen! I could kick myself! Know what your problem is, Is? You weren't spanked enough as a child. Or you just weren't spanked, period! If Carlisle were here now I swear even he would lose patience with you and you'd be over his bloody lap in no time like the bloody child you're insisting on acting like!"

"Don't you bring Carlisle into this; he's nothing to do with any of this!" I screamed at Jasper, realizing that this temper tantrum I was throwing was only proving his point. But Jasper didn't even seem to notice that I'd spoken, he just kept snapping, pacing up and down the floor and throwing his hands in the air.

"I really, really hope that when you tell Edward about this his reaction is to put you straight over his knee and give you the spanking of a lifetime! And, know what else; I kept my mouth shut for Edward, too! Because I love him as a brother and I thought that he deserved better than to hear it from me! And you love him to so, if for the sake of nothing else other than that of a person we both love's, at least agree with me on that point - that he deserves better than that!'

I bit my lip. He was right, of course he was right. Though personally if Edward wanted to put me over his lap and assert his authority over me, I didn't have too much of a problem with that. I looked at the floor, "You're right Jasper, I'm sorry, I just... I'm sorry I said what I did, that was out of line."

Jasper exhaled loudly through his nose.

"I'll go ask Edward to spank me now if you want? Or you could, if you think its..."

Not that the second option would be anywhere near as enjoyable. Though, if Edward did find out everything and decided to spank me for it, I wasn't actually 100% convinced I would be enjoying it.

"I'd hardly say that would be appropriate," Jasper sniffed, "though if I were Edward you wouldn't have to ask me to spank you, you'd find yourself upended before you'd even finished talking."

I had nothing to say to that, the more I thought about Edward reacting to what I told him the more I wished that I wasn't Isabella Swan.

But I was. And Edward deserved more than what I was giving him.

"You're right of course, we need a story. I won't have any of you in any trouble but I want that slave trader, Gliftin, brought to justice."

"It's about time something was done about him," Jasper concurred, though in a snippy voice to make sure I knew that all was not forgiven.

"I have been thinking," I began slowly, "that I could say I left the ship early because I remembered that you had married a girl from Doorn and I wanted to give you a surprise visit, you know, my old Narnian friend Jasper, but that I was not 100% sure of the way, so I got lost. We have to work out how many days there were between me arriving here and the men being called to Narnia, and then we'll say that I was lost for that amount of days and that Gliftin found me wandering in the woods, then captured me and took me off to market as a slave."

Jasper slowly sat back down on the sofa.

"Yes, not too bad. And then we can say that Emmett recognized you and brought you here anyway."

"Jasper, I've had enough surprises in this place what with you turning up and me not recognizing you and finding that I'm in love with some person that I can't be with and what not, so please don't tell me that I've actually known Emmett all along and have managed to forget him, I mean, really, you'd think that man was half giant-how could anyone forget him?!"

"No, but Emmett was at your mother's funeral. Not that the two of you spoke, but we could pretend that he spent the entire funeral doing something other than stare at Rosalie."

"Emmett was at my mother's funeral?"

"Yes, but he was somewhere near the back, not with his mother and father. Alice and Edward were deemed too young to attend such an event. It was only Em and Rose, who were newly married at the time."

"I see."

So that meant that Edward's mother and father had been somewhere near the front at the funeral. I still couldn't think, couldn't place who they could be.

If Alice and Jasper had been married for three years, then that meant that, if Edward's father's status as a Lord had come through Jasper, then they wouldn't have been at my mother's funeral. But they had been. They had been somewhere near the front at my mother's funeral, which had taken place before Alice and Jasper's marriage, had taken place four years ago. Four. Which meant that Edward's father must have his status as a lord by his own means…

But I had never been introduced to Edward. Never. No Lord would have not introduced me to their son, they usually threw them at me.

So his father must be a fairly lowly Lord, if he didn't think his son would be good enough to even offer me.

I ran through the lists of Lords in my head, but still, I had no clue.

"Well this plan sounds almost feasible. We'll just have to run it by everyone, after you tell Edward."

"Yeah, the only thing is-"

"Alice," Jasper said, his voice deadpan as he began running his hands through his shaggy blond hair.

"Alice? No, I was going to say Jessica, see, she was captured at the same time as me and brought by Mike Newton, we need to make sure nobody hears her story before ours, we need to make sure I get to tell her our story before she talks to anyone."

Jasper let out a strangled 'argh' noise.

"Well, no matter what story we tell there's still going to be a problem with getting the message to Jessica before she screws everything up."

"No, its not that, well, it is that, to an extent, it's just… Alice…" he trailed off without explaining.

"I'm sorry Jasper but I fail to see the issue?

Alice was a good liar, I remembered her telling Edward that we hadn't gone outside and I hadn't left my corner on one of the first days I had been there. She hadn't batted an eyelid; she had almost convinced me of that fact. Though Edward had chosen to believe Rosalie anyway and I had blurted the truth out anyway 10 seconds later. But he knew her, these people would not. They would be convinced by anything she said.

"I've never kept anything from Alice. In three years of marriage… See, the thing is Bella; I mucked everything up a hundred times for Alice and I before I finally got it together. And I've never kept anything from her since. She just… she turned my life. I took her hand and for the first time in ages I felt hope. Hope for something, for anything. Hope that things could be better. I just look at her and I know what she feels, what she thinks. I know how much she loves me. And I'm doing this to her…"

"Oh…" I said, unhelpfully.

"I may as well get acquainted with this sofa, I have a feeling I'll be sleeping on it for the next ten years or so."

And even though it was technically my fault, and even though Jasper looked so dejected and sad, I couldn't help it, I had to laugh.

He looked up at me, indignantly, but I couldn't stop and, after a while of trying to hold his serious face he gave n and laughed with me.

The last time I'd be in harmony with anyone for a while.

* * *

So, next chapter onwards - the shit hits the fan.

Chapter 24 - Confessions. New character turns up. Jacob comes back.

Chapter 25 - Identity. See blog, if you can't guess from the title.

So if you want those chapters I want reviews:P =) pretty please?


	24. Confessions

I wrote the end of this chapter before anything else in this story was written. I hope you guys don't hate it.

* * *

Chapter 24. Confessions.

_**Between lovers a little confession is a dangerous thing.  
Helen Rowland**_

"Edward, I need to talk to you," I began at breakfast the next morning as I sat on his lap and we shared toast. I had meant to tell him the night before, I truly had, but the words just wouldn't come. I didn't know what to say. And Edward was just so in love with the idea of us getting married, of us being together on that other level, that I couldn't do it. I couldn't take that look off his face. I couldn't let him know I'd betrayed him.

If Edward married me he'd have responsibilities, obligations that didn't come with a normal marriage. He hadn't planned for that, that wasn't what he'd wanted to get himself into. And, even if he loved me enough to want to marry me despite the responsibilities, would he be able to want to marry me despite me? Despite the fact I'd hidden it from him?

"Well if you want a bit more of last night you'll need to wait, I am riding to town to pick up a few things for my father's homecoming ball. Which shall also be the ball that we announce our engagement at," he smiled, pushing a strand of my hair back.

"Right Bella, I'm borrowing my brother now," Emmett announced loudly.

Aslan damn him!

"This is this nonsense thing that you think you're going to tell me that's going to stop me wanting to marry you?" Edward said tiredly.

"But Edward its-"

"Listen, my darling, it can wait. No matter what you tell me, nothing will change. I will always love you, I will always want you. And it's a well known fact that I am always right." He gave me his crooked smile before slapping my backside, "Now, my love, up!"

I stood up, wrapping my arms around him and burying my face in his broad chest.

"Promise you'll let me tell you before you announce things though, remember we're not officially engaged till I confess to you and then ask you if you still want to marry me."

"Confess! What a word Bella! I'm not a priest! But yes I remember your silly conditions."

"I'm serious Edward! Make sure you get me to tell me before I meet your father."

Before you go ruining your relationship with your parents by telling them that you intend to marry someone who you thought was a slave just to find out that she's not a slave at all, and not just because you freed her.

"Right Bella, if Alice lets you out in time you can have my undivided attention to tell me whatever this is that you need to tell me."

"If Alice finishes with me?"

It was only then that I turned to look at Alice and realized that she was staring at me with a look in her eye that I did not quite trust.

"It's going to be so much fun, Bella!"

I jerked my head back round to Edward.

"It'll be fine Bella," he soothed, kissing my nose.

"And Rose is going to help too!" Alice chirruped.

"I am not helping, I am there purely to reign you in," Rose said disdainfully.

"Because Alice'll need reigning in," Emmett laughed, good naturedly.

"I'll be careful, I won't go overboard," Alice pouted.

Jasper reached down from behind her and stole a quick kiss before straightening up again to glare at me.

"I'll make sure Alice finishes in plenty of time."

His tone caused the others to look between he and I, confused. I glared back at him; nobody had warned me that Edward would be gone for the majority of the morning!

Emmett grabbed Edward and pulled him out the door, laughing at him as he turned to look at me one more time before we left.

"I love you Bella, I promise you that, no matter what you tell me, I always will love you."

"I love you too, Edward, please remember that?"

Emmett thought the contrast in Edward before me and after me was less miraculous and more hilarious, and usually made some stupid comment but there was something in my tone holding him back. His laugh faltered for a moment as he turned his eyes on me, though he remained silent.

Jasper kissed Alice lightly on the forehead, one last time, before following his brothers. I stopped glaring and lowered my eyes to the floor. Technically this was my fault; I had no right to glare.

"So, Bella," Alice turned to me now that the men had gone, "I think what we're going here is a dignified yet modest look. Simple but elegant. Sophisticated yet wholesome."

"Err…" I supplied. Exactly what dignified yet modest constituted in Alice's world I didn't know.

"I'm thinking of putting your hair into a low chignon, but a loose one not a tightly scraped back one, with a few strands of hair around your face. Just a dusting of powder, flawless face but not obviously made up," she babbled away.

Well, at least I knew what a chignon was. I wore them all the time at home. But Cleo didn't leave hair round my face; she braided the shorter bits at the front so that they came back into the chignon. Narnian hairstyle with a Lone Island twist. The best of both. If only my life could mirror the compromise. It would. I was determined. I didn't care what anyone said, I would marry Edward. If he would have me.

"Dress wise, something plain but elegant. Low enough to show your collarbones but not low enough to be suggestive. Elbow length sleeves. Possibly mint green, you seem to suit green. In fact," she snapped her fingers," I have just the thing! To my room! Now!"

As we walked along to Alice's room she continued to witter on about things that my mind was too preoccupied to care about, rouge and kohl, sparkly hair pins versus snoods. What was I going to tell Edward? How would he react?

My head was spinning as she sat me down and started to comb, twist and pin my hair. At least I was used to this, having my hair and make up done, being dressed. I didn't have to think about it. But when Cleo did my hair and make up, it could take hours, depending on the occasion. And I didn't have hours. I had confessions to make, apologies, I had begging to do. I tried to run over what I should say.

'You see, Edward, the thing is that I'm Isabella Swan.' No, couldn't be that casual.

'Edward, I'm really, really sorry but I lied about who I actually am.' It wasn't good but it was a possibility.

'Edward, I need to talk to you. I need to apologize. I need to apologize and beg your forgiveness, which I don't deserve-'. No. I needed to get to the point a bit sooner.

'Edward, I'm sorry I didn't share this earlier but the fact is I'm actually Isabella Swan.' Maybe?

I ran over and over in my head what to say, but I couldn't decide. I had a million options but I didn't like any of them. And when it came to it I used none of them. I looked respectable. I looked somewhere in between Narnian and Lone Islandish. My hair was losely back, my dress was everything Alice had said it would be. The green of it brought out the tiny green flecks in my brown eyes. Out of sheer nervousness I was holding myself perfectly, my posture had never been better. But I had tried. Despite the fact I knew I looked good, which usually gave me some sort of confidence, it still hadn't come. I had tried, I swear I had tried. But it just wouldn't. Despite the fact Jasper made sure they came back early I ended up running after Edward down a corridor that afternoon without having told him anything, and he was fed up with me asking him to stop and then there being no point in the stopping.

"Edward, it can't wait!"

"We don't have time, love, my father will be arriving soon, you can tell me after I've presented you to him, okay?" and then he patted my on the head, grabbed my hand and started to pull me down towards the entrance hall, where the rest of his siblings were already gathered.

"No, Edward, not alright! I need to tell you now!" I was almost crying, out of a mixture of disgust with myself that I had not upped the courage to tell him before now and the fact that this was it; this was the moment where I would lose him forever.

He stopped dragging me for a moment, his eyes full of concern at the tone of my voice.

"What is it, Bella?" he asked me gently.

"Well it's... Uh... See, the thing is..."

"Oh for goodness sake!" he was losing his patience, and I couldn't blame him, "My father and the Narnian men will be here soon, we need to be ready, prepared to greet them!"

He started pulling me along again until we were in the entrance hall, standing together beside his siblings.

I tried to avoid Jasper, kept trying to spit the whole thing out to Edward, all the while feeling Jasper's icy glare on my head, trying to get me to look at him, trying to ask me, trying to confirm things. Jasper was furious with me, I was furious with me. How had I done this? How had it gone this far? I hadn't meant it to; I hadn't ever meant it to. Aslan, save me, I'd do anything, anything for one more chance. Please, I begged, please, let me start it again, I wouldn't fuck it up, not this time I wouldn't! But there was no point asking for things like that, they were impossibilities, it could never happen. No matter how tightly I shut my eyes, screwed up my face, when I opened them the scene in front of me had not changed, Edward was still looking at me, obviously concerned for the way in which I was alternatively shaking and nodding my head, opening and closing my eyes.

And Jasper was staring.

And Alice was staring.

And Emmett was looking confused.

And Rose looked pissed.

It was too much, I was trying, I swear it, I was trying, I was trying my best, trying my hardest. But it wouldn't come. And they stood in silence staring at me and then it was all broken, there was no more silence, it was broken, and Edward would be told, and that was broken, and because that was broken, my heart was broken. And because my heart was broken, I was broken.

"You still haven't told him, have you?" Jasper roared.

"Told me what?" Edward snapped, his head whipping between Jasper and I.

"In the name of Aslan, Is!"

"Is what?" Alice asked, as confused as Edward.

"Not is anything, she is Is!"

"She is what?"

"She's Is! She's Is-"

"Shut up Jasper, shut up," I screamed, "It's not for you to tell!"

"Because you're making a real good job of it!" he shouted at me, and I cringed.

"I know! I know I've mucked everything up! I know it's my fault, but the thing is..." I trailed off again.

"I made sure we were back early!"

"I know but…"

"Well, everyone, the thing is that Bella here has something to tell you all!" he hissed.

"Well, Bells, spit it out," Emmett threw in, slightly bewildered.

"I'm trying!"

"You're not trying hard enough!"

"Jasper stop shouting at Bella!" Alice screamed at her husband.

"Yeah Jasper stop shouting at Bella," a new voice joined in.

I whipped round at the same time as Edward, "Jake!"

"Bella!" He grinned at me, mimicking my tone.

"Jacob," Jasper snapped in acknowledgement.

"Jas," he grinned back, showing all of his white teeth.

"Jacob," Edward nodded curtly, his eyes dancing between Jasper and I, alight with what was becoming a smoldering fury.

"Edward."

"Who is this and how the hell do you all know him?!" Alice yelped, looking between all three of us.

"Jacob is Bella's centaur friend from Narnia," Edward said slowly, icily, his voice stark contrast to his smoking eyes, "Though how he and Jasper know each other I'm not entirely sure."

"Well the thing is," Jasper spat, "Bella and I are not total strangers."

"Yes and you know each other well enough to have secrets that I'm not included in when we are meant to be engaged!" Edward shouted, all attempts at feigning calm gone.

"What the hell, Bella? You got engaged? Aslan's mane, your dad's going to have a field day! He'll be so ha-"

"Well we're not engaged until I tell him... Stuff... And then he probably won't want to marry me anyway!"

"Aslan, Bella I-" began Jacob, as Jasper tried to talk over him, but Emmett outdid them both.

"WHAT IN THE NAME OF ASLAN IS GOING ON HERE?!"

Jasper, Jake and I looked at one another.

"Well you see, the thing is..."

"Bella is, well, sort of..."

"Not who she says she is."

"Actually, I was going to say she's in love with Edward, thought maybe that was a better place to start."

"Yeah and the thing is that I didn't exactly plan to fall in love with him so I kind of-"

"Never bothered telling him-"

"That the thing is that I'm-"

"See, Bella's-"

"Like-"

"Err"

"Um"

"She's sort of like"

"Kind of"

"You know"

"Umm"

"How would you put it?"

"Well maybe the best way would be to say that…"

"Ehh..."

"Umm..."

"Well..."

And we continued on in the vein or "err", "umm" and "ehh", none of us able to spit it out, when a new voice entered the conversation.

"Bella?"

And the silence that had been broken returned. Returned so tensely that you could have cut it with a sword.

I turned slowly, unable to comprehend.

"Carlisle?"

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	25. Identity

Chapter 25. Identity.

**"To Love And Win Is The Best Thing.**

**To Love And Lose The Next Best."**

**-William M Thackery**

That was it. It was too much. One minute I was staring in dumfounded amazement at the man who had always been like my second father and the next I was in his arms, crying my eyes out like a child and blubbering uncomprehendible sentences.

"Shh, Bella, shh," Carlisle coaxed me as he squeezed me tightly, his hand rubbing my back. And thank Aslan he was here. Carlisle always made everything alright, made everything better.

"Carlisle, its just, its been, its like," I hiccuped as my crying eventually subsided.

"I know Bella, I know, it must have been terrible for you being kidnapped but thank Aslan you came here and found Edward and Jasper and Emmett. Oh, my darling, how did you escape, what happened?"

And he was worried about me, cared for me and then, forgetting about the entire cover story Jasper and I had agreed on I managed to ruin it. As always.

I blinked up at him "Kidnapped?"

He looked down at me, seeing right through me, the way a parent always sees through their own child, his voice became stern, "Well if you weren't kidnapped then exactly where have you been for the past three weeks? I've been worried sick! Esme's been up at night, unable to sleep she's been so worried!"

I bit my lip as he took me by the shoulders, "Emm..." I managed.

"Bella" he said my name slowly, using his voice rather than words to let me know exactly how angry he was with me, "I think you've got some explaining to do here."

"Its my fault Carlisle," Jasper interjected as I opened and closed my mouth, "I should have made her tell."

"Don't blame him," I started crying again, Aslan help me why couldn't I face up to it and stop crying, "He tried! Its my fault, not Jasper's, he tried!"

"He tried what?" Edward joined the conversation.

"He tried to make me tell you who I am, who I actually am."

"Wait! Edward doesn't know who you are? Exactly what is going on here?!" Carlisle bellowed. I had never heard him shout, and it scared me.

"Emm, the thing is, Carlisle, I got off the boat with Jess and we got taken by this slave trader and sold and that's how I ended up here and-"

"Wait, Jess is here too?" Carlisle asked, looking around.

"Not exactly," I stammered, "She's at the Newtons."

"Do they know?"

"Well no, I mean, Jess tried but he thought that she was lying..."

"And why didn't you tell everyone where you where, you had Jasper here to vouch for you?"

"I... I don't really have an excuse..." I hung my head, not meeting anyone's eyes.

"Bella! There are 100 men including your father on my front lawn about to declare war and you didn't tell anyone! Did it amuse you? Did you find it funny? And will someone please explain why you were hanging onto Edward's arm when I entered if he doesn't know who you are?"

"He knows me as Bella..."

"Didn't you think how inappropriate that was? Has anyone seen you two together?"

"We went to the market..."

"Bella what were you thinking?! Explain to me! What was going through your head?!"

"I don't know..." My voice had become exceptionally small.

"Right, I don't have time for this. We'll send someone to the Newtons for Jessica, and you will just need to take Edward's arm as you go out announced by Jacob to make it look as though you are officially courting. If anyone asks-"

"Bella and I had a plan to say that she was taken by Gliftin, and that Emmett recognised her and brought her here for sanctury," Jasper told Carlisle.

"Very well, we'll go with that. Alice, take Bella upstairs and dress her in your finest. Make sure she looks less like Bella and more like Isabella when she returns. Jasper, go with them to make sure she has a male escort with her, we may as well start doing things properly now, since I dread to think what's gone on before now in this house."

Alice turned to go to her room in complete silence, and I followed without looking at anyone, Japser trailing behind us.

"Jasper, explain what's going on," Alice said quietly, the minute we had entered their room.

He opened his mouth but I interuppted.

"It's my fault, Alice, really."

"I want Jasper to explain."

"But its my fault, Jasper was being a gentleman and doing what I wished because I couldn't go through with telling you that Bella is my nickname, that Bella is only short for Isabella."

Her eyes widened.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"I just don't get it, why didn't you just tell us. And why did you," she turned to Jasper, "Why did you keep it from me? You promised Jasper, you promised to be honest, to share everything with me when we got married and you kept it from me." She was half screaming and half sobbing. Great. This was all my fault. This was the worst possible scenario I'd imagined. I'd tried to avoid this by putting it off for as long as possible, but, of course, it had caught up with me. It always would. This was all my fault. And Edward? In the best scenario he would be furious with me. In the worst... I didn't want to think about the worst.

"It's not that easy Alice," he said, his voice low and level, "I get that now. I thought it would be easy to do and I told Bella to tell you all a million times because I thought it was simple. But its not, I realise that now. I realised that when I tried to tell you all about it there. I realised that I couldn't take the happiness away, that it's hard to pull the rug from under everybody's feet. Before it came to it all I could think of was the trouble we'd be in, the trouble I'd get you in, if it all came out, so I wanted her to tell everyone so that we could make a plan, come up with a cover story. But then when it came to it and she hadn't told you and I was going to, I got it, I just suddenly got it. For one thing, I've never seen you as happy as you've been since you and Is became friends, I know you love me and I love you and that makes you happy but she just brought you pure friendship, and it made you happier still, and I didn't want to change that. And for another, Edward's unrecognisable from what he was, from who he was before, his looks, his attitude, his demeanour, he's just so... changed. For the better. And I didn't want to jepordise that. And Is loves him, and he loves her. And she didn't want to jeprodise that. She fits here, she didn't want to tell you anything that would change that. And neither did I. Is," he turned to me, "I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry that I thought it would be that easy."

"No, Jasper, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't just spit it out. And, Alice, please, please don't blame Jasper. This isn't his fault, it's all mine, it's always all mine, you should know that by now."

She managed a weak smile.

"Honestly though, Bella, I just, I never got it," Jasper said, rubbing his forehead.

"Why didn't you tell, Bella? And I know you have a reason, no matter what you told my father?"

"Like Jasper says, Alice, I love him. I love Edward, more than I could possibly explain. The exact minute I fell in love with him was my first night here, when he commanded me to strip naked and sleep in the corner. I'd never been spoken to like that, never. It was different, and it was as though I was made to spend my life with him having power over me. And if I told then he'd be weird, and he wouldn't have power, and I just... I love him for who he is, for who he truly is. They say you should never judge a man by the way he treats his equals, but rather by the way he treats those beneath him. He thought I was beneath him. And so I judged, and I judged to find that I love. And I love therefore I find that I can't ruin things, that I can't tell him something that would make him treat me differently."

"Oh... Bella..." she looked at me, her eyes huge, "I understand. But he loves you to. He loves you."

"He loves Bella. And I spend a lot more of my time being Isabella."

"I suppose... We should dress you," she added quickly, and I realised that she was covering up the fact that if we spoke about this for too long then she would start crying again.

She pulled the silvery blue dress out of her wardrobe, the one she'd declared she couldn't wear to her own anniversary ball because it would be 'insulting' to the Narnian Court. Ironic.

Jasper went to wait outside whilst I changed.

"Alice, I can't, that's your favourite."

"Put it on, you'll look beautiful in it, Bella. And you'll look like Bella looking beautiful to me, not like Isabella, like someone else. And if I know my twin, he'll see it my way too."

"You think so?"

"I know so."

"I don't. I don't know anything. I'm not sure of anything, Alice, I'm terrified I'm going to lose him."

"Bella-you could never loose Edward. Sure he might go for a walk every now and again, but you'll always find one another again. I can tell when you look at each other. You'll always find one another, you'll always find yourselves in each other and you'll never be able to resist the pull to each other."

"I hope you're right Alice, I hope you're right."

She reached over to pin back the few lose hairs at the front of my face but I waved her hand away.

"Don't, leave it the way it is, half Narnian, half Lone Isalandish."

She smiled at me.

"Compromise between the two?"

"Let's just hope they're both willing to compromise."

"You will be Bella, he will be too."

"I'd give it up if I could, I'd walk away if I could, if it meant Edward."

"I know Bella."

"I just hope he knows," I sighed as we walked back towards the entrance hall, Jasper beside us.

"He does Bella. He might forget it for a while, but he does," Alice squeezed my hand as we descended the stairs.

I couldn't look at Edward.

"Well," Carlisle sighed, "at least you look acceptable now. Aslan, I'll be the laughing stock! You'd better get out there, I think people have been worried about you for long enough. Put your arm on Edward's so that people won't gossip about the fact they've seen you together in public."

I still couldn't look at Edward as I placed my arm on his.

"Are you really who I think you are?" His voice sounded odd and as I looked up I realised I had done exactly what I thought I'd do, I'd lost him. His eyes, his expressive, fiery emerald eyes were back to the way they had been at first, when we had first met, his face was blank, his voice had no tone, his eyes were emotionless. He hadn't just forgotten, lost it for a while like Alice said, he had left me, mind, body, spirit and soul. "Are you Isabella-"

His voice was droned out by Jacob who had gone out ahead to announce me, "Make way! Make way for Her Royal Highness the Princess Isabella Swan, future High Queen of Narnia and Empress of the Lone Islands."

"Yeah," I whispered, my eyes locked with his, "I guess I'm that."

"Then I apologise for the way I have mistreated you, my Princess."

And then he bowed. In a gesture so unnatural to my dominant, powerful lion, he bowed. Aslan I hated it. Why did I have to go through this? Why me? Why couldn't I fall in love like a normal person! Why couldn't I be anyone other than who I was! Did all love come with this level of drama? Impossible. It had to be impossible, otherwise no one would live. No one could live if they lived with this agony all the time. And I had heard it called a bittersweet agony and a sweet agony, but it was neither. There was nothing sweet about it. It was just an agony.

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	26. Duties

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**Chapter 26. Duties.**

"**But I have another duty – to my heart."**

**-Mulan.**

I looked out over the crowd.

Focus, Isabella, don't cry, I coached myself. The men bowed low and the woman curtseyed and my father came as close to running towards me as he could without losing his dignity. And I tried to remain standing upright.

"Bells, I've been so worried," he panted at me, pulling me into his arms.

If this had been inside I would have cried, but it wasn't inside. This was in public, and I had duties. Duties to control myself and be a dignified representative of my country and my people.

"Father," I acknowledged him as he let me go, "May I introduce-"

"Lord Edward Cullen," my father nodded, grasping Edward's hand, "Carlisle's boy, know you anywhere."

I turned to Edward. I didn't understand how I hadn't realised it before. Edward really could only be Carlisle's son. They didn't look anything alike. None of the family did, for whatever reason. There were no similarities at all between them, but they all had that same exquisite beauty that could only be bred in one family. That level of physical beauty would be impossible for anyone else to reproduce. I was so stupid. So insanely stupid!

"My King," Edward replied, the same level of formality in his voice as mine. Was that because he felt as I did, that although we had to be formal his insides were in turmoil and putting a face on it was the only way to cope? Or was it because he was back to Edward as I had first known him, before he became mine? Before he was My Edward.

I didn't know. I didn't want to know.

"I think we should go inside," Carlisle's even, calm tones said quietly from behind us as the crowd's cheering began slowly to subside, "I shall make announcements as to where Bella has been etc."

"And where exactly have you been?" My father asked, the relief on his face being over shown by a gentle curiosity for the first time since he had seen me.

"Err, well, the thing is," I began, squirming again. Not because of my father, my father had never particularly made me squirm, in fact I could play him anyway that I wanted, but because I could feel Edward's eyes boring into me, looking at me properly for the first time since we had come out here.

He wanted to know if I would lie or not.

I turned but as soon as I did so he was looking blankly and emotionlessly into the distance. That indifference and the fact that I knew I had hurt him hurt me more than anything else. More than Jasper and Alice's arguments that were because of me, more than the knowledge of how much I'd worried Carlisle and Esme with my little stunt, more than how I'd worried my father, more than the fact I'd almost caused a war. I cared more about how I affected Edward than I did about how I affected the whole of Narnia. And I knew that that was wrong, that that was selfish and that it wasn't how the future queen should feel about any of this, but I couldn't help it. He was my priority. He always had been, he was would be. From the moment I had met him he had been the foremost factor of my life. I had known, from that first night that he was it; he was my ultimate, my everything.

And it hurt more than any punishment that anyone would ever inflict on me for it. In fact, right now, his punishment was all that I wanted from Edward. I wanted him to carry this charade of formality on out here and then I wanted him to grab me by my arm, march me to his room and then toss me across his lap and set my backside on fire as soon as we got inside. Because if he did I would have paid for what I did to him and that would sort of make it ok. Sort of.

But Edward didn't care enough about me anymore to punish me, to correct me. Edward just didn't care anymore at all. Because I had hurt him and betrayed him and I knew I didn't deserve him but I'd lost him. I'd lost him and that broke me. Surely, no matter how bad a thing I had done, I couldn't deserve this? No one could deserve this. And surely this Edward who didn't care, who didn't love me, surely that had to be a face? It had to be? He couldn't have felt what I did and then stop caring. Edward could have told me that he was a bloody living personification of the devil Tash and still I would have been unable to stop loving him. I loved him in everything that he was. Surely, after these weeks, he must feel that too?

We turned back into Carlisle's home and as soon as we got in Edward released my arm and Esme flew at me, wrapping me in her arms.

"Bella, oh, Bella!" she sobbed at me, "I've been so worried, you've no idea, I thought..."

I was fed up of this, of people crying and being worried. I was fed up of doing exactly what I had always wanted with no one questioning me. I wanted anger, I wanted punishment. Because maybe if I was punished then Edward could forgive me, maybe I could win back some of his respect. Maybe. Hopefully. I wanted Edward back. I needed Edward back.

Carlisle looked as though he was on the verge of giving me the punishment I was crying out for.

"Esme, don't," I muttered to her as he stared at me, "It's my fault."

"I don't care whose fault it is, Bella, I only care about the fact you're safe my darling!" Esme cried, holding me close.

"Well I care!" I snapped.

Esme released me and looked at me as though she was concerned that I was coming down with

something.

"I'm not ill, Esme," I said softly, "I just... I don't deserve you to care this much about me; I don't deserve you to be upset. I deserve you to be furious with me, the way I've acted. I've been so selfish, so stupid." I wanted to look at them, but I was too embarrassed, too ashamed, so I stared resolutely at the floor before muttering, "And I've been that way for a while too long now."

"Pretty speech, Bella," Carlisle said, crossing over to me and taking hold of my face, pulling it up so that our eyes had no choice but to meet. "But you're wrong. You do deserve us to be furious, yes. However, you don't deserve us not to care about you, not to worry about you. You are incredibly important. And I don't just mean as Isabella Swan of Narnia, I mean as Bella. As a person, as a daughter, as a friend, you are important to all of us. And we will always care. And we will always worry. And sometimes we will be furious. But we will always love you unconditionally, and that Bella, that is what you deserve."

"Thanks," I muttered, looking round for Edward as soon as Carlisle let go of me.

"He went away as soon as you came back in," Jacob told me gently.

"Away where?"

"I don't think he wants to talk to you right now, Bella," he said, again, gently.

"But I want to- I need to- to explain to him- to tell him that-"

"It's a lot for him to take in already, for all of them. Why didn't you just tell him? I mean, Carlisle's

son, it's hardly as if..."

"I didn't know he was Carlisle's son!" I snapped. I was losing my patience again. I always did. I didn't have the calmness that Edward and Carlisle had. I wished that I did.

"You did know, I told you he was."

"You did not!" I flared up, "How would you have known? And when in the name of Aslan did you tell me?"

Jacob raised an eyebrow, "I knew the minute I saw him that that's who he was. Remember when I said to you that you were in love and, you said that you couldn't be in love with him because you didn't even know his second name, and then I distinctly remember saying 'Bella I hate to point out the obvious but its Cullen, how could it be anything else?'"

"No, I don't remember this," I said stubbornly.

"That day at the market before you left."

The day at the market. I remembered that day. I remembered roses scattered on the floor. I remembered shouting that I didn't love Edward. I remembered his face when I turned to see him after having said that, not knowing that he was there. That was all I could remember of that day. I didn't want to remember it at all, because it hurt. It hurt to remember.

"Think Bella, think, I did, I told you who he was," Jacob urged me.

I tried. I thought for what seemed to be an age and nothing came to me. I thought whilst everyone seemed to wait in utter silence, the world could have ended whilst I thought without me noticing, I was thinking that hard. I thought long and hard and nothing came to me. And just as I was about to give up I remembered. I remembered like a punch in the gut. He had tried. He had tried to tell me. But by that point I had already started to shut down. I only had stilted memories of what had happened after Edward hearing me say that I didn't love him, it had been the worst breakdown I'd ever had or would ever have. Years of pain had come out at that time. But I remembered Jacob trying.

"_Besides – there's probably one hundred and one Lord Edward's in Doorn – I don't even know his second name."_

_Jacob looked at me as though I was insane._

"_What?"_

"_Bella I hate to point out the obvious here but-"_

"_Bella!" Edward's voice came sharply through the crowds._

"_I must go," I muttered, "how will you get back to Narnia?"_

It hurt even more than before to remember it now. Now that I knew what could have been saved, what could have been stopped if I had just heard what Jacob had said.

"Oh Aslan, Jacob, I've-" I began, but Carlisle cut over me.

"Bella I don't know exactly what's going on between you and Edward, but I will tell you two things. Firstly, that my son has always been most reserved, ever since he was a child, but that I have never seen him look at anyone the way he looked at you now even though he attempts to hide it, I see it in his eyes. He is furious with you, but besides from that, there is more there. And secondly, no matter what is happening, please realise that at the celebration ball, which it is my duty to host in your honour tonight, you will be expected to remember your duty and hold your head high and emotions in check. Though," he added gently, "it is never something you have had a problem with previously."

I took a deep breath.

"Please Lord Cullen," I replied in my most controlled voice, "Remember that I have **always** known and respected what is my duty."

"Of course, Your Majesty."

And we regarded each other in complete understanding.

"Bella you look beautiful," Alice said as she stood behind me at the dressing table mirror, having finished with my hair. Her voice was quiet, and she reminded me of her other half, of Jasper in the quiet, measured way she spoke.

"Thank you," I muttered back. Carlisle had gone to town to visit the Newtons and retrieve Jessica, and whilst he had been there he had picked up a new dress for me. It was a bright crimson red, which reflected my brown hair well, bringing out the little seen red undertone that ran through it. The dress was highly fitted and corseted at the top, with a large full skirt as was the Narnian style. Alice wore a purple Lone Island style dress, long and straight, and again I missed the height that the straight cut seemed to grant me. Aslan knew I could have used a few extra inches to do what I needed to do.

I would do it, though, with or without Edward, I would hold my head up and represent my country. I had done it earlier without his support. I had always done it without him. And having had him may mean that it would now be harder to manage without him, but I would do it. I straightened my neck, surveying the heavy diamond necklace that sat on my décolletage. My earrings were as equally ornate; I could feel the weight of them as they hit off my neck. I looked like Isabella.

"Thank you, Alice," I repeated myself, this time putting the generations of breeding and hours of poise and etiquette lessons that I had endured into my answer. I sounded like Isabella.

Alice caught my eye in the mirror and nodded. She understood. She was forgiving of what I had done, and she understood both why I had done it and what I would do now. Rosalie I had not spoken to. Although some bridges seemed to have been built between us I did not think that she would understand what I had done. She would treat me more courteously now that she knew who I was, but that did not mean she would understand. And it did not mean that she would treat me with more respect. How could I expect to be treated with respect by her or by any of them? I had been an idiot. I had behaved like an idiot.

"You know Bella, he might take a while to come around, but I think that Edward-"

"Is not what should be on your mind right now," Esme interjected as she came into the room, holding my tiara.

"No, he's not," I said, annunciating each word properly, feeling that perhaps if I put effort into the pronunciation of my words then perhaps the words themselves would not hurt as much.

Esme shut the door, "However," she continued, "I'm guessing there's not much else you can think about."

"I'm perfectly capable of managing not to think about him," I replied.

"Are you?" Alice asked sceptically, raising an eyebrow at me.

"Yes I am, actually," I snapped, the cool demeanour I had been working on being lost as they pushed at the subject which irritated me, "You know what Carlisle said, that I have a duty to my people to hold myself correctly tonight and as I told Carlisle, I have always remembered and completed my duties.."

"As you should," Esme said, moving into Alice's spot behind me and drawing the tiara out of its box.

I said nothing as she placed the silver and diamond encrusted thing on my head, feeding it under and over where my hair had been pulled so that it would not fall.

"Look in the mirror, what do you see?" Esme asked me.

I stared at my reflection. Just some ordinary girl with a crown on her head.

I cleared my throat as a lump raised in it, this was not the time, "Isabella Swan," I answered her, unsure what the expected answer actually was.

"Why Isabella Swan?"

Because there's a tiara on my head telling me that's who I am.

"Because there's a tiara on your head?" she prompted to my silence.

Aslan, are you a mind reader now Esme, I thought sarcastically, because gee, that's a talent that could be really useful.

Instead of voicing these thoughts I nodded mutely at her.

"What does that tiara mean to you?"

I sighed. Prison.

"That I'm the future Queen of Narnia?"

"So that tiara connotates then with that?"

"Yes."

"And what other things connotate with it?"

"What do you mean Esme?" I sighed again, exasperated, unable to see where this conversation was going. All I knew was that I didn't want to have to think right now, I wanted to paste on my Isabella Swan personality and go do my duties without having to think or feel or any of it.

"Well, the tiara links to being the future queen, it links to being Isabella Swan. What else links in there?"

"Doing things I don't want to do. Being someone I barely know half the time. Doing what I need to do for my country and completing my duties as someone in my position should, whether I wish to or not," I snapped, my words racing out, almost stumbling over the word in front of them in order to win first place.

"Really?"

"What do you mean really?" I snapped.

"Look in the mirror," Esme said gently.

I turned, completely fed up of what she was saying and watched as she unbraided the hair that threaded my tiara into place.

I winced a little as the tiara was removed from my hair.

"Now what do you see?"

I surveyed myself. Well I just saw me, what else was I meant to see? I looked in the mirror and all I could see was a little girl with skint knees from falling over so often and a grown woman with a broken heart from falling so hard that one time.

"I see Bella," Alice broke in to our conversation, "I see Bella but wearing a pretty dress and with her hair all done up."

"And I see Bella, because to me you've always been Bella, and you always will be Bella," Esme concluded.

I stared at my reflection.

"I don't know," I said slowly, "I look more like Isabella, because of the dress and everything. But I don't have the tiara so I look a bit more like Bella in that sense, in comparison to before..."

"Bella, does a dress define you?"

"What?"

"Why do you see Isabella? Because of how you look? Because you're wearing a fancy dress? Or do you see Bella because of the lack of tiara? Is it the tiara that defines you?"

"No... It's..."

"It's you."

I stared at Esme in the mirror.

"Bella, whether you are wearing a tiara and a ballgown or a pair of riding boots and a plain dress, you are Bella. And Bella is only a different way of saying Isabella. It doesn't make you a different person."

"But it does, I separate those parts of it."

"Those parts of what?"

"Those parts of my life."

"Bella, you're deliberately being awkward. They are both parts of you, because they are both you. You do not become someone else with different thoughts and feelings just because someone calls you the long or short version of your name. You go on and on about your duties as Isabella, but as soon as the crown comes off do you not still then have the same duties?"

"I have duties to do different things when I'm-"

"No, Bella, you do not have different duties to different things because you are always the same person, why do you not understand that? Do you not see how complicated you are insisting on making everything by separating yourself into two people? You think Edward will love you as Bella but not Isabella? Isabella IS Bella, Bella IS Isabella. He cannot only love one half of you. He will love you in everything that you, for everything that you are or not at all. That is not to say that he will accept that you did not tell him from the start, of course he will not accept the fact that you kept half of yourself hidden from him when I suspect Edward laid out his whole heart, body, mind and soul for you, but he will come to forgive you. The fact that he is angry with you does not mean that he doesn't love you just because you have another part of you!"

"I gave Edward my whole heart, my whole body, my whole mind and my whole soul!" I roared at Esme, "Do not tell me that I didn't. I have him myself."

"Then if you gave him all of you, then you must have given him all of Isabella also."

"Esme you're confusing me," I screamed, my voice hoarse, "I gave Edward everything except the Isabella half of me."

"Bella you do not have two hearts, two minds, two bodies or two souls. You either gave him all of you or not at all. You cannot split a heart a soul a mind or a body to only give him half."

"Then in that case I gave him everything I had."

"Then you gave him Isabella."

"Esme..."

"Bella, all you have kept from Edward is that you are the future queen of Narnia, yes?"

"Yes."

"Then you have not kept much from him."

"Esme, that changes everything, that involves a whole other life, a whole other set of rules and duties and-"

"Does it change you?"

"Pardon?"

"Bella, it may change your surroundings or what you have to do with your days, but it does not change you. And if Edward is to love you then he is only concerned with you."

I stared at her, then turned to look in the mirror.

"You may have duties, Bella, but as the Princess and as the Queen, as you will come to be, you will always have those duties, you can't decide not to be who you are for a day and not have those duties, unfair as that may seem. But everyone has duties. Duties that you don't need to have for anybody other than yourself."

"Esme... I understand that I am both Bella and Isabella and that they are not separate people, but I don't understand what duties you are talking about. I have duties for my father and my country and my people and-"

"Everyone has a duty to themselves, to their happiness."

"I have to put others in front of mys-"

"Bella, you have a duty to your heart. And if your heart needs Edward to function as mine needs Carlisle then you had best act on it. Because without paying attention to your duties to yourself, you cannot do your duties by others. There is a line Bella, after which you get to you cannot continue to sacrifice your own needs and desires, because if you do then it will all backfire and no one will benefit at all. Narnia does not need a heartbroken Queen."

"And I don't need a heartbroken best friend," Alice added.

I met their eyes in the mirror one last time before looking at myself.

"Put my tiara back on, please, it is a part of me that I wear it."

"Are you sure?"

"Edward must accept me as Bella with a tiara on her head, as throughout life I will numerous times be Bella with a tiara on her head and that is a part of me."

"Very well," Esme conceded as she began to rebraid and twist and thread my hair into complicated loops and spirals.

I stared after it was done.

I was Isabella. And I was Bella. I was IsaBella. Isa Bella. Isabella. Bella. Isabella.

Edward, if he loved me, would accept that.

"Thank you," I said to Esme, as I left the room to the sounds of trumpets to make my way downstairs to the ball.


	27. Pride, and Vulnerability

**Bringontheshackles1(dot)blogspot(dot)com**

**Question:Do you want me to finish this before posting the rest of The Missing Chronicle:The Lion's Pride, or update the Lion's Pride to this point so that you read it from Edward's POV without knowing what the ending is going to be? I know some of you are just dying for this to be updated but I know that sometimes reading something from another POV isn't as interesting when you're not dying to know what happens and sometimes it doesn't bother you cause its reading it from a totally different angle, so just let me know the general consensus of opinion :L**

**Leave the answer on the blog, in the review or private message me, don't mind at all, just leave me an answer!**

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Chapter 27.

"_**I was not vulnerable! I was strong, I was unbreakable, impenetrable! But here I was standing in a lake, my heart broken. My entire self wrung out for everything I was worth. Had I loved? But I couldn't have loved. Not truly loved. I couldn't have. I was admitting weakness enough for the first time in my entire life, in my entire seventeen and a half years, enough to ask for help. Would I admit vulnerability enough to say I had loved?"**_

_**-The Missing Chronicle: The Lion, the Witch and His Lioness, Chapter 15, Beauty in the Breakdown.**_

"Your Majesty", "Your Majesty", "Your Highness", "Princess", "My Lady", "My Future Queen", "Your Majesty," "Your Majesty", "Your Majesty", "Your Majesty", "Your Majesty".

I would go insane here. Jacob stood by my side, guarding me. I was in turmoil, I needed Edward here. I needed him to see this, to see this part of me that he had not seen, but to see that it was an addition to what he already knew of me, an addition to the Bella that he knew, the Bella that I hoped against hope that he loved, not an alteration, just an addition.

They were there en mass. I couldn't see through them to see who I really wanted to see. I couldn't even see if he was there or not.

"Your Majesty," a familiar voice rang out from my left side. I turned. So like Jessica. Even after all this time of not seeing me, after all the time of being slaves, of all the time of being separated, when I knew she wanted to throw her arms round me and cry, she would not. Not in front of a room full of people, of officials of Narnia and the Lone Islands.

"Jess," I half whispered, attempting to smile.

She gave me a small smile in return as she curtseyed before me, telling me with her smile that she knew, she understood why I could not smile happily and talk normally to her at this moment.

She seemed different. In fact, there was something about her now that suggested that even without half the Narnian Court gathered around her that she would not have screeched as she once would have. Her large blue eyes seemed wide and almost placid. Content. Tranquil. Happy.

I surveyed her over. It seemed, despite our meeting in the market place, that slave work had seemed to suit Jess. She looked much healthier than usual, and she suited the Lone Island style of dress.

I opened my mouth to say something else to her but she was already gone, moving to find her place within the room. But as my lady in waiting her place had always been with me, by my side. Where was she going?

"She looked..." Jacob whispered, his words mirroring my thoughts.

"I know," was all I could muster to answer. I had no energy left. He had not come and it seemed like mostly everyone was there. And surely, given that this was being held in his home he would have arrived earlier than most? His siblings had, his parents had. They had been the first people in the room. And I had hoped that he was just spending time calming down before he came. Hoped that perhaps he was as nervous for this as I was. Perhaps he was deciding what to wear? Or maybe he needed to calm down because he was still furious? And even if he was furious, if he was furious but decided still to come tonight, that had to mean something, didn't it? It had to...

But he wasn't here yet. And what if he didn't come? I would have to be brave and deal with that. I had decided on that already. No matter what happened tonight, I had to hold my head up. I had a duty to my heart and a duty to my country. And tonight I needed to acknowledge both, without letting one outweigh the other. I needed Edward, and I needed to be strong for Narnia. And if I didn't get Edward, I couldn't let that affect how I represented Narnia. I had decided that already.

I wondered vaguely again where Jessica was as I smiled at another woman who was curtseying for me whilst her husband bowed. Perhaps if I concentrated on thinking of Jessica, I wouldn't have to concentrate so much on Edward, his presence or lack of it. But though he wasn't there, I was in his house. And I could feel him all around me.

We were in the room where we had danced. He had cut in when I was dancing Aslan's Waltz with Jasper, and he had made me move in a way I would never have moved at court. I had clung to him in this room, and he had clung to me. And as I had danced with him I had become more and more sure that Edward was not just anybody, but indeed the one I loved above all, the one I would always love. I had become more sure of it on the dance floor that night than any other time. I had put on a show that night, to annoy him, to get a reaction from him. And I had got one. He had made me feel, made me sure of how I felt. And I had been uneasy about the reaction, I hadn't trusted it. But now I trusted it. Now I realised I needed love. I needed him. I would put on another show tonight if needed, but was a show what was needed this time? Was this time for a circus or time for honesty? Was my life at court ever anything other than a circus? If he wanted to be in my life it would always be a circus, a crazy mad circus, where hardly anything was as it appeared. Would he want that? Would he want me?

Or would this night be like the night we had spent in here on Emmett's birthday ball, would we be separate all night? But I had realised that night that though I loved him, if he was to be happy with Tanya, then I would have stepped aside, I would have wanted him to be happy with her rather than fight and win a fight for him and have him end up with me and be unhappy. I had finally admitted it out loud that night. To Alice. I had run from the room in tears, and admitted it. "I love him." And then I had ran. I had tried to leave. And some power of fate had meant that he found me and stopped me.

I remembered before I left, Rosalie had come to me. And she had told me "He loves you, why don't you understand that? He loves you, no matter what you do, he will always love you, because of that. Because he loves you." Was that still true?

But it couldn't be. I had put him through too much now. He must hate me. But I could hope. I had to hope.

And then he was there, entering through the doors. He was... Magnificent. There was no other word for it. In the deep green colour I loved so well on him, this time with a slight golden tint of it which brought out the amber and topaz flecks in his breath taking green eyes that you couldn't always see, that you wouldn't even have known were there unless you had looked into those eyes as often and intently as I had.

He walked towards me and it seemed as though the entire room went silent, waiting for this moment, as though everyone was staring, waiting with baited breath, waiting to see if he would reject me or not. The only sound I could hear was my heartbeat, the noise filled my ears and everything in the room that wasn't Edward suddenly went blurry. He seemed almost to slow down, allowing me to swallow hard and appreciate the way that his movement caused his bronze hair to move slightly. It wasn't even like he had slowed down, I was wrong, that was the wrong way to describe it, it was as if he had taken eternity to cross from the door to me. This must be how people felt when they were about to die. My entire life could have flashed before my eyes in the time it took him. Not even flashed, my entire life could have played out word by word in the time it took him to reach me. But it didn't. All I could focus on was him, how long until he reached me.

That must be what soldiers felt like, when they realised an arrow was coming for them and they saw it and knew that it was coming for them, that they were going to die, that that was it, their destiny right there, that their death was coming towards them and they couldn't escape it. My arrow was coming for me, and I was going to die. I could tell. There was no point in trying to talk to him, none at all. I could see on his face that his mind was made up, that I could not alter it. I could not alter the path of fate or love or death or Edward Cullen anymore than the soldier could alter the course of the arrow.

But I was not a soldier on a battlefield, I was Isabella Swan. My weapons were not swords nor arrows, they were words. And I was not destined to die on the battlefield, I was destined to win, to hold my head up, to have pride and honour, to lead Narnia to victory. I had to try.

He reached me and bowed and suddenly the silent bubble seemed to burst and I realised that the whole room had not been waiting for and watching this. No one cared. No one knew. But I felt as though it stood out, as though everyone should know 'MY NAME IS ISABELLA SWAN AND I LOVE HIM BUT HE DOESN'T LOVE ME BECAUSE I LIED AND MUCKED IT UP AND NOW HE'S REJECTING ME'. Maybe I should get up on the table after the meal and shout that. Maybe even before the meal, show Edward that I loved him and I wasn't scared of that, that I wanted him to know, I wanted everyone to know. But he did know. That wasn't going to change his mind. He didn't love me because I was a lying, sneaky, manipulative little bitch. That was the only expression for it. Perhaps shouting statements before or after the dinner wasn't the right way to go about this. A circus might have been what my life was, what our life together would be if he decided he would take me, accept me, as I was, for everything I was, but tonight was not the time for a circus, not the time for a show. It was time for Bella and Isabella to do what she had been taught to do. What she had always been good at. What I had always been good at. I would be dignified. I would handle this quietly and without making a scene. I had to handle this with pride.

I had to gain back his trust, his respect. I had to talk to him, just us. I had to be honest. I had to be what I couldn't stand. I had to be vulnerable.

I had never managed it yet. To mix the pride of Isabella with the vulnerability of Bella. Because they had never mixed. They had never been the same person. But now I saw that they were. Could I make them work together? Would they work together? They would. I had to believe they would. They were both essential parts of me, and I had to be honest and offer up all of me this time. This was going to be my life, juggling and balancing those two parts of me, mixing them together. Doing it right. But both these qualities had caused me nothing but pain and heartbreak in the past, it was when I was proud or vulnerable that I made mistakes, it was when I let these feelings get in the way that I made mistakes. Pride and vulnerability were my downfalls, and mixed together, this could be epic. But he had to see my strengths and weaknesses, my upsides and downsides, my achievements and my mistakes. He had to see and accept all of me.

I had to show Edward both my pride and vulnerability.

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Please review, read the blog, and read The Missing Chronicle:The Lion's Pride and review that as well :) There are also explanations on the blog as to why this hasn't been updated for agesssss so please don't bother asking or moaning at me about why if you're not going to read it, cause as much as I love y'all, I do not have the time to send 100 people the same message, that's why I got the blog in the first place :L x


	28. Lightening

**Chapter 28. Lightening.**

_**The affections are like lightning: you cannot tell where they will strike till they have fallen.**__**  
**__**-**__**Lee Iacocca**_

Had I not been as un-female as I was generally viewed to be, what with how determined, opinionated and headstrong I was, I would have done the more female thing during the first half hour of the dinner and cried into my gold plate. He was next to me. He had been placed right next to me. Carlisle didn't think it was appropriate for me to have been seen on his arm earlier today and then for him not to be seen next to me at the dinner.

On one hand, it was good, because it meant he was there, that I could talk to him.

On so many other hands, it was awful. I was keeping it all contained, but he was making me so nervous I would have been shaking had I not been determined enough not to let myself give into it. And if we were being seated together it made us look as though we were slightly together in an official way, especially given that I had been on his arm earlier, and that meant that either he was going to feel pressured into openly courting me, which I didn't want him to do if he didn't want to be with me as much as I wanted to be with him, and it also meant that if he didn't want me then I would be publically ditched. And humiliation on top of heartbreak wasn't something I wanted to tackle. And it meant that I had to feel his presence, automatically unwillingly register every slight movement that he made, even feeling the tiny fractions that his eyes moved. I could think of nothing else but that he was beside me. His presence was so intoxicating, oh sweet, intoxicating presence... And though I wanted to talk to him, I couldn't. And it just made everything worse that we were sitting next to one another, both refusing to say anything. I wanted to talk to him, I wanted to open up. In the name of Aslan, I planned to open up, I only had tonight, just one night, to tell him, to let him know, to throw down all my cards on the table, to shoot my arrow and hope it hit him, to be vulnerable.

But if I opened my mouth to try I would have lost all pride, all dignity. And that was the deal I'd made. That I was going to mix them both, I was going to be open and honest and vulnerable and Bella, but I was going to keep my head up, I was going to keep my pride and dignity and be Isabella, future Queen of Narnia and Empress of the Lone Islands at the same time. Because in life I'd always be both and I had to start learning to deal with that now.

The first half hour was the worst. Carlisle and my Father were making speeches, giving explanations as to why I'd disappeared for so long, and everyone was silent, listening. Every movement he made seemed even more obvious in the silence. My heartbeat sounded louder in the silence. And I couldn't even try and practise talking with someone who wasn't Edward before I spoke to him, because of the silence, because everyone was being silent and polite and listening. And my stomach was churning and my thoughts were racing and I wanted to talk to him but I couldn't walk to him because I needed to practise talking to him and I needed to slow my thoughts down because they were all rushing at me one after the other and that wasn't ladylike, it wouldn't do, wouldn't do at all, it wasn't the way the Queen was meant to think, but I wasn't quite Queen yet, I was future Queen and maybe I wanted to let the thoughts in my head race like wild horses, whoever made these rules that Queen's should think in an orderly fashion anyway and... Oh, Queen... Get into that mindset.

To be Queen I had to sit up and listen to these speeches. And no I didn't enjoy it, and yes, I had more important, or at least what I viewed to be more important, matters pressing on my mind. But they were personal matters, and right now those had to take a backseat or mix with my being the future Queen for whom this dinner was being held. I couldn't let my personal thoughts overtake me, I couldn't act rashly, I had to be controlled.

"We give thanks to Aslan for the safe return of Isabella, future Queen of Narnia and Empress of the Lone Islands," Carlisle finished his speech and raised his glass in a toast, which the table all followed.

I would never get this right, by the time I had realised that all I was thinking about was how hard it was to sit next to him at the dinner during the speeches and thought about all the ways I could muck this up and then realised that I should be paying attention to the speeches because that was what my duty decreed I must do, the speeches were over. And I had missed them.

"So, exactly what cover story am I supposed to use?" Jessica smiled at me from the other side of the table. Again she seemed different. The old Jessica would have been enraged, or at least upset with me right now. After all, this was all my fault, I had been the one determined to get off the boat that morning and go for a walk, and then I had been determined when she warned me of the presence of Gliftin that we would not bother trying to get away from them until it was too late. This was all my fault, and usually Jessica got hysterical over the slightest thing, never mind an ordeal like this.

"Why exactly are you so relaxed, Jess?" Jacob asked the question that was on my mind.

Jessica smiled and helped herself to potatoes. A slight sadness shot through me as I realised that we were dining in the Narnian way, everybody helping themselves whereas if we had been dining in the Lone Island way, Edward would have been collecting my food for me, which would have opened up some small line of communication.

"Well," Jessica began, that secret smile that I had never seen her use before lighting up all of her face. I had never seen her look so happy. Even her eyes shone, danced and sparkled in a way I had never seen. She almost looked as though she were in... No. She couldn't be... "Can you keep a secret?"

Jacob looked at me and raised an eyebrow. She wasn't doing well by announcing it here at the dinner if she wanted it kept a secret. For one thing, I was pretty sure that Carlisle, 2 of the other Lone Island Lords, Aro and Marcus, along with Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper and Alice, who were all up at the top end of the table where Jessica, Jacob and I were sitting could hear her. And I knew Edward could hear her. I knew he was listening. Even though he looked oblivious and was concentrating on something in the distance, I _knew_, I_ knew_ he was listening because I knew _him. _

"Go on," Jacob prompted her.

She smiled again. I had seen Jessica smile when she began stories with the phrase 'Can you keep a secret?' The story was usually some vicious rumour or piece of gossip that she had snatched off of someone at court, usually from a conversation she wasn't meant to be listening to. That smile was cold, calculating and malicious, delighting in what she was about to share. This wasn't that smile. This smile was wide, genuine, happy and delighting in what she was about to share, this time for different reasons that she usually had for delighting in sharing.

"Michael..." she began but trailed off and bit her lip to stop herself from smiling even wide, her eyes bright but cast down at her plate, her arms going round her, hugging some beautiful secret to herself, "Well, we're not sure exactly how to go about it, we don't know what cover stories we need to use about how we met, or if we even need to use any, but well, we're, you know, really both wanting to make a go of it..." She looked back up, her eyes meeting mine, smiling, happy. I smiled for her, I was glad to see her look so happy, she had never looked as happy, as content as she did now.

"Is this the same Michael who made you clean?" I smiled at her. Normally I would have attempted to mimic the look of horror that had been on her face when she had screeched at me in the market place "YOU GET TO GO TO PARTIES WHILST I'VE BEEN MADE TO CLEAN! CLEAN, BELLA. CLEAN. ME, CLEAN!", but I couldn't stretch that far today. I was genuinely happy for her, I wasn't pasting on a smile for her, it was a genuine smile. But my smile was smaller than I would have liked it to be, and I couldn't even muster a laugh to go with my comment. But despite this, the fact I was able to smile at all was, to me, a great victory.

I realised now that although I had always behaved as a future queen at court, always been appropriate, never spoken out of turn and always kept me emotions in check, kept everything about me blank and measured and controlled, always remembered and performed my duties to perfection, that this was not my achievement. Because although I had always conquered what I was feeling to remain blank, I had never felt as strongly as this before. Managing a small smile here was harder than flirting or dancing after an argument with anyone else. Before I had come here if someone had upset me I would have been able for to cover it up and act like everything was fine, I would have put on a damned good show, equal to the one I'd put on at Jasper and Alice's party. But that was because I'd never been as upset as this. No one had ever made me feel as much as deeply as he had and I couldn't overcome that feeling enough to laugh and dance and flirt and joke as I usually did. Sure, I'd done it at Alice and Jasper's party, but that was when, somewhere deep inside me, I'd known to hold on, to have hope. Something inside of me knew that there was something there, something still there between us, something told me to fight him because in the long run it was the right thing to do.

Now I had nothing inside me reassuring me of what to do or how to feel. I had no feeling in the pit of my stomach, no voice in the back of my head, no gut instinct telling me that this was worth holding on to. No, this time I just had to fight for him and give myself hope that it was right because nothing and no one was indicating to me that I should. Certainly not him.

"Yes, the same Michael who made me clean," Jessica laughed softly, pulling me out of my thoughts and back into reality.

"I hope it works for you two."

"Yeah," Jake threw in, "Me too."

"Well, I really hope so to because..." again she trailed off, not finishing.

I looked at my dinner for a moment, expecting her to pick up her story again, thinking that perhaps she was just having another small smile to herself, but after the momentary pause had passed into the territory of an even bigger pause I snapped my head up.

"Because what?" Jacob pushed at her, the pause obviously doing nothing but irritating him that she wasn't pushing him on with her story, rather than alerting him to anything.

I surveyed Jess, thought about how different she seemed, my eyes met hers. Those happy, tranquil, placid eyes... oh... oh!

"You're..." I was the one trailing off now.

"I think so," she smiled again, biting her lip in that same happy, nervous way, "And I'm happy about it. I really, really like him, but just, don't tell, you know, not sure how people will react with the circumstance and that..."

"Yeah, no, totally," I smiled, reaching my hand over the table to hers, "Congratulations, I'm happy for you."

I was happy for her. She was cut out for this. She would be good at it.

But it was tearing at me that I couldn't only be happy for her. My happiness for her was tainted by jealousy. How was it that she and Michael could work it out? He had thought she was crazy, he told me so. Because she had gone on about how she was a lady of the court and how his head would end up on a spike for treating her the way he had. Maybe it helped that she had been honest, truthful with him from the start.

But he wouldn't have known until today that she had been telling the truth, and he had thought she was lying. But they were wanting to court one another, and if she was... well, that would have happened before today. And she seemed properly happy, as though she had made her decision and was settled in it, not like it was rushed.

I turned my head slightly to the right, so that Edward was in my line of vision. I didn't openly turn to look at him, just turned enough to see if he was listening.

I was sure he was. His face showed no sign of registering anything that had just been said, but I was sure he was listening. He hadn't said a word throughout dinner. Why? Why could Jessica and Michael work this out and we couldn't? Why?

I was almost jealous of Jessica's position. If I had been, then Edward would have needed to, been obliged to. But I wasn't. I had bled this morning. Besides, women knew when they were and I knew I wasn't.

What if I had been? To think, to have a miniature Edward inside me... I'd have been so happy. And I'd have wanted a miniature Edward, no interference from me or my face at all, just a replica of him, of his exact, intimate beauty. But that would have pressured Edward into being with me, he'd need to be, or face execution. In fact, had Edward not been Carlisle's son I was pretty sure he would have been executed as soon as I was found with him. But I didn't want Edward executed, and nor did I want him pressured into being with me. I wanted him to want me. For me.

That was what I'd loved from the start about being with Edward, that was what had held me back from just telling him who I was when Jasper had realised in the first place. I had never had anyone love me just for me. I had had people be nice to me, treat me correctly, because I was Isabella Swan, future Queen of Narnia, and I was sure I had had people be in love with the idea of my title. But I had never had anyone love me for being me. Just me. With no title, no anything attached. Just me. And he had. I closed my eyes and pushed it from my head. I was not going to do this now. I was not going to surrender to these feelings, let them overcome me. I was not.

If everything with Edward fell through, which it probably would, then I still had to be Isabella, still had to be the future Queen. If things didn't fall through, despite the facts that all seemed to add up to it falling, I still had to be Isabella, still had to be the future Queen. I could not let Edward rule me.

If Jessica and Michael had worked this out and Edward and I hadn't, then maybe we just weren't meant to work this out. Maybe we weren't meant to be together. I couldn't fathom it, couldn't work out how that could be true. But maybe it just was. Maybe we just were supposed to be shooting stars, quick forks of dangerous, beautiful lightening in each others' lives, over before they arrived.

But that couldn't be right because, what, really, where the odds that he would be my father's best friend, whom I had come to regard as a second father, what were the odds that Edward would be Carlisle's son? But maybe I just wanted to think that. Maybe I just wanted to believe so badly that we weren't ever meant to be with anybody other than one another that I was delving too far into this, finding reasons and signs that didn't exist that this was all fate and destiny. What if it just wasn't? I was sure he was listening to the conversation, listening to what I was saying because he still cared about me, about what I had to say. And if he had been completely against the idea of sitting beside me then surely he would have found a way around it. And it wasn't as if he was joining in any other conversation so either he wasn't joining in those conversations because he was listening to mine or it signified that it didn't matter that he wasn't joining in the conversation because he wasn't joining in any conversation so perhaps he just wasn't ready to talk to anyone, maybe he was still, like me, wanting to talk to me, but needing to work up to it and what if...

But what if I just wanted to believe that? What if he was just listening because he had been stuck against his will next to me because it was the proper thing to do? What if he just wasn't talking because if he opened his mouth all he'd be able to do was tell me how much he hated me? What if he didn't hate me at all, what if, worse than that, he just didn't care? What if I was just deluding myself with all this? What if...?

I knew the answers. No matter what if I still needed to go back to Narnia and be the future Queen. I still needed to be dignified. No matter what if. That was the deal. And I would stick to it.

Edward had been a shooting star, he had been lightening in my life alright, a beautiful fork of lightening, the only source of any glow or power or light or electricity or excitement in my mundane life. But lightening could be dangerous. And it was on the dance floor tonight that I would find out what my destiny written in the stars was. Tonight I would dance with the lightening, play with the electricity, find out if it was going to fry my heart and see if I could withstand having my heart fried and keeping myself upright without it. Or seeing if I was going to become rain, become thunder, become the sky. I would see if we could dance together, work together.

And no matter the outcome. No matter what if. I still needed to go back to Narnia and be the future Queen. That was the deal. And I would stick to it.


	29. For Once and For All

I know this has taken a life time to update and I've probably lost all my readers now, but I thought I owed it to anyone who is still bothering with this to update it. The next chapter after this is the last chapter in the whole thing and then there will be a short afterword so this will probably be complete in about 5 days, at long last. I hope it doesn't disappoint and was worth the wait.

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Chapter 29. For Once and For All.

"_**Sometimes the only thing left to do is wrap your arms round each other and then just... let go."**_

_**-Gossip Girl**_

I curled my arm around Jacob's waist.

"You're shaking, Bells," he whispered in my ear.

"I know." I needed to stop that. Was it brutally obvious to everyone or just enough to be obvious to those that I was standing right next to? Either way it didn't matter, it needed to stop.

He hadn't come near the dance floor yet. Maybe he was deliberately avoiding me...

Well, if he was, I'd just have to deal with that.

"You're doing ridiculously well."

"In what?"

"Don't play daft with me, I know you, I know exactly what you're thinking."

I looked up into his eyes. Jacob did know me, Jacob knew me probably better than I did, he saw straight through me all the time and there was nothing I could do about it. If I could have loved him things might have been easier, simpler, if I had loved Jake and he me then we would have known each other the way you're supposed to know someone to love them, we'd have known each other better than we knew ourselves. But nothing was that simple, and even if Jacob had been human I doubted I would have loved him. And even if I had done, then what I felt for Edward would have blown it all out of the way, Jacob would have disappeared from my mind, because no one, no being, not even Aslan himself I didn't think, would have been able to stand in between that insane, celestial need I felt to be with Edward.

I felt his eyes on me. I always could, could always sense him even if I couldn't see him.

Alice and Jasper danced near Jacob and I, Alice giving me a small, encouraging smile when our eyes met, and Jasper looking at me intensely and intently, not in a friendly way, I supposed I couldn't blame him for that, I couldn't expect him to forgive me so easily, but not in an unfriendly way either. I was comforted by Jasper's strong silent presence. Although he had carried out no gesture to give me comfort I drew it from him, as though although he hadn't forgiven me yet I knew he wanted me to be OK, to work it out.

Rosalie and Emmett stood at the side of the room; Rose had not looked at me once since this afternoon. I expected that her pride was damaged. Emmett gave me a huge grin; it seemed that my identity had not changed his feelings towards me. I expected that from Emmett though, he could always be counted upon to make me feel better, especially when I didn't deserve to.

My father, Carlisle and Esme all smiled warmly at me, but I expected that from them. They didn't know, didn't understand fully what I had done. I didn't deserve as wonderful a father as Charlie or as wonderful a sort of second mother and father as I had found in Esme and Carlisle.

And then there was Edward. I couldn't tell what he was thinking or feeling or wishing on me, because those eyes were as blank as the day I first saw them from through a crack in between the door and wall in Alice's room. Blank, with a small simmering fire burning underneath. But that was nothing, there was always a fire in Edward's eyes, he was permanently burning, on fire, dangerous and wonderful and alive.

"Ask him to dance," Jacob encouraged me, knowing where my vision was going now that I had stopped looking around.

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"He needs to ask me."

"But-" Jacob began to talk but Alice's voice cut across him.

"Edward won't do that."

"But he needs to," I said, biting my lip.

"No he doesn't."

"Yes he does."

"Why does he need to do anything Bella?"

"I didn't mean it like that Alice, I just, I mean... I'm here as Isabella Swan, and that means that if I ask him to dance, he doesn't get much of a choice in saying no and I don't want to force him into doing something he doesn't want to do..."

"Maybe that's necessary right now," Alice hissed at me before being swept half way across the dance floor in Jasper's arms.

"Word of advice Bella?" Jacob said, cutting a huge circle round us with his horse end as he swung me round the dance floor, "I may only be half human but my male instinct, animal or human, tells me that if I were Edward I'd want to talk to you right now but my pride wouldn't let me dance with you. If you ask him to dance and, as you say, you are Isabella Swan, which doesn't leave him much room to refuse the offer, he'd have to dance with you which is what he wants but it would spare his pride, and for males, we like our pride as intact as possible, and if you ask me, you've probably stolen enough of his pride to allow him to win this one."

"You're supposed to be younger than me Jake, when did you get so wise?" I smiled up at my oldest and best and dearest friend.

"I'm a centaur, we're known for being wise," he smiled down at me.

We danced in silence till the end of the song.

"Now, here's your chance – go get him," Jacob whispered in my ear, turning and trotting off the floor.

I swallowed, I would not shake, I'd behave as the future Queen should, that was the bargain I'd made, that was what I'd promised.

"Mr Cullen would you do me the honour of this dance?" I managed to get the request out without squeaking. A victory.

"Whatever you wish Your Majesty," he murmered, taking my hand and leading me onto the floor.

People made a wide space for us, we had almost half the floor to ourselves. I was glad, it would be easier to talk that way.

"Edward, we need to talk..." I began. How original.

"Talk about what Your Majesty?" he said as though he had no comprehension of what I was on about.

"You know perfectly well what, Edward."

"Your Majesty I hardly think this is the time, nor is it the place."

"Then will you arrange with me another time and place?"

"I do not think the discussion Your Majesty wishes to have would be thought of as appropriate therefore I think you and I should not bother having it."

"Edward-"

"Your Majesty, I'm sorry, but I really don't think we can or should do this right now."

"Well I won't be here much longer, I don't have any other time to do it, and stop calling me 'Your Majesty' I'm sick of hearing it," I snapped in his ear as he turned me round the floor, one strong hand on my waist the other holding my hand that wasn't gripping his shoulder.

"Well I can't do it right now, I'm sorry."

"Why not?"

"I just can't."

"It's because of me, isn't it? It's because I'm who I am."

"My Queen I-"

"Stop it, Edward. Please, please, separate me now from me before, remember, before you found out any of this, how you loved me? Remember at breakfast yesterday morning this was supposed to be the ball at which we'd announce our engagement?" I was pleading whilst remaining as controlled and dignified and future queen like as I could, and it wasn't easy.

"Well... things change."

"They don't need to though Edward, not if we don't want them to!"

"Don't be so childish."

"I'm not, Edward, but... but you, you loved me..."

"I did."

"We were to marry Edward, you asked me to be your wife!"

"Details change, things get complicated."

"Can one small detail about a person's identity change such a strong feeling in a man?"

He dropped his hands from me and pinched the bridge of his nose in that all too familiar gesture. I was stressing him with my questions, but I had to ask them. I had to ask them, not only for me, but for him as well, for if he still loved me then his pride wouldn't permit him to admit it first and so I had to, for both our sakes, I had to get it out of him if there was even one shred of love left to be saved. If he had been anyone other than himself it would have been hard, but with Edward it was a near impossible task, his clipped words, his blank eyes, he was hiding whatever he was feeling, I knew that, I knew he was hiding something, I just had to ascertain what that something was.

We stood, facing each other in the middle of the dance floor, not even pretending to dance anymore. This dance of words had been what this sham of a dance was always supposed to be about anyway.

"As far as your identity goes," Edward began, the strain of the stress I was causing leaking through in his controlled voice, "it in itself changed nothing. Indeed, had you been honest about who you were from the start it may have even simplified matters, for there has been talk of a possible marriage between myself and yourself for some time now between our fathers."

I struggled for the first time to maintain my control when he told me this but I managed to let nothing show.

"The idea of marrying Isabella Swan," he continued, "was one which, before Bella walked into my life, I had come to terms with. I had considered everything that I had been told about her and concluded that even if I could not bring myself to love her then I could marry her for my love of Narnia, since there seemed to be no other in life that I would ever find to love as one should love. I was told many things about Isabella, that she was spoilt, selfish, too proud, headstrong and opinionated, that she was childish and that she had never gotten over the death of her mother. All of these things are correct, you are indeed all of them; however, I loved you in spite of them because of them and all the more for them. And I would have loved you no matter what name or title you arrived to me under, that is not my issue."

My head was spinning as I digested this. There had been talk of marriage. I wanted to be furious at my father and Carlisle for discussing and plotting this without me, and for including Edward in the knowledge of these plans whilst I myself had been left in the dark, and the former me would have flared up at that moment, but right now I had more important things to concentrate on.

"What is then Edward? What is the issue? What makes you unable to love me now?"

"Unable to love you..." his voice trailed off. His voice was incredulous, his eyebrows raised so far that they almost disappeared under the tuft of hair that fell over his forehead, his eyes looked at me as though they questioned my sanity. The reason was supposed to be obvious, he was astounded that I didn't already know, "Bella I am knocked over, no, I am furious at your ability to have kept this from me, for so long, I could never, ever, in a million years have kept something like that from you and-"

"But Edward, don't you see? Don't you understand?"

"What?"

I pinched the bridge of my nose now, it was never a habit I had had but now seemed as good a time as any, my control was wavering and I had vowed to keep it. I sighed.

"Edward, what cause you to love me?"

"I..."

"Give me the things Edward, give me the reasons you loved me?"

"I..." his voice trailed off again.

"Do you want me to start? Want me to give you the first reason?"

He stared at me.

"My coltish nature. Remember? Remember one night, I was in the corner and I was asleep and then I woke up but pretended to still be asleep and you came over and spoke to me because you didn't think I was asleep."

"Your coltish nature. The way you remained silent throughout beatings but had tantrums at other things. The way you gave Emmett into trouble for making you drop the book. The way you play piano, the way you dance. The way you bite your lip, the way you eat toast with the crusts first. The way that when you're nervous you toss your head. The way your transparent plans of making me jealous at parties still seem to work. The way you give back at me ever verbal spar I throw at you. The way you hold yourself, even in the most ridiculous situations. The way you love Narnia, but seem intent to get away from it to be a slave girl in some person who you didn't even know's house for a month. Your complexity, your intelligence. Your eyes. The way you show only what you wish to until you are so overcome by an emotion you can't hide it anymore. The fact you jump out windows and close your eyes so you don't know when you're going to hit the ground. The fact you jumped out a window at all. The way you dance, the way you laugh, the way you smile. How you talk in your sleep, how no matter what position you go to sleep in you always end up on your left side with your left arm under your face as though the pillows aren't good enough. Your whimpers. The way you're so excitable. The way you're so controlled, your ability to control your fire, and your fire. Mainly you, mainly your fire."

"And would you have seen any of those things if you had known from the start who I was? And would I have seen the things in you that have made me love you? I loved you because you didn't scurry round me, because you ordered me about, because you didn't lie to me, you didn't pretend that things I did were acceptable if they weren't, you didn't judge me if I did something un-queenly like, you held me, you spanked me, you humiliated me, you consumed me, you took me Edward, in your bed, as a woman. You accepted me, and you loved me for me, for everything that I am that you would have never seen had I been introduced to you as Isabella Swan, future Queen of Narnia and Empress of the Lone Islands. If you had known me as that name, would you have treated me such? And if not would I have loved you?"

"I..."

"Well isn't it worth it to you? Isn't one obstruction of a detail worth what we had, what we felt? It made it possible."

"You mean to tell me that from the start you didn't tell me who you were because you knew we'd love one another if you didn't?"

"No, I didn't tell you to begin with because first of all I didn't think you'd believe me, I mean, Edward, I arrived in your house as a slave, a lowly slave who had been bought at a market. What would your reaction to a slave turning up in your house and claiming she was the future queen have gotten from you?"

"But Jasper knew you."

"It took Jasper a while to recognise me; it had been years that we had been parted for."

"But-"

"There was a second reason, that I didn't tell you, at first, Edward..."

I bit my lip and the silent pause seemed to last forever.

"Which was?" Edward prompted me; apparently he couldn't stand the silence either.

"I wanted you to treat me as a slave so that when I was rescued you'd be put in jail, because I'd take great delight in your suffering, because I wanted to show you that I was higher than you, more powerful, show you that I'd have the last laugh."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I've changed. You've changed me, if this started all over again with me as who I am now, who I've become since I met you, I wouldn't be so vindictive, so cruel. You've improved me as a person; can a union that improves someone so much be wrong? I'll always be a bit too headstrong, and a bit too proud, but I resented anyone any happiness before other than if I was happy, I was going to take great delight in enjoying your misery once I was rescued, I would never do that now."

"I didn't change you, that was always in you, I just broke you to let it come through."

"And I broke you, don't deny it, your family have all told me how different, how much more alive you've been since we were together, we're good for each other Edward, don't you see?"

"Isabella, I can't do this," he said drawing himself up to his full height and clearing his throat.

"Edward!" I snapped.

He turned, his eyes questioning me.

"I love you, I always will, my feelings for you will never alter. The reason I asked you to dance was to ask this question, once and for all, one final time, and I do not need you to answer it for how you feel now, or tomorrow, or in a week or even a month or a year, you can have whatever time you want until you are ready to act upon the feeling that you may or may not have, but I need to know, for my own sanity, if you think that you could ever have it for me, ever again. Edward, for once and for all," I took a deep breath, "could you ever again love me?"

I looked in his eyes and saw there that whatever the answer was going to be, it was going to be honest. I closed my own eyes, I didn't think I could bear to look into the honesty that was in those eyes right now if they were going to say what I didn't want them to.

"I do not think that any normal person could love you after what you have done," Edward began, slowly, "therefore, I do not-"

My eyes snapped open.

"Thank you," I cut across him.

I didn't want him to finish that sentence, didn't want to hear the full phrase 'therefore I do not love you' come out his mouth. I had maintained my dignity and control, but if I heard that phrase I would lose it.

Instead I curtseyed and turned, walking with my head held high across the room, exiting out the door through which I had watched Edward and Tanya exit through once before, in a time that seemed almost as though it had been another life ago. This was how it felt to lose. I felt nothing. I felt numb. This was not how it felt, it was going to feel so bad that my body had chosen to shut it out at that moment.

People milled about the garden, some acknowledging me, some deep in their own conversation. I cut through them all, walking by the lake that I had seen my mother hovering over. I wished she was here now, but there was nothing, only blackness. I needed something, someone, some kind of hope, reassurance, help.

A prickling in the bottom of my heel was my first sign that feeling, physical, at least, seemed to be returning to me, and I realised that soon emotional feeling would follow. I needed away from it. I was out of sight of the guests, and I ran.

Ran and ran and ran and ran.

I had no idea where I was going. Nor did I care. The emotions were beginning to come over me and I decided that if I concentrated on keeping running as fast as I could maybe I wouldn't have time to think about them. So I kept running. Running and running and running.

And then running some more.

And I ran and ran and ran until I fell, and upon falling I retched up, as though I was trying to destroy this feeling, get it out from the inside, because I couldn't deal with it, I didn't know how, I... I had no more energy to fight I let it consume me.

"Isabella Swan."

I lifted my head weakly from where it had fallen limply onto the grass beside the patch of my own vomit.

"Aslan?"


	30. Control

I've been putting off posting this till I found a way to answer the many questions I recieved about Aslan - I have added a post to my bog about Aslan, so anyone who wants to know more about who he is can go there (link on my profile). I am sorry if it offends anyone, but the explanations are on my blog and you can go look there.

**On a happier note - this is the second last chapter ever - like OMFG! Thank you so much to everyone who is still reading this, I didn't think anyone would be, you guys are amazinggggg!**_**

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_**Chapter 30. Control.**_

"_**Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you I had no control over.**__**"**_

_**-unknown**_

"Aslan?"

I couldn't believe my eyes. But it was him, there was no mistaking him.

"It is not very fitting for the future queen to lie lamely on the ground," he commented mildly, lowering his warm nose to my side and gently half nuzzling half pushing me got me into a sitting position on the grass.

He sat down beside me, "you are not crying," he commented.

"No," I agreed, "it's almost like i hurt too much to cry."

"Quite understandable," the great lion nodded and we sat in comfortable silence for a while.

I didn't know what to say or do. I pulled my knees into my chest, hugging myself.

"If you would feel it a comfort you may lie against me," Aslan offered.

I did so, willingly. He was soft and warm and comforting. I felt safe. What a stupid thing to say, of course I felt safe with Aslan. Nobody could possibly be with him and not feel safe. Unless you were against him. But he had such power that you could tell he would be such a fierce, ferocious enemy that I didn't see how anyone dared.

"Now, Bella."

"Yes Aslan?"

"Is there anything I could do to make you feel better child?"

"Not unless you could stop my ability to feel."

He paused, "I could do that, but it would be dangerous."

I sat up, "You could do that?"

"Yes."

"Would y-"

"Bella I was not being serious."

"Oh." I supposed to expect even Aslan to have the power to make you lose the ability to feel would be a bit much.

Almost as though he had read my mind (who knew, he probably had), he said, "I was being serious about my ability to do it, I was not being serious in the suggestion that I would consider doing it for you."

"Oh," I repeated.

I had always had great plans for what I would do and what I would say if ever I met Aslan and properly got to talk to him, but now that the opportunity was here i was struck speechless.

"How are you feeling?" Aslan asked after a few moments of silence.

I opened my mouth, closed it again and then shook my head. "I don't know how to say it, I don't have the words. It feels like nothing I've ever felt before, it's like loss and pain and regret beyond... beyond anything I've ever experienced, it's like it's beyond pain..."

"Do you want to die?"

The question shocked me, "No."

"Most humans, when they feel pain, ask me to let them die, they wish to die to stop it."

I shook my head, "No, I believe in what the ancient High King Peter wrote, that when you die you go somewhere better. I don't know exactly, Aslan, he write that everyone goes to your kingdom, in the utter East, and I don't know if I believe that any of us are good enough, are worthy of that, but I do believe that we go... somewhere."

"But if you believe you go somewhere better then is that not appealing?"

"Do you want me to wish to be dead, Aslan?"

"No, child, you misunderstand my questioning, I merely wish to know your mind, it is one of the most interesting and complex I have ever come across."

"I've often been told I have a good mind, intellectually," I admitted, biting my lip, unsure of what he was really asking.

"Indeed."

"But I'm too hot headed and too emotional, I let my heart make decisions my head should."

"You truly believe yourself to be too emotional?"

"Yes, that's why I need to be unable to feel. If I were unable then I'd be able to concentrate on running Narnia to the best of my ability which is what it deserves, when I feel like this everything will be a mess."

"You think your feelings for Lord Cullen will over rule your feelings for Narnia?"

"I am afraid they shall," I paused, considering whether or not if what I was thinking of asking was impudent or not, "Aslan?"

"Yes?"

"Is it true that all who are in line to the thrown or on the thrown at some point get 1 time at which they can command you to do something for them whether you agree with it or not?"

He regarded me, before answering, quietly, "Yes, that is true."

"In theory then, if I were to command you to make me lose my ability to feel, you would have to do it? If I commanded you as Isabella Swan, future Queen of Narnia?"

I bit my lip waiting for his reply, I knew what I had just said was impudent and rude and the idea of me commanding Aslan to do anything was ridiculous but still...

"In theory yes, but I do strongly advise against your suggestion. You do not need to lose your ability to feel, you have an intelligent and wonderfully brilliant mind were it to be used to its full potential."

"But I can't make my mind work over my heart, it's like my feelings rake over me, over every inch of me, my daily routine is done different ways depending on how I feel on the day in question."

"I see."

"And that's the other reason I don't want to die," I confessed, shuffling my feet, "I believe that when you die, and you go on, you remain yourself, still you, with the same memories, same feelings, you know yourself as you always have done because you do not just cease to exist, you go on to a better, immortal life. Death, I don't believe, would be able to stop me feeling this."

"You think not?"

"I know not, my feelings are... they have a mind, a power of their own. Almost as though my feelings are separate entities from me, myself."

"Bella?"

"Yes, Aslan?" I turned to look at him fully in the eyes for the first time.

"Do you trust me?"

"Of course."

"And do you believe that all life, including yours, comes from me?"

"Absolutely."

"I designed you, Bella, with someone specific in mind, designed you to fit him and he to fit you."

"Edward?"

"I will not tell you who, it is part of the magic of creation that destinies must be found and not told, but what you felt for Edward, was it worth what you feel now?"

"Isolated – yes, it was, every second of it would be worth a lifetime of this. I have often heard it said that to love and win someone is the best thing, but to love and lose them the second best, and also that it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all, and isolated yes, it was, of course it was," I drew breath, "But Aslan I am to be Queen of Narnia, I cannot do my duty if my feelings get in the way, if I spend my life feeling like this, unable to feel any other way because this feeling is beyond any other, spending every moment of my time remembering another feeling I felt once a long time ago, trying to make myself feel it again, trying to remember and recreate that feeling, focussing my life round it. I need to not feel, not let my feelings rule me whilst I attempt to rule Narnia, it would not be right."

Aslan seemed to sigh before he considered his words and answered, "Do you think a great ruler does not feel? A great ruler becomes great so by his ability to feel, to empathise, sympathise, have compassion, have anger, have a sense of honour and of decency, and to learn restraint and control over these feelings, and in feeling a sense of achievement when he does manage this."

"But Aslan, as you have just said, a great ruler must have control otherwise he is useless."

"True," Aslan answered, and though he looked at me his eyes flickered to the edge of the meadow. I would have been curious as to what he was looking at any other time but now I had only one thing on my mind.

"Aslan, I would not master this control. I beg of you, for the sake of Narnia, grant me my wish to lose this wretched ability to feel, I do not feel as others do, everything is magnified, every blow I take more acute, I cannot possibly rule Narnia as she deserves in this state and I do not wish to command you to do this to me as I would not feel right in doing so Aslan."

"Bella, you are entitled to 1 commandment that I do not agree with but-"

"Alsan I do not wish to command you of anything but please consider granting me this as a favour, I will command if I need to but please-"

"Bella I urge you to think, to consider what this would mean. To lose your ability to feel-"

"I'd be free!" I cut across him, "free of this pain and therefore free to make logical, rational decisions!"

"Yes you'd be free, free to make cold decisions. If you give up your ability to feel then you not only give up your ability to feel hurt and pain, but the ability to feel everything, happiness, love, sorrow, loss, joy. You wouldn't care for or about anyone or anything. You would lose all physical feeling, you'd never ride and feel your speed by judging the wind in your hair and on your face. You would feel nothing."

"Therefore I would make for a much more logical ruler, not blinded by emotion but great and wise."

"With no ability to feel you would not be great nor wise, these are both qualities that having the ability to feel allows a person to have. Without the ability to feel you would be a cold heartless ruler."

Again his eyes, flashed towards the edge of the meadow. They seemed almost panicked, but I didn't care why, wasn't interested in why.

"But I'd be in control."

"Control is not the be all and end all of everything."

"Control is necessary!"

"Bella!" Aslan roared. I clenched my teeth and fists. I respected Aslan, I did, but he was refusing to see my logic and what had to be done had to be done.

"Aslan, as Isabella Swan, future Queen-"

"Bella – do not do this!" he beseeched me, his eyes again on the edge of the meadow.

"I have to!"

"Consider it for some period of time, consider it through and if, in half an hour, you still wish to go through with it I will do it for you."

Not good enough.

"As Isabella-" I began again, but again he cut me off, with one final desperate, quiet, almost begging "Bella..."

I swallowed, "Aslan, as Isabella Swan, future Queen of Narnia and Empress of the Lone Islands, I command that you rid me of my ability to feel."

He looked at me with great sad eyes, "Very well."

I felt guilty looking in those eyes, I panicked, perhaps I had done something stupid, made the wrong decision... it wouldn't be the first time. And it was against Aslan's judgement and, really, he knew better than me and-

I felt his warm breath pass over me, and then felt... I felt nothing.

"Well?" Aslan enquired.

"Err..." was all I could think of to reply with. I didn't know what else to come up with, I wasn't entirely sure what 'well?' meant.

"Do you find yourself vastly improved, my child?"

It was a variance of the question 'do you feel better?'

I paused to consider, did I feel better? The thing was, I didn't know.

I remembered thinking that before I had felt as though someone had put in a knife into my stomach and was twisting, twisting for all they were worth, and with relish, and I had hated feeling that was. But now that was gone, and what had replaced it?

I didn't feel anything, so could that be a better or worse feeling since it wasn't a feeling at all?

I struggled, I had hated feeling the way I felt before, but now I suddenly couldn't quite remember what hated meant, what it was supposed to describe. And I remembered how I had described what I felt, but I couldn't quite remember how I had felt, and I couldn't imagine how it would feel to feel that way.

But if I had wanted to change, to get rid of the feeling then surely the way I was now must therefore be better because I had got what I wanted, I had gotten rid of it. It wasn't like a lightening fork had just struck me, or I had been in an accident and got amnesia, because I could remember my actions, and I remember that I hated feeling how I had felt, and I had felt miserable and sad and depressed and I had curled up in pain and I had wanted to tear myself apart... I could remember using these words to describe how I felt... I just... couldn't understand what those words meant...

"Shall I bite your arm off?" Aslan interrupted my train of thought.

My mind could not understand the question, "Why would you wish to bite my arm off?"

"Well," Aslan said mildly, "if I bite it off while you're not looking and you do not react to it, I would be able to gather from the lack of reaction that what I have just done has worked and you would not feel, in fact, you would not realise that your arm was missing until you tried to use it or, if you did not attempt to use your arm and did not notice at all, then you would simply bleed to death, but you would feel no pain so it would I suppose be a peaceful death."

Something in me was reminding me of the word 'panic'. Panic was another word that I couldn't quite define. I knew it was a feeling of some sort, but I couldn't feel it. If panic was the way I'd have felt if given this statement before then now I reacted entirely different.

I was logical. Considering what he had just said, I decided that in some cases, such as if I led Narnia into battle at any point, being unable to feel such a thing as losing an arm could be a disadvantage if indeed I would bleed to death, however it could be an advantage if I were to lose any smaller, less useful parts of my body in battle as I would be able to continue to fight without being affected. The disadvantage however meant I'd have to be more aware visually and would not be able to fight to the best of my abilities as I would not be able to concentrate fully on fighting any one person at any one time, which could be a problem. Overall, the conclusion I came to, was that it was not an advantage but it was a disadvantage which could be worked around.

"You see?" Aslan said.

"See what?"

"Your mind, it is now cold."

"It is logical."

"Cold, logical, they are sometimes interchangeable."

I said nothing, just continued to consider things in my mind and work logically to possible outcomes. Narnia would benefit from this, I was sure.

"So?"

"So what?"

He sighed, "Back to my earlier question, Isabella, do you find yourself vastly improved?"

Again my mind logically considered the question and I paused before answering, "I do not think that is a question I can truthfully answer, you see Aslan I cannot remember at all how I felt before now so I cannot say if this is an improvement or not. However given that the ability to feel seemed to be, to me at least, something that was holding me back, then to have gotten rid of it must therefore be an improvement as I no longer than have that holding me back, you see?"

Aslan surveyed me, "Consider what you have just said."

I blinked, not understanding. There seemed to be a lot I didn't understand, but most of that seemed to be centred around Aslan, and it was always said that he worked in mysterious and hard to understand ways.

"Bella, you are unable to remember how you felt before, does that not worry you?"

"Should it?"

"The problem here Bella, is that to remember feelings, you must relive them, or have a feeling to base the feeling you are trying to imagine on. You can no longer do that."

"No..."

"Do you not see that this in itself will hold you back, probably more so than being overly emotional ever would have? Emotions, though strong, would fade with time, with each day that passed, they would get a little more bearable, and it may have taken years, but sooner or later you would have been able to get on with your life... Now... you cannot sympathise or empathise with anyone, you will have no comprehension, you-"

But he was interrupted by a voice.

"Bella!"

I turned, I knew that voice.

And a body followed where the voice had forged the path, he came into the meadow.

Tall, glorious to look at, handsome, beautiful, strong.

Edward.

His eyes met mind.

"Bella."

I looked in those green eyes, they were beautiful, I could see that, acknowledge that.

Somewhere in the back of my mind words and expressions came at me, 'love', 'broken', 'soul mate', 'heart break', 'everlasting', 'adoration', 'admiration', 'respect', 'fire', 'want', 'need', 'passion', and a million more words like those fired themselves through my mind.

Words that I didn't understand because, as Aslan said, I had nothing to base what these might mean on, and I could no longer relive them.

This had been how I felt about him.

I looked at him, looked in his eyes, regarded him, looked him up and down.

I felt nothing.


	31. Magic From Before The Dawn Of Time

I know I said this was the last chapter ever, and originally it was 31 chapters + an afterward, but it was like wayyyy to long for my liking (you may have noticed I really don't like long long chapters, 5000 is my limit per chapter and this, as the first part of chapter 31 split, is 4584, so as you can imagine the two together is over that 5000) so I'm splitting it into 2 so now there will be one more chapter plus an afterward.

If anyone wants me to do a blog post on the Magic types (see chapter) tell me in a review and I will do that if you think it would be of any help with your understanding of this.

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**Chapter 31. Magic From Before The Dawn Of Time.**

_Love conquers all things; let us too surrender to love._

_Omnia vincit amor: et nos cedamus amori._

_-Virgil_

"Bella?" he stared at me, waiting for me to say something.

"Hello Edward," I managed.

He advanced on me, his eyes searching all over my face, returning again and again to my eyes but seeming unable to find what he was looking for. He lifted his hand and touched my face but I did not feel it, I only knew it was happening as I saw him do it.

"What's happened to you?" he whispered, half to himself, half to me, starting to touch my face with both his hands, getting frantic.

"Aslan! Aslan! What's happened? What's happened to her? Her eyes, they're... her voice... her... it's... she's... What happened?" he demanded of the lion, his voice sounding strained.

"Our future High Queen Isabella has decided that she no longer wishes to feel," Aslan answered in a measured voice.

"What? I... I don't understand, I don't follow, Aslan?" he sounded... scared? Was that the word? Panicky? I wasn't sure. It registered with me that something was not right but I couldn't explain, couldn't think to remember what the sounds that were in his voice were, what they meant. He was not alright, but I couldn't work out what was wrong.

"Isabella has lost her ability to feel," Aslan said simply.

Edward's hands stopped moving over my face.

"No," he whispered, "No, no, no, no, NO!" It ended in a shout.

"Yes," I said. It seemed that he didn't believe Aslan.

"Bella..."

He stopped, swallowed, turned to Aslan, then back to me.

"How?"

"I commanded Aslan to do it for me."

"You did that to her?" he turned to Aslan.

"Not to me, for me, so that I can rule Narnia logically, without emotions getting in the way, it's much better this way."

"Aslan... is this... is this my fault?" Edward asked.

Aslan looked over both of us, "Perhaps."

"NO!" Edward shouted again. He almost roared, like Aslan. He had his own mane of hair surrounding his ferocious, beautiful face. He was lion like.

"Bella... being unable to feel? Why? Why would you choose that?"

"Isabella felt that her feelings were holding her back, handicapping her almost, in her ability to rule, as she felt that her emotions were too deep for her to properly rule Narnia and pay it the attention it deserved, as she felt that she would only be able to concentrate on her own feelings."

Edward drew in breath, "Did you feel like this before? Did you ever want to stop being able to feel before? Or is it just now? Is it just the feelings that I have awakened in you that made you resort to this?"

I thought about it, "Just now, I think. I don't think I ever felt as strongly about anyone as I did about you. But it doesn't matter now because we have no feelings for each other, we are equal in that respect and both free to go on with our own lives."

"No," he whispered, shaking his head violently, "No, Bella, don't you see, you can't not feel... You just can't... Does this... Does this mean truly that you have no feelings for me?"

"Exactly. It's what's best for us all, and best for Narnia."

"Truly Bella? You truly feel nothing for me anymore?"

"Truly."

"That cannot be best, not for anyone, anyone at all."

"You are not making any sense."

"Neither are you, stopping your ability to feel, Bella, that's insane."

"It was holding me back!"

"How?"

"Because I was unable to think about anything other than how I felt... that isn't how a Queen is supposed to rule her country, by thinking of herself and her own feelings. Surely you must see that?"

"But to cut them out completely, there's a reason for feelings Bella, a reason we feel things."

"We feel things so that we can hurt ourselves and those around us," I answered him, turning away.

"When did feelings hurt you so badly you decided you couldn't take it anymore Bella? When did it get so bad that the only option you had left was to stop being able to feel?"

"Tonight. When you said you didn't love me."

"When did I say that?"

"Several times."

"When? Tell me exactly when?"

"Well, firstly, when I spoke of how we loved one another and how tonight was supposed to be the night we announced our engagement at; your response was 'things change'."

"The details of our engagement are no longer going to be what they would have been had you not been who you are, that does not mean I don't love you."

"You knew how it sounded."

"Maybe I did, I wanted to hurt you, to repay you, but surely, Bella, surely you knew. In truth what I meant had changed was in that we could no longer be engaged as it would impertinent of me to ask you to marry me, given that your station is higher than mine."

"I asked you what your reasons were now, what had changed that you were unable to love me anymore. You replied 'Unable to love you... Bella I am knocked over, no, I am furious at your ability to have kept this from me, for so long, I could never, ever, in a million years have kept something like that from you' and then I cut across you."

"When in that sentence did I say the reason I am unable to love you is anything? When did I say I was unable to love you?"

"Well you might not have said it but the meaning was clear and obvious."

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, "You," he said, snippily, "are as much of a woman as Alice or Rosalie, you all jump on top of us when we're not finished talking, you don't let us say what we want to say and you jump to conclusions. And you presume that when we say one thing we mean another, the fundamental difference between woman and men, Bella, is that we say what we damn well mean!"

"Is that so?" I snapped.

"Indeed!"

"Then explain this – when I asked you, asked you for once and for all, if you could ever love me, ever, even if you couldn't love me right now, you answered 'I do not think that any normal person could love you after what you have done'. Explain that, Edward, explain it?"

My voice was coming fast and I seemed to be breathing heavily though I did not know why.

"I'll explain it, but first, answer me this, if you can't feel, if you have lost your ability to feel, then why is every bit of your body saying those words the way you would have said them before you lost the ability, all that's changed it your mouth, there's no tone in your voice, but every other part of you is breathing, undulating with fire and passion just as it always has been."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yes you do you-"

"Edward," Aslan cut across him, "Bella's conscious does not feel emotion, and she has no idea what her body is doing as she has no physical feeling either, she has lost all ability to feel, altogether. You are confusing her."

"She's lost all physical feeling?" His mouth fell open and his head whipped round to me, "You've lost all physical feeling?"

"Yes," I nodded, "Now, please, explain your meaning behind your words from earlier."

"Bella... you... you ran out, cut me off and left before I was finished, I had being going to say 'I do not think that any normal person could love you after what you have done, therefore, I do not think I can be considered normal, as I love you, have always loved you and will always love you. No matter what. I will never be unable to love you."

"Then why didn't you just say that?"

"Because... sometimes Bella, I can be an idiot, to be blunt."

"Sometimes?"

"You say you can't feel?"

"I can't."

"Physically or emotionally?"

"No."

He advanced on me, put his arms around me and bent me back so that all my weight was being held up by him. His face came close to mine.

"Edward, I..."

"Shhh," he put his finger over my lips.

"I need to go, I need to go to Narnia and-"

"Be quiet and listen."

"It won't make any difference, I can't feel, no matter what you tell me now, you're too late."

"You do feel, Bella, I will make you feel it, because no matter what you believe I know that it's in you, it doesn't just go away, you feel Bella. And I know how you feel Bella. I feel the same. No longer am I myself, instead I am under you. But if you leave Bella, it won't help. Because if you feel as I do then you think of nothing but me every moment, as I think of nothing but you. And even when you're not there you control me Bella. And if you feel the same then even when I'm not there, I control you. You can run Bella. You can run to Narnia, to the lands beyond the borders. You can run to Aslan's lands, in the utter east. You can even run from your feelings, get Aslan to stop your ability to feel them. But if you feel as I do, you wouldn't forget me, and it wouldn't be enough. You wouldn't escape what you feel. Because I'd be with you. A part of me is always with you. And part of you with me. _Take care of my heart, I've left it with you_, you wrote me that, remember? You have mine too Bella. And we need each other. I need you. I hope you need me. And Bella, if you want control, then the only way you'll have it is to stay with me always. Because if I control you, and I'm with you, then you'll do your duty as Queen, with control. With everything you need. Because I'll be there. I'll be with you forever. And if you do it without me you will have no control, because you'd be driven insane by my absence, left unable to run a country. But the choice is yours Bella; I will stand by you through everything. But I need you Bella. I need you. I love you. I need you. I'd go insane in a world without you, having known now the world with you."

And then his lips crashed down on mine and I fell weak and limp in his arms, unable to resist what had been building up throughout his entire speech, only able to give myself over to my need and want for him and only him and... I loved him.

I opened my eyes and looked into his and everything was silent for a minute.

"You're back."

"You were right. I probably never left."

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

And then he kissed me again, and I felt his whole, manly body pushing down against me as I lay, suspended in his arms which held me, safe and strong and tight, stopping me from collapsing, and I felt his mouth on mine, felt his breath, tasted his lips.

Even after the kiss stopped and he pulled me to a standing position I could still do nothing but stand, my face buried in his chest, my arms clinging round him. I would never lose him, never ever ever.

I was not stupid, no matter how I acted sometimes, I was not stupid. I would not make that mistake, ever again, not now, not when I realised that even though...

I stood up.

Not now when I realised that our love had been strong enough to break through Aslan's... But had it?

I turned, staying pressed against Edward, refusing to lose contact for a moment, but searching for Aslan.

I found him, and he was staring back at me.

I bit my lip, "Aslan?"

"Bella?"

"I can feel..."

"Yes."

"Then, I presume, that that means that you, you didn't..."

"No, I did."

"Then how?"

"You love Edward. Edward loves you," Aslan answered me, his eyes glancing to Edward, who nodded in agreement.

"But... I was supposed to lose all ability to feel, and I did because when he came I looked in his eyes and didn't feel anything."

"And when I arrived and looked in her eyes, it was like, like she had died, there was no life, no fire in her eyes, and there's always fire and passion in Bella's eyes. They're brown and usually brown eyes are flat and dull but not hers, hers are always... sparkling."

"I did what you commanded, I removed your ability to feel, but the thing is, there are many types of magic."

"You mean like when you resurrected yourself after the White Witch killed you?"

"Exactly, the white witch used Deep Magic from the Dawn of Time, but did not look back further, look to the Deeper Magic from Before the Dawn of Time, which counteracted her spell."

"Yes, different types of magic, different levels, but you did this, and you are the most powerful..."

"I wrote all magic, even the magic that dates back to before the Deeper Magic from Before the Dawn of Time."

"So, what magic... What happened to me?"

"Deeper Magic from Before the Dawn of Time."

Edward nodded as though he understood, but I pressed on "I still don't understand, when you told of the Deeper Magic from Before the Dawn of Time and your resurrection you said that the witch had not looked far enough to see 'That when a willing victim who had committed no treachery was killed in a traitor's stead, the Table would crack, and Death itself would start working backwards'."

"Yes."

"But no one here has committed treachery or sacrificed themselves, that isn't anything to do with what's happening here."

"No."

Aslan was, if nothing else, infuriating.

"Aslan... please?"

"There are different types of magic, and the Magic from Before the Dawn of Time breaks down in many categories. One of these is magic concerning feeling. Feeling may be removed, altered, but when a deeper feeling, one deeper than even magic that has been written or made can fight, then the written or made magic will dispel under the pressure of the true feeling and the magic will turn back on itself."

I shivered, it was the sort of statements I had read about in history books and philosophy books, but to be standing in the arms of someone you loved, after all we had gone through together, to be standing together in front of Aslan while he told us this, it was... unbelievable, immense, insane.

"Aslan... Thank you," I managed, unable to say anything much more.

He dipped his magnificent head, "You're welcome, Bella."

"And thank you from me too," Edward added.

"You are also welcome, Edward. But I must go, I am finished here."

"Can you not stay, return to the ball with us?" Edward asked.

"No, I must go, I am needed elsewhere. For now I leave Narnia in both your hands, for they are more than capable. Together you will do great things for my Kingdom."

"Aslan..." I looked at Edward, he looked at me, and when I turned a fraction of a second later to talk to Aslan he was gone. Vanished.

"He'll come back," Edward murmured, kissing the top of my head and threading his hand through mine.

I nodded, taking his hand tightly in mine. "He will," I sighed, "Though I suppose it is now time for us to go back, see everyone. Inform people of the fixed state of things."

"Indeed," Edward smiled, and together we turned and headed up the path to Edward's home.

The walk back seemed shorter than how I'd gotten to the meadow. Maybe it was, I hadn't even paid attention to where I was going or what paths I was taken coming. We walked in silence, me beside him, his arm round my shoulder and my hand lacing through his fingers. We didn't need to talk. As we approached the lights that signified life and civilization, we dropped our casual walking stance.

"Am I a mess?" I asked him, nervous.

"Never," he smiled, kissing the tip of my nose.

"Edward..."

"My love?"

"Before we go in, do you remember when you asked me to marry you before and I said that I had things about me that you needed to know and after I told you about those things I would ask you to marry me and then it would be up to you?"

"Yes, of course."

"Then," I reached into my bodice where I was keeping the beautiful ring he had given me earlier, nestled safe and warm close to my heart, "Will you marry me?"

He smiled, took a step closer to me and kissed me hard, my arms round his neck and his arms on my lower back.

"It would be my honour Isabella Swan," he smiled, taking the ring from me and pocketing it. I was slightly confused that he was taking it back off me, but I wasn't going to think on it now, he had agreed to marry me, he had really agreed to marry me!

His arm went round my waist and we entered the hall together. No one noticed us at first as we skulked round the edge of the dance floor until a shriek was heard and I was thrown sideways into Edward.

"Hello Alice," I smiled as a new pair of arms encircled me.

It only took one before Jasper, Emmet, Rosalie, Esme, Carlisle, Jake and my father were around us.

"Where have you been?" Jasper enquired of me.

"Getting some air," I smiled.

"And making some decisions," Edward added.

"Like decisions to get back together?" Alice beamed. I saw a small note of panic cross both Carlisle and my father's faces.

"Not only to get together but to make a proper commitment to one another, Isabella asked me to marry her," Edward smiled down at his twin, some 2 feet below him.

Esme began to cry.

"What, is that different from when she agreed to marry you yesterday?" Alice replied, raising an eyebrow.

"Yesterday?" Carlisle asked, looking confused.

"Technically I never agreed to marry him yesterday, I said there were things he needed to know and once he knew them I would ask him to marry me and if he still loved me, despite knowing these things, then we would be engaged. So now we are."

"Well it won't be all that bad, Mother, it means we might finally get him to stop being so depressed all the time," Emmett grinned at Esme, who sobbed with a great gulp and flapped at him, the back of her hand lightly meeting his upper arm.

"Well I suppose that makes it a lot simpler for us then," Carlisle said to my father, one eyebrow raised.

My nodded in response, mute. His eyes met mine, and I knew he understood, respected and agreed with my decision. We had never been overly keen on showing emotion with one another so we did not embrace, nor did we exchange any words, but looking in his eyes, I knew he knew that I was happy with Edward, and I knew that he wanted me to be happy.

"I suppose we'd better make some kind of official announcement," Carlisle offered up.

"NO!" Alice shouted, surprising us all. "It's just," she continued after we all looked at her in confusion, "if you make the announcement tonight it's still before 10 o'clock, it's still only twilight, and this could turn into their engagement ball, and if Bella and Edward are having an engagement ball I want to organize it so that it's done right."

I snorted, in the midst of Aslan and Deeper Magic from Before the Dawn of Time, Alice didn't change, and I loved that.

Edward put his hand in the small of my back and pushed me in front of him to the dance floor, because he wanted to or to get away from everyone else I wasn't sure.

He signalled to the orchestra, who began playing Aslan's Waltz, the song we had shared our first dance to, the dance that had made us give in to one another. It was perfect, our first dance as a couple and our first dance as engaged couple. I got giddy at that thought. Engaged. We were truly engaged. I had asked him to marry me and he had said yes. I was going to marry Edward. I was going to truly be with Edward forever. A small shiver passed up my spine at the thought and caused me to have a small spasm of pure joy. Edward took my in his strong, safe, secure arms and began to go through those familiar dance moves. How could I have ever wanted to give up the ability to feel? How stupid of me! To never have been able to feel like this, it was unfathomable. I was always making stupid, rash decisions though, but now, with Edward by my side, my Edward, who brought out the best in me, I would be able to rule Narnia as it deserved. I knew that. With Edward by my side, I would be the Queen Narnia needed me to be. The song ended and I went to move away, go socialise, be polite, but Edward growled and pulled me back to him.

"I'm refusing to share you tonight," he whispered, ferociously, in my ear. I fell into his arms, and stayed that way for the rest of the night. It wasn't until the light of the breaking dawn was visible that we were wrenched apart when almost everyone seemed to have left, by Carlisle, who looked tired but happy.

He smiled at me, "Bella, my always honorary daughter, and soon to be daughter in law, I do not know exactly what the living arrangements have been for you whilst you have been staying but I am afraid instead of stationing you in your own room as you deserve tonight I am going to have to ask that you share a room with Alice and Rosalie, whilst Jasper and Emmett will share, as we have given our spare rooms to other Narnians who have been travelling with us in our quest to find you."

I blushed, in my own world of engagements and happiness and love I had almost forgotten what I had caused for my father and the Lords of Narnia and the Lone Islands, I really ought to have made some sort of apology that night but I couldn't have, for the truth was never to come out, ever.

"Carlisle, really, I have been staying in Edward's room during my time here and we are an engaged couple so-"

"Bella, I am going to pretend I didn't hear that, firstly it would be inappropriate in any circumstances for you to be sharing a room with Edward until you were married, and, secondly, as far as Narnia is concerned, there has been no official announcement of your engagement, nor have you exchanged rings, so until such traditions as these have been carried out protocol will be carried out," Carlisle answered, in his usual measured, calm way.

I pouted, but knew there was no point in fighting this decision, it would be a losing battle.

"I will say goodnight then Bella," Edward said, kissing my cheek and whispering a quick "I love you" in my ear as he did so, before turning to nod at Carlisle, "Goodnight, Father," and then striding off in the direction of his room.

"Alice is waiting outside the main door for you Bella," Carlisle said, turning his warm, kind eyes on me, "So off to bed, you've had an exhausting day."

"Goodnight, Carlisle."

"Goodnight, Bella, and thank you."

"For what?"

"For what you have done for Edward. He is a changed man."

I smiled and dipped my head before turning to head to the door, Carlisle following closely behind.

We were nearly at the door when he spoke again, "Oh, and Bella?"

"Yes?" I turned to face him but almost immediately found myself being whirled around by his left arm on mine whilst his right hand came down loudly on my backside, landing five of the hardest smacks I had ever felt in my entire life, even through my dress.

"Just another thing you deserved," he smiled down at me again, his eyes still warm and kind, but stern.

"I know."

"That would suggest then that in what you have done for Edward, he has repaid by doing for you also, you also are very changed."

"Yes."

The conversation may have continued had we not reached the door, behind which Alice was, to my disappointment, waiting.

"Alice," I smiled.

"You're father asked me to say good night to you, he didn't want to interrupt you and Edward," Alice smiled, before turning to her father, "I'll keep her under lock and chain, don't worry."

He smiled, "Goodnight, Alice, Bella," Carlisle kissing the top of her head, before kissing mine also and heading in the opposite direction from where Alice and I were going.

Alice looked at me, "Just so you know, I'm going to scream and jump up and down once we get to my room but I'm working tremendously hard to keep it in just now so I don't wake any guests staying in nearby rooms."

I half laughed, "Right, Alice."

We had started up the corridor about 10 seconds when she stopped, turned to me, and screamed, "Oh My Aslan Bella I can't hold it in anymore! You and Edward are getting married!" We grabbed each other's arms and jumped up in down in unison.

"Alice, I can't believe it, I just... I could burst," I said, the biggest, cheesiest smile in the world covering my face.

"I know!" she smiled back at me, hers probably even bigger than mine.

I remembered telling her, remembered her and Jasper and Emmet and – "Rose didn't seem too happy," I said, biting my lip.

"Rosalie is never happy," Alice remarked.

"Do you think she'll be alright about sharing a room with me tonight?"

"Yes, you and she made peace did you not?"

"Don't quite know if peace would be the word, Alice."

"Well you came to a sort of understanding then?"

"Well, yes, but that was before..."

"To be honest, Bella, Rose is Rose. She'll never be a happy, smiling person other than when it's just her and Emmett, that's just how she is. She's probably in turmoil over the way she's been treating you and then finding out who you actually are. She's got a lot of pride, does Rose. As do you. You're both quite similar, haughty people, but you're much easier to get on with for whatever reason."

"Probably the fact I smile in company other than Edward's,"I replied, half making a joke.

"Probably," Alice replied, very seriously. She obviously hadn't quite picked up on my half joke.

"Guess we'll find out soon enough," I said, biting my lip as we approached Alice's bedroom door.


	32. A Proposal

I feel kind of sad uplaoding this, this is it. I am going to upload an afterword to this then start updating "The Lion's Pride" ie this from Edward's POV and also start uploading "Sink or Swim", details on my blog. I'm excited for them both, hope you will be too :) Thank you for reading this. I love y'all.

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**Chapter 32. A Proposal.**

"_**But most significant in this tidal wave of happiness was the surest fact of all: I was with Edward. Forever."  
**__Bella Cullen__**, **__Breaking Dawn__**.**_

Rosalie, when we entered the room, was ready for bed and seated at Alice's dresser, brushing her long golden waves. She didn't say anything when we entered, but she looked up and met my eyes in the mirror, nodding in acknowledgement of my presence. I decided that it was probably a good thing that she was even acknowledging me. I wanted to get on with her, no matter how difficult she could be or what our personal differences were, she was Edward's brother's wife, my soon to be brother in law's wife, and I wanted us to be a good family. After growing up an only child with only my father I had begun at times to be jealous of Jake, who had 2 older sisters as well as over 100 cousins, the interaction he had with them, the knowledge that you always had someone there for you. I wanted that for Edward and I's children. Edward and I's children, how right it sounded. I would need to think of names-

"I'll lend you a bed dress, Bella," Alice said, interrupting my thought process, and sidling past me, breaking Rose and I's mirror interaction with her reflection to go to a chest of drawers and pull out a beautiful cream coloured satin dress. With Alice out the way I could see Rosalie's eyes widen for a second in the mirror before her face again became impassive.

"This doesn't look like a bed dress, Alice," I said, as she handed me it.

"Of course it is," Alice said, looking at me as though I were insane. I would have believed her, had I not remembered the first time I had seen her lie to Edward, Alice was an exceptional actress.

I went into Alice's bathroom to put on the dress. It didn't feel like a bed dress, it was cut to be shaped and worn.

I surveyed myself in the full length mirror Alice kept in the bathroom. It was beautiful, I looked beautiful in it, and I wasn't an overly conceited person about my appearance, but I knew when a dress looked good. In fact, I was wrong, it didn't look good, it looked beautiful. Simple yet elegant and... Exquisite. That was the only appropriate word.

I touched the satin at my waist and watched the material ripple beneath my hand. This was definitely not a bed dress. I didn't know what Alice was playing at, but I wasn't going to complain. This dress would be perfect for later.

I lay awake for what must have been hours. The curtains at Alice's windows blacked out the outdoor light, but I guessed that it wouldn't be long before I people would be waking, and I wasn't even asleep yet. No noise came from Alice or Rose, nor had it for the majority of the time I had lain here. They must be asleep. Surely everyone would be asleep. I was praying to Aslan that Carlisle would be asleep, given his actions in the ballroom I was pretty convinced that if Carlisle caught me wandering round the house at night to go to Edward's room, when I had been specifically told not to go, then he wasn't going to have any qualms about spanking me himself now.

But surely, if there were still rules on where I could sleep without being officially engaged then there would be rules about that kind of thing... Oh dear. I'd need to be careful.

Silently, I dropped my feet out of the bed and onto the thick carpet. I froze that way for about a minute; half convinced that I had set off some sort of personal alarm in Carlisle and Esme's room.

Nothing happened.

I stood up fully now, and again froze, checking if anything was happening around me because of my movement. Nothing did.

Oh, don't be so stupid Bella, I thought, chiding myself for my nonsense and taking three confident steps when Alice's voice caused me to jump about three feet into the air.

"I'm not asleep you know Bella."

"Alice, you gave me the fright of my life!"

"Well what exactly are you doing?"

I searched for an answer, "Going to the bathroom," I eventually hissed.

"You're going the wrong way, the bathroom's through the door on the other side of the room," Alice answered.

"Rose is in that one," I answered, thinking on the spot.

"No I'm not," Rosalie joined in. Damn.

"I know exactly what you're doing Bella, and I'm not supposed to let you," Alice told me, I could hear the laughter in her voice.

"Oh please, you know you're absolutely loving that she's doing it in that dress," Rosalie's voice cut through the room again.

Aha! I knew there was something about the dress that wasn't normal.

"What is the deal with this dress Alice?" I asked.

Rosalie laughed, "Yes Alice, what is the deal?"

"Oh be quiet, maybe I just wanted Bella to have a nice dress."

"So you gave her the dress from your wedding night?"

"Actually that-"

"Oh my Aslan! Alice! Is this your wedding dress, I'll never forgive you for allowing me to sleep in it if it is!" I cut across her, shocked. I knew it was the most beautiful creation ever possibly made, but... her wedding-

"No, it's not," Alice cut across my thoughts and I breathed a sigh of relief, "What you have on Bella is actually a complete copy of the dress I wore on my wedding night, the night I first 'officially' bedded Jasper."

I opened my mouth but Rosalie cut across me, "A copy?"

Alice giggled, "Jasper ripped the real dress into shreds, but I made a new one. I had a feeling someone would need it again, call it a psychic feeling, future seeing ability, woman's instinct, whatever. I just knew to make another copy of it."

"Wait-Alice-you _made_ this! Yourself?"

"I'm sure Edward will be grateful, we'll just need to hope he has more control than Jasper did," Rosalie said, sounding like she was almost holding in a laugh.

"Bella isn't going to see Edward tonight, I'm still awake."

"Alice, we all know the reason you put that dress on Bella was so that she would let Edward see her in it so that you wouldn't have any argument from either of them when you suggest you plan their entire wedding and make all Bella's 42,000 dresses that I'm sure you'll squeeze her into on that day," Rosalie scoffed.

"Oh my Aslan, Alice, would you want to do our wedding?"

"Bella, I'd be honoured; I'd be beyond honoured to!"

Rosalie scoffed at our little display of emotion, "Alice, just let her go now or she'll probably kill herself jumping out the window to get to Edward's room and then there won't be a wedding."

I smiled, forming a plan in my mind.

"But I'm awake, and so are you Rose, and, in case you haven't realised, we'll both get spanked if she goes wandering when we were awake to stop her."

Rose sighed but did not make a vocal reply to her sister in law. As my eyes focused more I could see that she'd lain back down in her makeshift bed.

"Well, I'm away to see Edward then Alice, bye," I said brightly, probably slightly too loudly for the time of night it was but my new plan had given me confidence in what I was about to do.

"No you are not!"

"Yes I am indeed!"

"Not on my watch!"

"Alice – you were the one who on my first day here dragged me out against Edward's will and told me to lie to him with you, what's the issue with breaking rules now?"

"Edward I don't care about so much, Jasper can get round Edward for me if I really need him too, but my father is a completely different story."

"I've always considered Carlisle my second father, and he's not at all scary."

"He's always been nice to you, but just you wait, if he stops caring about protecting your feelings Carlisle can be pretty strict and more fool you if you underestimate him."

"Alice, Carlisle's room is at the opposite end of the house from you or Edward's," I said patiently.

It was strange to see Alice, my usual partner in crime and mischief and rule breaking, be so determined not to break any rules. I guessed the obedience levels Edward had expected of me were not ones he had made up but ones he and his siblings it would seem had grown up with. If it were possible, it made me love him even more. It would mean our children – _our children_, I loved that – would be brought up with rules and obedience and rewards and punishments. Everything I had never had. Structure.

I had never known till I came here that all the time I had been pushing that what I had been pushing for were boundaries, searching for someone bigger and stronger than me to take charge of me every once in a while, so that I didn't always have to be responsible, so that I could be held accountable but have someone else deal with the responsibility of correcting me, or rewarding me. The worst feeling in the world was knowing I'd done something wrong that I deserved to be punished for and not being punished, that self inflicted guilt probably had hurt more than any punishment ever would, and it scarred deeper and you carried it longer. If Edward brought our children up with the standards Carlisle had brought Edward, Alice and Jasper up with then they would never need to feel that.

"I don't care, Bella, you're not going!"

Still, sometimes rules needed broken.

"Look Alice, I'm going and that's it, if I get caught it'll be my fault and Edward can take responsibility for dealing with me."

She shook her head defiantly.

"Right, Alice, I'm not going to stand here and argue, I'm away."

I took 4 quick steps towards the door, almost reaching it when Alice shouted, "Bella, you can't, I'm awake!"

I grinned and turned to her, "Well Alice, if you want to do Edward and I's wedding I suggest you pretend you're not."

Her mouth fell open and I heard Rosalie suppress a giggle unsuccessfully.

"'Night," I winked, and slipped out the door.

I made my way stealthily down the passageways. Nothing moved. Everything was silent, almost deathly. I knew Edward would still be up though, I knew he'd wait for me.

I couldn't believe my luck, not only had I managed to blag Alice to do my wedding for me, including the dress, so that I was saved all the hassle and problems, I had also managed to work the arrangement to my advantage so that I got the wedding in the future and Edward tonight out of it.

He'd better make it worth my while, I felt slightly bad playing Alice in such a way.

I shivered. Somehow, and I didn't quite know how he would do it, but somehow I knew Edward would more than make it worth my while tonight. Something inside of me told me so.

As I entered the corridor at the end of which Edward's chambers were situated the silence and darkness were broken by candlelight flickering behind the door and the sound of a piano being perfectly played quietly filtered through the stillness. Not loud or bright enough to wake anyone up, but enough that I'd hear it.

I pushed the door open quietly and observed him sitting at the piano stool, playing intently. He was glorious, so glorious.

He was waiting for me. Of course he was waiting for me. He'd known, known before I did probably, that I was coming to him.

"Bella," he smiled up at me. I crossed the room and sat next to him on the piano stool.

He played for a while, never taking his eyes off me and slowed and quietened the music till he eventually stopped completely, then pulled me into his lap, kissing my deeply, squeezing me. I clung to him, kissing him back desperately, needingly.

His lips left mine and trailed over my jaw line and down my neck.

I ached for him, every fibre of me wanted him. This was all it took. A kiss. A simple kiss and I was wet and desperate for him.

"Edward," I half murmered, half groaned at his lips worked their magic on my neck. He stopped then and pressed one light, gentle kiss on my neck. I sighed.

"I love you, Isabella," he said quietly.

"I love you too," I whispered.

"But the thing is, I love Bella too."

"And I love you too," I gave a small, throaty laugh.

"Which is why, Isabella, if you'll permit me, I'd like to ask Bella to marry me as well."

"Edward," I giggled, not really understanding.

"Humour me," he raised an eyebrow at me so I straightened my face.

"The thing is Bella," he continued, "there are some things that are better done non traditionally, and some things traditionally. I like traditions, there are some I'm willing to break for you, but there are others I will stick to. If we were doing this in the more traditional way I would have courted you, taken you for chaperoned outings, gone to balls, danced in the proper fashion. And then I would have gotten down on one knee, a bit like this," and he did so, took my hand in his and slid off the piano stool to kneel at my feet. I gasped.

He reached into his pocket, "And I would have produced a ring, like this one, and I would look into your eyes and say Isabella Marie Swan, my Bella, will you make me the happiest man on earth by marrying me?"

And although I had known from the minute he started speaking that this was what this was leading too, and although it was the same ring I'd already received from him before, there was nothing that could prepare me for this moment, this feeling, looking into his eyes, my hand in his, knowing that this was honest and true, that he knew me, everything I was, and was still asking me.

Having a man ask me to marry him was something I'd never thought would happen to me, the way my station worked it would always have had to have been me that asked the man to marry me, but this was more than I could have ever hoped for. Only Edward would do this to me, to Isabella Swan, to me. And that felt right.

He stood up and picked me up from the sofa, one arm under my knees, the other at my back.

"Do me the honour of sharing my bed tonight Mrs Cullen?"

I wasn't Mrs Cullen yet, but it felt right for him to say it. I would be soon enough, and once I was, I would be his forever. I already was his. Forever. I was about to tell him that but stopped when he started to walk over the bed, determined I wouldn't ruin it for once, but I couldn't have ruined that moment, it was too perfect. And to make it even more so, before Edward got to the bed, he stopped in the middle of the room, looked down into my eyes, tipped my head back, and kissed me.

**The End.**

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**Added 8th September 2010.**

**Okay so ending seems to have outraged at leats half of you, whilst the other half love it. I have posted a little mini proposal on my blog (link on my profile) bringontheshackles1(dot)blogspot(dot)com regarding a sequel so if you could go over there and let me know what you think that would be great because I will write what the majority of you want to read even if it is not something I had considered writing before, so just let me know. Thanks :)**


	33. Afterword

_**Note regarding squels/out-takes on my blog, link on profile, let me know what you think.**_

**_Chapter 2 of The Lion's Pride is up and Chapter 3 will go up soon, so please do read this from Edward's POV, I'm sure he would appreciate it :)_**

**_So this is it, my little Naniaight baby is all growed up. I'm awfully proud, and awfully upset for some strange reason lol. Decided to end with a Narnian style afterward not a Twilight style one. No idea why. I hope you've all enjoyed this as much as I have, I love you all :)_**

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_**Afterword.**_

Jessica Stanley and Isabella Cullen remained friends all their lives, despite Jessica moving to the Lone Islands where she married Lord Michael Newton and ran her own household, happily, with 2 children – Michael Jr (born 2 months into their marriage-a source of much gossip, which Jess and Michael were too busy being happily married and slightly too absorbed in themselves to acknowledge) and a daughter, Jessica Isabella.

Jasper and Alice returned to Jasper's beloved Narnia with Edward and Bella, staying in Cair Paravel at Bella's request.

Emmett and Rosalie remained in Doorn, ending up with many children, which calmed Rosalie down and made people think of her as less of a witch; but they often came to Narnia with their large brood, who enjoyed listening to the stories that Jacob the Centaur would tell of their aunt, Queen Isabella, as a young girl, and of the old legends of Narnia.

Isabella and Edward brought back the golden years to Narnia, bringing together the mainland of Narnia itself and the Lone Islands. They instilled their father, Lord Carlisle Cullen as the first ever Governor of the Lone Islands, trusting that he would keep order when they could not, which he did. He was also instrumental in abolishing the slave trade for good and getting Gliftin and his lot put in jail.

Edward and Isabella's daughter Renesmee married a Telemarine, from the Land of Telmar, far beyond the Western Mountains, Caspian the First. As this chronicle of history went missing he became known as Caspian the Conqueror, and many of the good things Edward and Bella did for Narnia are sadly often attributed to him. However Caspian was a good man and his line served Narnia well at first, but it slowly got worse and worse until Caspian the Ninth was murdered by his brother Miraz.

The horrors that followed the murder caused such distress that the Anicents were pulled by the will of Aslan from the world which you and I know to come back to Narnia and save it again, which they did. (Aslan did not pull Edward and Bella back, as the Ancients had not passed to Aslan's kingdom, and although Aslan can pull people from our world to the World of Narnia, only He possesses the power to move from his own kingdom to the other worlds, meaning that Edward and Bella could not save Narnia again). However that part of Narnia's history never went missing, and that chronicle is available to read elsewhere.

And if you do read it then you may wish to pay some attention to the ending, for many of the Telemarines left the World of Narnia to come to our world at the end of it, and set up new lives, and many of those Telemarines were the sons of daughters of cousins of Caspian's, and many of them carried some of the same blood that ran in the veins of High King Peter the Magnificent, Queen Susan the Gentle, Kind Edmund the Just, Queen Lucy the Valiant, Queen Bella the Loving and of course her King Edward the Wise, and maybe, just maybe, if you go back far enough in your family tree, there's a spot of that blood in you.


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